Origin of resentment to be here

I think this pretty much sums it up :joy: there is so many things to clarify here that I don’t really want to keep going back and forth over text. I’ve had lots of good zoom calls with the guys lately so I’d be down to compare notes on this thing via zoom if you’re interested? Maybe a few others would wanna join like last time as well.

Actually I just randomly came across this ‘pure intent depiction’ again, I wonder if this could help to clarify what we have been discussing here too - Depictions of Pure intent

Specifically Purity ‘trickling’ down from the actual and then being tapped into via Pure intent or at the lower level a sincere intent, with even the felicitous feelings having a ‘flavour’ of it.

My proposition is that this is the primary ‘feature’ which allows a movement away from resentment, because at each step one is getting closer to that purity and thus separation is diminished, and this begins at just feeling good, as the felicitous is an imitation of the actual.

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I had forgotten about that diagram… Very interesting indeed, @Kub933.

Yes I definitely want to join any zoom chat you guys setup.
Should we make a thread, with tentative time for possible upcoming Zoom meeting?

Thank you Kuba and Felix for going over these concepts and subtleties.
It is very helpful to see all sides of this ever evolving journey of Actual Freedom
from human condition.

My update report: I have been making fairly good progress and am able to
feel good for longer and longer time periods.
One thing that has helped me ( and I am amazed that it is becoming a habit and
almost like second nature ) is the awareness of how I am feeling each moment most of
the time , and being able to catch myself if I am “selfing”( preoccupied with self concerns )
and moving away from feeling good, so then I can actively reorient myself back toward feeling good.

Of course reading posts here on this forum has been most helpful, and
specifically related to this thread ( " [Origin of resentment to be here" ), I am not feeling lost, frustrated and confused as I was 2 months or even a couple of weeks ago.
So I am very happy and patting myself on the back as Srinath had suggested.

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Ok cool, I will be sure to let you know next time one is happening :+1:

Hey, cool diagram @Kub933 .

We might be talking about two different sides, the decision of the identity to do something and the outside help that is given me nice that decision is made.

Personally for me, I’m not at a stage where I can access a connection to purity each moment again without falling off the wagon into bad feelings. For me it creates a more stable experience to focus on feeling good, rather than accessing something more esoteric or advanced

I find that when I try to go for a different goal beyondfeeling good, such as accessing purity for example, sooner or later the good/bad feelings knock me off my perch. That might just be where I’m at - needing feeling good to be stable for now.

And yeah would be up for participating in a chat online sometime :slight_smile:

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Yes this is my suspicion, two sides to the same coin which is applying the method but yes let’s do a chat and we can discuss much better that way, I think it could be fun! I will make a thread and see if anyone else is interested since @FrankN also wanted to join in.

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Thanks for sharing this Felix, and sharing with sincerity.
I wonder if others e.g. claudiu, Elgin, kuba, etc. and perhaps ( geofrrey and Srinath in there pre-AF state ) could comment about this.

What sort of comment are you looking for @FrankN ?

Accessing Purity vs concentrating on feeling good .

The only comment I would make is that it makes no sense to me to separate feeling good and allowing purity into some dichotomy and especially to see it as feeling good vs allowing purity. Bearing in mind that feeling felicitous is an imitation of the actual, how could I be feeling felicitous and not allowing that purity to whatever degree. And how could I be allowing that purity without feeling good. I think this is where the pure intent diagram posted above might help to illustrate this. Although it could be what @Felix mentioned, perhaps it is once a connection is made to pure intent that those 2 can no longer be separated, experientially I cannot differentiate between the 2. The choice to feel good for me is the choice to allow purity and vice versa.

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Ultimately I don’t think it matters how you slice it for yourself personally @Kub933. Although we are putting things into words here, what we are describing in terms of our psychological experiences is pretty complex! I think going along the journey, everyone is going to have a different map in their head. For you this “allow purity” thing is mapped and sounds like a great pointer for you.

I’m not saying there is no link between feeling good and accessing a deeper level of naïveté/sensuosity (which I’d say is necessary to “access purity” as you put it), but I do think it’s possible to feel good in a basic way without doing that. Again if you’ve had recent PCEs and such, you might be able to go further all at once!

For me personally as I said, feeling good each moment again is a big enough goal for now. I think if I told myself to “access purity” as a goal - I’d start to lose awareness of how I felt emotionally and start deviating from feeling good. That’s just me though - I’ve gone back to basics and just made feeling good each moment again my goal. The beginner approach essentially.

How do you go with “accessing purity” each moment again @Kub933?

