Shank's Journal

Journals
61

I experience something similar when I watch a movie or a sports event and something particularly dramatic occurs… something deep within me responds.

For me, in those instances, it’s that the story/scene of the movie, or the situation in the event, has roused some deep desire in me: very often, it’s the desire to be seen as a success by my peers.

So it’s just a question of putting the dots together, what associations do you have with that music or that scene, how does that connect with the things you want in life

And then the really lovely thing is that because you noticed it in a movie (dramatic movies have a wonderful way of revealing these things), you get to find out what things you’re really chasing in life.

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Yes…this is indeed looking like the approach to take !

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I was about to post this in @Kub933 or @henryyyyyyyyyy 's journal hehe much before their recent posts because there is something similar to what they say is going on here too…Its like the universe plays some kinda thing across the earth which effects everyone because I had a somewhat similar thing happen yesterday eve !

Post-dinner, I was strolling across on my terrace when I was wondering how could there be a solution to the grief experienced at the death of someone close and then my mind automatically inclined to the sweetness of the universe around me to find an answer to this ghastly emotion called grief…and yes! - in that ever-present sweetness, there never can be any grief…but thinking a bit more acutely, I realized that the lack of grief wasn’t perhaps because of the sweetness of actuality…it was because “people” don’t exist…so your loving “someone” wasn’t even there to begin with

…and here is where reality felt crumbling…the behaviour of reality is exactly that of some fictional fantasy…just as the entire Star Trek universe with its vulcans and spaceships that don’t exist, so doesn’t exist the feeling-created real world…complete and utter illusion “pasted” over the universe…living a lie all the time…without realizing though lol

For the fictional Star trek stories and universe to stop, it’s author must die…likewise for reality to stop, it’s creator “me” must die

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Awesome haha!

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The ramifications of this are so far reaching to contemplate it’s kinda blowing my mind - it’s all over nothing!

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Oh, Star Trek won’t die, if Disney doesn’t already own it, they will.

Then, and only then, will it truly die. Like Star Wars before it.

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Hmm, I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t had a memorable PCE, but the angle “the real never existed anyway” seems somewhat “off”.

Sorta like denial.

Obviously, this is all words on a screen, so the experience of “none of it existed anyway” is surely different to the way it reads in a short forum thread.

Is it going to get “the job done”? This “you never loved anyone because there was never anyone to start with”? (Not a quote, just using the quotations to seperate out the thought).

It sounds very, almost exactly, Buddhist. I should know, because that’s exactly how I used to bring on “unity” experiences. “There is no ‘you’, Look!”.

The fact ‘we’ don’t exist, hardly sounds like a ‘self’ choosing to allow a very ‘real’ self immolation to occur.

Honesty, like I said to John a while back, the whole “they don’t exist anyway” angle sounds like an excuse not to feel.

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Feeling as happy and harmless as possible, which brings the possibility of something more, is very different to “realise there was no feelings to start with”.

I am sure I am way off due to lack of experience, but that’s what it looks like from the “nose-bleed section of the peanut gallery.” :popcorn:

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Yes @Andrew … this is very true…the “people don’t exist” realization would just be a coping mechanism against grief from a feeling being’s perspective…that’s why added that “perhaps”…

That chain of thoughts lead to a more solid seeing of how the real world is a total fiction…it just gives more confidence to abandon it

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Yups I agree with this…my take is that feeling happy n harmless is where humanity takes a hit because humanity as a feeling is about continuing sorrow n suffering

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Yeah at the end of the day it is a realisation and ‘I’ still have to give up ‘my’ very real existence in order to self immolate.

At the same time in a PCE it is seen with complete confidence that ‘I’ don’t actually exist and neither do ‘others’ there’s no denial about it, it’s simply seeing a fact. And so in that EE this is also being progressively seen, ‘humanity’ becomes like a slowly fading away dream, again no denial simply the seeing of what is actually the case, and has been all along.

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You guys need to give ‘Andor’ a chance

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I did, not bad. The Mandalorian was good too. Not quite dead yet.

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Was reading this article which said

“Loneliness results from a discrepancy between expected and actual social relationships,”

It’s an interesting angle because so far I never tackled loneliness in terms of whether its instinctual/innate vs socially manufactured. If a baby was fed n raised in a jungle completely away from any human, I guess it won’t know loneliness…which means loneliness could be a social construct because we grow up around people n then get used to that.

