I think this is the most vital part >> agreeing to enjoy this moment. Feeling happy and harmless or orienting towards purity (for me it’s innocence) amounts to the same thing in my book. The impelling force vs the propelling force is a wrong equation like you already pointed out.
In my own experience, pure intent is always there on some level. It’s my navigational device, my Northstar, so to speak.
But it’s not a “force” I feel in my everyday life, though I know it’s force and potency very intimately. It’s more like a measurement device I can always use to compare myself against. Without it, I wouldn’t exactly know how “dirty or clean” I am at any given moment. Because I can become very sublime, humble, righteous etc and feel “clean”. The purity/innocence of the actual world however, detects very precisely where I am at.
Hey Felix! I was reading your post and this part caught my attention.
I’ve been wondering about the same thing since I started my journey in actualism. I don’t really experience attraction to women, and in fact, I’m quite happy living with my boyfriend, but I still wonder how much of the preference for men over women is part of my identity and how much is a biological aspect of this body. Have you discovered something about this in your investigations?
I’m thinking that the allusion to ‘purity seeping through,’ pure intent type stuff is the connection, in whatever form, that keeps one being interested in peace, in feeling good, in becoming free. Anyone and everyone can feel good every now and then as a matter of happenstance, but what makes an actualist is having that sense that makes one want to feel good when not feeling good, or wanting to feel even better when already feeling good.
I still think that any kind of good mood has some thread of purity in it, but there is something different happening once that benediction of pure intent occurs.
I think the resentment is what keeps us human, I can’t say how many times I’ve had PCEs end with “well this is all great but what about…”
It’s ‘me’ that has some problem, and that problem is what prevents perfection from being apparent. I never don’t have a problem, and it’s experienced as painful. That’s what the resentment comes from. ‘I’ can never fully relax.
In my opinion, daydreaming is rather normal and shouldn’t be a problem as long as it doesn’t become too exessive. Daydreaming is btw, a very good opportunity to observe yourself, your dreams, recurrent themes, visions, etc.They tell a lot about you.
As you know the distraction/diversion happens very often when facing problems, uncertainties, fears, etc., but also when the self feels bored in the sense that nothing around you seems to be interesting or significant enough to hold your attention.
In that case, I like to remind myself that the universe is neither passive nor inert, and I start looking for clues on how this fact manifests itself. Mostly, it doesn’t take too long before I find something that leads me into contemplation and faszination.
I think it’s Peter that mentions that a genuine realization is often accompanied by a feeling of embarrassment… “how could I think that all these years?”
Nothing for it but to keep ramping up the sincerity & go on
It’s nothing special, Henry. The easiest way for me is to be aware of the body and how it “and” the world self-organize without any input from me. I keep in mind that I’m not physical and will watch how things go from there.
I watch TV while drinking a glass of water, vaping my e-cigarette, going to the bathroom, etc. There is a kind of awareness where I’m, in a sense, “leaning back” and letting the world do its thing. I try not to interfere, so to speak. It may feel awkward at first, but when I slowly “release” my grip, the body starts to walk and do things on its own. This can be seen on whatever level one is able to at that moment. This is not to be confused with watching your breath, etc., because this is considered a “passive movement”, while walking and doing things, on the other hand, are considered “active” movements.
I remember a day where I was typing on my keyboard doing “boring” things at work and became fascinated by how fast I was able to do all these things very precisely and adequately. It was all way too fast for “me.” I was in a flow-state and watching my fingertips get even faster, and I was becoming more fascinated by the moment when a PCE occurred. In one moment I was “behind the picture” and in the next moment I was “in the picture”, so to speak.
I try out all kinds of things just for the fun of it. I’m just curious and naive enough to peek holes into the wall to see what happens-just like little kids do
I was the youngest sibling so I never really got to live with somebody younger and see the process of them growing up. Nieces, nephews and cousins kids were my first exposure to seeing people grow up but you see them here and there and don’t get a full sense of their development.
My own kids are the first time I have directly seen somebody younger than me grow up. So it has been interesting to see how their personalities and traits begin to evolve and morph.
For all my kids I have noticed the beginnings of resentment begin to foster at around the age of 4. It is usually in the form of resistance and frustration if you interrupt some joyful activity they are doing or if you ask them to pick up an object or pass them something.
It seems around 7 to 8 it just seems to grow as to possible causes of resentment, having to learn, having to tidy toys or do anything that deters them from their own desires, telling off the wrong person or making a mistake in the laying down of the rules. They start to recall past wrong doings or misjustices. The personalities vary from how much they hold on to grudges and they have dispositions as to which type of misjustices or causes more stick in their mind that they feel indignant about.
My eldest is 11 now and the teenage hormones are beginning to kick in and there is so much more layers of resistance and resentment starting to appear. For my eldest at times having to help and be responsible for the younger two triggers frustration too. Her sense of self is becoming more distinct and defined. The boundaries of what she accepts and doesn’t accept. She is getting more unpredictable in her behaviour. Which I noticed makes me uncomfortable. I seek to try and figure people out like some equation, do x,y and z and get x, y and z response, it is not that neat and simple with people though.
It is interesting to see how normalised it is to feel resentment. Nobody seems to have any qualms about resentment being a thing. It is almost a “just” feeling in certain contexts, not factually but within our emotional narratives.
Yesterday in the call we touched upon the subject of blind spots briefly. I think acknowledgement of my own resentment was an initial blind spot. I didn’t think I had any resentment in me when first introduced to AF but I was obviously lying to myself. I didn’t want to accept any facts that could dent my love of highs from learning and creativity and the identities obviously formed from these passions.
Now I see resentment as one of the most common recurring emotions disrupting my felicitous and sensuous moments.
This comedy sketch about the changes from childhood to adolescence always stuck in my head lol. The true origin of resentment here lol.
