Thanks so much for following up on this for us, Claudiu, and thanks to Vineeto for the clarification. I now understand it. There were two separate events. The first was the abdication of the guardian, during which the centre of reference was still extant. Then, a week later, there was the brain-scattering event, which resulted in the loss of the centre of reference and permanent apperceptive awareness of the infinitude of the universe as infinite space, eternal time, and perpetual matter. I’m so appreciative of the fact that my rushed skim-reading of that page led me to ask the initial question of this thread leading to all that has followed. I think I grasp what’s happening now. I believe that after the event of becoming actually free, the mind has a lot of reconfiguring and updating to do. I responded to Henry’s question about locating a center, and I answered no, which was the case at the time of writing those words. Only now do I realise that it was not permanent yet. There is a fluctuation between apperceptive awareness of infinitude (less frequent and unmistakable) and moments of apperceptive awareness dominated by thought (more frequent), which has been so muddied, battered, bruised, and abused by the utter impurity of the affective faculty. There is a process unfolding, where thought is becoming purified by none other than pure intent (the manifest life-force, which is genuinely occurring as a stream of benevolence and benignity that originates in the perfect and vast stillness that is the essential character of the infinitude of the universe). It is as if I am being held by the hand by pure intent and being taken on a guided tour of the actual world as a newcomer.
This is why isolation is anathema to an actual freedom. I’m diving into any and every situation I can to see away the boundary-creating centre of consciousness. Not because it is the right thing to do but because I cannot not do it! It is heart thumpingly thrilling to confront situation after situation that would have previously triggered emotions, see that it no longer does, and then see it (a particular boundary) dissolve.
The degree of clarity (the baseline is super crystal clear!) fluctuates and I will update as it further improves but It is 1.15am here and I’ve been awake since 3.50am so that’s all I’ve got for now haha.
Besos