Although I don’t experience too much of loneliness as such these days, but seeing loneliness in terms of the social construct angle as distinct from something innate makes it much easier to abandon it for good…

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Aah finally some experiential glimpse to the quality of actuality today…

Got up at 4am and was feeling pretty fresh and it was super silent and still…as it is always around this time of the day here…There is this period of super calm before sunrise when there are barely any sounds of both humans(vehicles etc activity) and animals, birds…It is as if the psychic web is at its lowest at this time…I wonder if this is the case across the globe ? I think Peter also mentioned something similar…

I wasn’t in a full blown PCE, but was in a very delightful place and there was this glimpse of stillness…outside the windows I saw these insects circling around very close to the street lamp which I experienced as such a super sweet intimacy…

Its little wonder why Richard calls this stillness as peace and also the most precious thing(“more precious than rare gemstones, relationships etc”)…it really is like an end of everything…this everything is ofcourse “me” in its entirety…from the standpoint of this perfectly still “other” world, it is literally mind-boggling what a load of total delusion everyday “reality” is each moment again…it exactly feels like a nightmare one is dreaming and upon glimpsing actuality, its like one wakes up from that nightmare !

Fast forward few hours later whilst having b’fast…my mom spoke some thing about girls n marriage…and I found myself hard to control my uprising annoyance…all that flavour of stillness lost in a matter of minutes…return of the full being which wasn’t even actually there to begin with :laughing:

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In the real world, every experience - however good or exciting or pleasurable - gets boring after repeated experiencing of the same…so the thought is that even the super cool stuff of actuality such as stillness, delight, wonder etc will get boring after a while

I know this is just “my” trickery to avoid self-immolation…because boredom is affective and it can’t remain after self-immolation hehe

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Trickery indeed! Because all it takes is a second of experiencing actuality to know by direct experience that it could never ever become boring.

I have been looking at boredom recently too and what I keep coming back to is that experience of actuality where this moment is forever fresh and always novel, it is so utterly fulfilling to experience, its exactly 180 degree opposite to reality.

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Pretty motivating short video except for that trust and believe part :

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So since yesterday evening after an incident I decided to take stock of one conveniently_swept_under_the_carpet_yet_persistant behaviour stemming from righteous anger which in turn is based on the belief in equality

Basically when it comes to dating apps, I expect that the girl must take equal interest in communicating when a match happens…some do, but many don’t and this puts me off because I find that most of these women would likely stand for gender equality, but when it comes to communication, they want me to be the guy and pursue etc…I don’t mind playing a bit of the guy’s role, but only to an extant…whatever be their reason for not communicating much, fact is that ultimately its my expectation on them based on a belief in equality thats causing me the upset… which in turn leads generally to saying something unpleasant or unmatching the person etc…which is quite plainly a malicious behaviour

For a while I even tried “letting go” and see what happens as-in let them not communicate…but this approach wasn’t exactly fruitful because the expectation and the resentment is still in place lol but there is what @Andrew calls “spiritual bypass” happening or in other words, the problem is just buried under the carpet

From the standpoint of a PCE or even feeling good, I can see that it won’t matter if the match doesn’t take much interest in communicating…enjoying my own company is key whilst still being on the lookout for the correct person

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This was the first message from the girl I’m currently dating, and she’s been lovely

I take all these ‘games’ people play as somewhat self-sorting, the more someone feels a need to resort to games, they’re likely more deeply ensconced in ‘humanity’ anyway and thus less interesting to me

By the same token, if I message someone, express interest, and they don’t reply or don’t give me much to work with, then clearly they aren’t that interested in the end… the match was merely speculative. I can see myself doing the same thing with some people that I swipe right on, too.

Something I realized a couple months back was that when there is mutual attraction, there’s not much need for all these games, both parties are just interested in eachother and thus make an effort to see one another. There is some room for leg work of sorts, but mainly my interest is doing simple things like cleaning up reasonably, and then the biggest factor in success will always be my vibe.

I was going to write this up in my journal, but this is a good place too: this evening I was around a woman I’m extremely attracted to, and I found myself making a subtle fool of myself the entire time. After some analysis I can see it was purely because I was nervous & thus leaning on ‘games’ like trying to appear confident, nonstop cracking stupid jokes, & making surface-level small talk. When I’m happy & genuinely confident around people, that’s not how I act at all. Why would it ever be attractive?

It’s not, it’s just a weak attempt that might work on some people but is ultimately not that interesting.

It’s so obvious that when I’m really close to purity my own fascination does everything necessary… I am genuinely interested in the other person, and with not much of a stake at all - both extremely attractive attributes in a person.

I’ll see how I am tomorrow :slight_smile:

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