Sonya: Hi Vineeto,
Thank you for your time in helping me.
I’m currently reading the links you’ve provided. I’m struggling to get a grasp on the meaning of ‘affective awareness’ – Is it essentially awareness of your feelings? Could you clarify for me please? Google doesn’t seem to be helping either .
Hi Sonya, you are welcome and it is a pleasure to do so.
The reason I emphasized “affective” awareness is because several people misunderstood the actualism method and only paid attention to their thoughts instead of including their feelings which lay behind their troublesome thoughts. The other reason is that, with the large prevalence of Buddhistic practices, dissociation from one’s feelings is very common and then those suppressed feelings make themselves felt somatically, i.e. in bodily discomfort, physical tensions and pain, and they never discover the cause of their discomfort by missing out on affective awareness.
Kuba explained it very well in his most recent message to you (link) but if something is still unclear you are very welcome to ask again – it is better to get it right from the start instead of learning an ineffective pattern which then you might have to unlearn first before applying the correction.
Vineeto: Perhaps it’s a good idea (…) to look for a resistance or hesitation regarding a PCE because the implications can seem too much.
Sonya: Logically, I can’t pinpoint any resistance or hesitation regarding remember a PCE. Of course there is a possibility there is something I am doing sub-consciously. When I think about why I may not want to remember a PCE nothing really comes up. Why would I not want to remember perfection? More digging may be required here.
Ah well, perhaps there is no resistance, it was just a guess. However, I noticed you said “logically”, so there is the possibility of looking emotionally?
Apart from this, the more you enjoy and appreciate being here, the more you are in the perfect position to allow a PCE to happen by naïvely “going boldly where angels fear to tread”, as the saying goes – with adult sensibility of course.
Incidentally, sexual intimacy coupled with naiveté is an ideal opportunity as well to allow a PCE to happen. Richard talks about this in detail here (Richard, List D, No. 20, 9 Dec 2009).
Vineeto: Ah, Sonya, this is wonderful to read. It so reminds me how, when feeling being ‘Vineeto’ met ‘Peter’ the first time, ‘he’ proposed to want to live together in peace and harmony and with honesty look at everything which got in the way of this aim. ‘Vineeto’ thought ‘she’ never heard a more attractive proposal and agreed. ‘We’ had great fun together, to put it mildly.
Sonya: This is very similar to Kuba and I
. I remember him telling me about you and Peter. How both of you managed to tackle the challenge of living together in peace and harmony. I thought it just made sense! Why can’t we do that? Let’s do it! Remembering this again has brought to a smile to my face. It’s something I need to keep at the forefront my mind. (link)
I am pleased to read that someone was inspired by ‘Peter’s’ and ‘Vineeto’s’ reports and accepted Richard’s challenge to all when he said “I have always wondered whether it is possible for man and woman to live together intimately; in perfect peace and harmony.” (Richard’s Journal, Article One).
It is indeed a good thing “to keep at the forefront my mind” because this “thing” can give you the perfect confirmation that everything is going swimmingly, and a timely warning when it’s not operating, that you have wandered off the ‘wide and wondrous’ path to being happy and harmless.
Then you stop in your tracks, get back to feeling good (first thing before you start finding blame or reason), and then have a good look what is going on. Just remember that blaming either yourself or the other only serves to strengthen the ‘persona’, whereas sincere inquiry can not only be successful to dissolve the obstacle but turn out to be fun in the puzzle-solving process itself.
Here is how Peter described it –
Peter: “In undertaking any mutual investigation into what it was that caused the perpetual battle of the sexes that we knew so well, we resolved to put any issues that arose ‘on the table’, to discuss them, probe them and make mutual sense of them. By regarding them as the Human Condition, i.e. common to all humans, we were able to largely avoid ‘taking the issue personally’, which had proved the downfall of all previous attempts at discussing sensitive relationship issues. We further resolved that anything one disclosed or discussed would not be used by the other at some later time as revenge or to score points, and this gave us the confidence to dig deeper and explore further than we had dared to before.” [Emphasis added]. (Actualism, Peter, Selected Writings, Living Together, #4)
Be a friend to yourself and appreciate your successes, no matter how small they may appear to you at first glance.
Cheers Vineeto