A while back I had been to the place where I grew up…it was a quite a happy childhood filled with playing most of the time…but now the place gives me a sorrowful nostalgic feeling whenever I think about it.
Compared to that, my relatively newer residences don’t give off that sorrowful nostalgic feeling when I think of them.
Its the same same material of the universe at both the places - concrete, dirt, dust, trees etc…so obviously this sorrowful feeling has nothing to do with the places, but my memories associated with them…as in, there is nothing fundamentally different about the places.
Ergo : As I feel, will I distort the experience. ( This is my Descartes like “I think therefore I am” quote )…and the feeling being must go for this distortion to end.
Yesterday night had this deep insight that I’m yet to become a full traitor to the men’s camp. I still feel righteous anger whenever I perceive unfairness against men by the modern feminists…
Doesn’t matter if feminism or anti-feminism…The fact is that this “psychological man” that I take myself to be is entirely a fiction…created first in the primary school which I went to - where girls and boys had a distinct dress code, hairstyles etc to name a few…and here is where all sorts of “men’s roles” started getting engrained gradually
“men’s roles” which is primarily rooted in physical strength have to perform, provide and protect…and at all cost “be strong”…but should the actual flesh n blood body be performing, providing and protecting based on strength ?
With this “psychological man” having to “be strong” stems a large part of my aggression …preventing me from going carefree…
I was sitting on a chair whilst contemplating all this and I stood up to walk n noticed the peculiar pressure at the nape of the neck(this has happened in the past when something really deep is seen)…but then I got sidetracked “aah I’m going all Richardian style nape of the neck sensation”
But today morning an incident happened serendipitously
I was standing at the cashier’s at a supermarket and saw an attractive girl entering the supermarket…We exchanged a few glances and she even came to stand behind me…and lo and behold, the “psychological man” came up and started feeling pressure to act in a certain way…be attractive…impress her somehow…because thats the role to play with the ultimate aim of getting laid…damn !
The realisation from this incident ? Giving up men’s camp is going to take a while…its not just a one-off realisation leading to release from that camp…but will require some more behavioral changes and motivation as well to move into the fellow human being direction
I noticed when I started seeing my ex again that she was playing the traditional woman’s role of doing the cooking and cleaning and I liked it and I was playing the man’s role of getting the work done on the house. I especially liked sitting at the table while she cooked and served the food.
Haha @jamesjjoo … I’ve experienced a very similar thing when my ex did all the dishes at my home once…so she felt like a “good wifey”… making me feel like “the man”
My current understanding is that after the instinctual being itself, it’s this gender identity which has one of the maximum grip on most people.
Richard speaks quite a lot about it at around the very beginning of his Journal and even has a dedicated article for that - Without a gender identity, one has actual intimacy.
There is nothing fundamentally adverse to actualism in the natural “role division” between men and women.
I saw it between Richard & Vineeto. Even though they are not sexually active, and are not in a ‘relationship’, I observed what can be interpreted as “roles”. Vineeto would remind Richard to take his pain medication, just as women in my life would be more attentive to these practical considerations.
Richard was obviously to me more forthright, and Vineeto more supportive. When we were pulling apart a wall in the house boat, Richard appeared perplexed with my objection. Vineeto reached out and put her hand on his back, in much the same way any other “supportive woman” may do.
Richard is very clear in his journal that to him, the functions of Society are not the problem. It is purely the ‘self’ which is the problem.
Willingly becoming a ‘self’ happy to ‘self-immolate’ is not synonymous with rearranging domestic divisions of labour.
In short, I didn’t meet a pair of androgenous drones in Ballina. Whatever natural tendencies and personality formed due to gender where still observable.
It would be surprising that with the very physical differences in both the body and the brain, with different levels of testosterone and estrogen, very different amygdala ( the front of the male amygdala is twice the size of the female) that actual freedom would result in some sort of behavioural equality.
It was Richard who was inclined to make modifications to the house boat. He planned out, bought materials and was on the floor with me putting it together.
It was Vineeto who promptly would get up and go shopping. She also loved to sleep in, just as every woman I have been with had talent for!
Oh yes @Andrew I’m fully in favour of work division regardless of the gender…having clearly defined work roles is actually sensible as it avoids confusion…
But the only place, I would watch out for is when it endorses me as a “psychological man”
I’ve read that Article 5 about gender identity again to find a good reason n motivation to give up gender identity and I’ve finally found something…Without the gender identity, war between sexes is over…so the correct motivation seems to be the ending of these perpetual wars…but gotta contemplate it a bit more and see …
Hmm, it seems off track to me. The goal is to be a self happy to end, with only the objections to that goal being worth looking at. Which are mostly synonymous with enjoying and appreciating, come what may. The goal and the means are the same thing.
Expections of roles is another thing entirely. If I were to be disappointed that my partner isn’t fulfilling my version of roles and my expectations of how a man and woman are “meant to be” (which is exactly what I have done previously) then I have something to look at to end the war.
One can, unilaterally, simply give up the war psychologically.
Then it’s a matter of preference who one spends time with.
So you want somebody who love to talk? Even if they hate to clean?
Are you happy with someone who doesn’t talk much about feelings, but otherwise is happy to be around?
Then it’s an autonomous choice. One isn’t fulfilling a role, but deciding on who is the best compliment to you.
For me, I am out of the game of finding and selecting a partner for now. It’s my own company which is important. But I am 46. That’s naturally another stage of life.
Nobody or nothing is wasting my time more than myself(wasting in the sense of an utterly fruitless endeavour like injecting Chlorophyl to leaves so it can do photosynthesis lol)…Its only ever “me” playing out past events or possible future scenarios in the head thats the most time-wasting thing I can do. The feeling is that I will miss out on something valuable if I stop this. The trick is to stop this unconditionally without worrying about whatever valuable thing I’ll miss out.
Before self-immolation, the money in my bank account will put food on my table and pay my bills for survival and after self-immolation, the money in my bank account will put food on my table and pay my bills for survival. (…like that Buddhist quote, before enlightenment chop wood…lol)…There is this fearful feeling, that I’ll turn into a leaf blowing in the wind without the instincts…but the fact is that I need money to survive. The question is - if I go bankrupt or the monetary system collapses and things go to anarchy or whatever wild system, will I survive without the instincts ? Maybe…maybe not…but to live the next 40 or so years of my natural life remaining on earth with such kinds of fears seems rather pointless.
Well, considering we have 10 seconds of oxygen in our brains, and a with few missed heartbeats, we have none; is 40 years of “natural life” a guarantee?
)…and the feeling being must go for this distortion to end.