it’s funny to see you write that after the much you’ve written about having bad self-body image, “knowing your place” in the sexual marketplace , etc… seems like it isn’t such an issue for you as you made it out to be?
Hmm so it looks like you’re placing this in the framework of ‘man’ vs. ‘woman’ - which is understandable - but there is a way to put it into the context of actualism, of mutually beneficial association, of fellowship regard, of intimacy and appreciation, wherein the gendered aspect (with all the battles and wars) is indeed irrelevant.
For the most part, the only reason to ‘hide’ an aspect of yourself is from fear of how the other person will react. Men always remark about how women are ‘perceptive’ and can sniff these things out… I think it simply comes down to being invested and interested in intimacy, which women are more stereotypically prone to do, while men are more stereotypically withdrawn. Be that as it may, when being intimate with someone, part of that is getting to know them intricately, and it becomes easy to spot inconsistencies.
Being evasive (as opposed to forthright) is certainly going to mar and put a stopper on intimacy fully flourishing.
Likewise it is a highly desirable trait when somebody - and this is not exclusive to actualists - knows what they want, do not feel bad about wanting what they want, and do not impose any will or requirements on others to fulfill what they want. This is a self-sustaining person, standing on their own, without sticky dependent binds reaching out and ensnaring people around them. This is a person that it is much easier to be yourself around, and therefore much easier to have fun with.
Some people won’t want this in a partner - they want someone they can control, or they want somebody that ‘needs’ them so they feel needed, etc… this is a person that will not want a relationship with an actualist. And it would be silly for an actualist to pursue a relationship with such a person. But there will be those people that do want this, very much, in a partner… and those people, whether they are actualists or not, will likely enjoy and appreciate being in a relationship with an actualist.
Personally I think this is why looks really don’t matter so much for a relationship… it’s sufficient for both people simply have to like the other person. Possibly attractive women will appreciate this more as perhaps they are used to men wanting to use them for looks or as a status symbol etc., but I don’t want to make generalizations.
In any case, as opposed to being a forthright, decisive, and confident manly-man who is Ug and goes and hunts deer with club and brings home the bacon, etc… it’s possibly to be a sincere, naive, artless, likable and liking male, having fun with being a female who appreciates those qualities.
Perhaps this will help you navigate a way out of being a ‘man’ with all the downsides that entails!