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Reading this is very helpful and a good reminder.
Hi Felix, do you do this via “How Am I Experiencing This Moment of Being Alive” ?
Any further pointers that you have, would be appreciated again.

It’s as simple as asking HAEITMOBA, realising if I don’t feel good (or appreciating it if I do) and tracing back to when I last felt good!

This usually shows up whatever the issue is - which as I see as silly or put on a “it doesn’t really matter” basis. Sometimes there is still traces of other bad feelings - for example I might see I’m a bit irritated about being tired or something like that, even though the trigger was a different issue. My goal is to maintain a clean feeling good.

Its clear to me now that no matter what, it doesn’t make sense not to feel good emotionally (regardless of anything that might look like an issue).

Question for Felix or anyone else.

I find myself aware of feeling good and a few moments later I catch myself daydreaming or thinking about something. And that seems to take away to some degree the feeling good that I had prior to
the to that daydream or thought. I may not even be feeling bad, but I have lost awareness of feeling good. Is that something that needs to be addressed ?

Are we “allowed” lol, to daydream or think, or “should” our awareness stay on HAIETMOBA ???
So we don’t get distracted ???

RICHARD: Basically imagining means forming mental pictures of objects that are not present or situations that are not happening … whereas the actual is marvellous beyond one’s wildest dreams and schemes.

I am not sure what you mean by this? Do you
mean how do I go about doing it? ie what do I do to allow purity?

If you mean how do I go about it, I just read your post - Felix's Diary - #149 by Felix and it sounds very similar to what my experience would be :smiley: I will write more when I get to work. But in short it is noticing that ‘I’ am currently blocking it in whatever way eg by being that anxious energy and then instead orienting myself towards purity.

I was more asking if you have success with accessing the purity each moment again? (Including in terms of framing it in that way).

I’m also trying to work out if you are doing something else to me or the same thing haha.

Yeah I notice what I’m feeling and what’s behind it - it’s similar to popping bubbles. This frees me up and frees my senses. It’s becoming easier these days.

Sometimes if I’m not letting go of the feeling I ask myself if I’m being naive enough, and remind myself of the whole goal (peace on earth).

But there also has to be a willingness to taste this moment - as much as I can look at my feelings and feel better, that gap will always be filled with new feelings if I don’t find some way to “bite” into this moment by enjoying and appreciating.

However, in terms of the post you referenced from last night, that is more an outlier experience than my ongoing method. I don’t think I could maintain that in daily living - too many triggers for now.

In terms of dismantling beliefs, it seems to be more about reducing the feelings associated rather than just seeing the belief as silly. It’s more like a weakening.

Lately I’ve been doing that with sexual attraction, and specifically homosexuality. I’m wondering how much of my perceived biological homosexuality is actually identity-based. I’ve always thought of myself as possibly bisexual and lately the possibility of being with females is coming to the fore a lot more. Something I’m exploring anyway!

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Oh I see, so firstly I describe it as ‘allowing purity’ as this is experientially what it’s like for me.
Also I should say that this happens in gradients, it is not a yes/no sorta thing, it seems the connection is there more or less at all times but the bandwidth changes.

Day to day it expresses itself roughly in the below 3 stages :

  1. Swimming in Purity - This is what I was experiencing on Friday after contemplating one of the threads on here. It happened of its own accord as a result of the fascinated contemplation. I then find myself in what appears to be an EE, ‘I’ am still there but I am swimming in pure intent, it is all around, seems like ‘I’ am the flimsiest of films. Resentment is nowhere to be found, and separation is markedly diminished. In this example it seems extremely easy but only because it is already happening :laughing:

  2. Orienting myself towards Purity - This is where I would say I spend most of my time, it is a constant back and forth, like the needle of some measuring device constantly flickering between ‘being’ and purity. How this typically plays out is somewhat similar to what you wrote in your near peak experience post. I find that I am blocking that purity by being whatever good/bad feelings, this noticing allows me to orient myself back towards purity. There has to be an agreement on my part to allow this purity, if I am not in agreement and a part of me is holding back then it would be down to stage 3 (below).

  3. Digging myself out of a hole :laughing: - This is where I find myself stuck in some feeling pattern and feeling emotionally overwhelmed. I think the connection to purity is still there during those times but it is just that ‘I’ am completely overwhelming the experience with emotion. During those times my approach would be very much what you describe as ‘doing the work’ and sorta ‘going back to the basics’. This is where I might have to take a bit of a back step, experience this affective structure fully, explore the whole issue etc. Sooner or later I am back on track and then its a case of getting onto number 2 and 1 again, this describes the bulk of what is happening to me experientially nowadays. The game is to spend more time in number 2 and 1, ideally number 1.

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