In the interest of sharing ‘techniques’ a.k.a. ‘technics’ or ‘techs’, I thought I’d share something interesting I came across of late:
The word ‘musturbation’ is basically a fancy way of referring to ‘demands’ (aka. unconditional shoulds and absolutistic musts) we place on the world of people, things and events at large, viz:
Demandingness. Referred to colourfully by Ellis as ‘musturbation’, demandingness refers to the way people hold unconditional shoulds and absolutistic musts – believing that certain things must or must not happen, and that certain conditions (for example success, love, or approval) are absolute necessities. Demandingness implies certain ‘Laws of the Universe’ that must be adhered to. Demands can be directed both internally and outwardly. REBT suggests that there are three basic musts:
- Demands about the self;
- Demands about others;
- Demands about the world.
[..] it seems that there is almost always a demand at the root of a person’s emotional or behavioural problems
(In absence of demands, one would naturally put it all on preference basis).
I came across this word, and REBT (Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy) in general, as part of my usual fun exercise in finding out accurate and specific labels for feelings. I discovered, then, that (covert) demands constituted a large part of my social identity! It also enabled me to begin to become free of them over time.
The other thing I could relate to from REBT is:
Secondary disturbance Another unique feature of REBT is its recognition of the importance of working with ‘secondary disturbances’, that is, problems about problems (e.g. feeling guilty about being angry, or anxious about becoming anxious). More about this later.
‘Secondary disturbances’ have been another very-entrenched habit of mine, and it is useful to put a ‘label’ on it, as it makes it easier to recognize it action.
REBT’s approach to self-esteem / self-worth also hits the mark quite easily in regards to its redundance:
Absence of Self-Evaluation
REBT has a unique approach to the common therapeutic problem of ‘low self-esteem’. Many therapists would try to help people with low self-esteem by encouraging them to regard themselves as ‘worthy’ human beings. REBT therapist takes a radically different approach – encouraging the client to throw out the idea of self-esteem entirely! This involves giving up the practice of trying to judge human beings as ‘worthy’ (a notion, incidentally, that implies it is possible for them to be ‘unworthy’!); and getting rid of the idea that people somehow need ‘value’ or ‘esteem’.
If this strikes a chord with people, I’d recommend reading the first 4 pages of that PDF. I only found the concepts relevant, to the extent ‘labelling’ is helpful; I haven’t bothered much with the detailed processes and exercises described in the rest of the PDF.
