Oh dear…Looks like I was indeed wanting to rummage around some more 
. Perhaps I thought on the 1000th scan of the area I will find the missing key, somewhere buried in the rubble.
Thank you for the reminder, I did have a good laugh at myself when I read your response, because it exposed what I was doing completely.
But at the same time I recognise that I cannot continue doing this forever - creeping up, hanging back, buying time, looking for reassurance etc.
Something useful has come from this actually, which is that I can see now that I always hoped that I could resolve the human condition. That actualism was the tool to accomplish this. That if I rummage around enough eventually the puzzle will click and the human condition will be fixed.
But now I can see that no matter how well I outline that which is rotten to it’s very core, it will still remain rotten!
There was some kind of a hidden assumption there that understanding would automatically lead to resolution, which is simply incorrect. I can understand the human condition thoroughly but it will still remain in existence, just as rotten as always.
It’s like if I was to go and study the various atrocities that happen throughout the globe, I could compile the most exquisite information about the victims, the perpetrators, the conditions etc And by the end of the day those atrocities would still continue happening, there would still be no end to it. I would know the problem but there would be no solution.