appreciate it Elgin …
i reflected on the point that you were making
and i saw my silliness of giving that solution to james ( eventhogh it worked for me ) …
and of course that vineeto did not say to turn fear to hate …
i wrote something from my opinion …but i guess the comparison with vineeto sentence was a big mistake …
Again appreciate it elgin …i went and brought all my writings back , they are now there and please don’t hesitate to trigger me again … 
I can not ever imagine in million years , that i would be or even i could be standing in a " vast canyon" all by myself at 6 o’clock in the morning without nobody around and enjoy and appreciate this moment of being alive this much !!!
How grateful i am to Richard , how grateful we are all to Richard , that he discovered or invented this method of Actual Freedom ! it is unbelievable !
nobody would do it , if it wasnt for Richard i would not even find this enjoying and appritiating this moment of being alive this much .This is unbeleivable ! this feeling good is completely different than any and i mean any of all those good feelings …
i was gonna stay in that canyon forever ! if it wasn’t for the heat , i would be standing there for the rest of mylife !when i came back home and i saw the clock it was 10 oclock ! 4 hours of feeling good feeling great feeling safe in that canyon all bymyself …this canyon that i have been looking at it from above or from inside a car , and wishing that if i could just dare to walk into this canyon and not scared …i remeber Felix’s writing : " Wow , just wow " !!
i am thinking now that being criticized is a big trigger for me, and make me suffer a lot …
so how can i investigate this theme more, so that i don’t fall for it again ?
by knowing that even experienced people in this path still fall for this subject a lot …
as Srinath’s written = investigation :
1 = maybe this theme criticism = is connected to these themes of humiliation, weakness , shame, feeling disrespected, feeling out-competed …
…
and these are all my own major themes…
2 = now i have to identify deeper beliefs, fantasies, values or feeling structures …
i can not find my belief ? what is my basic fantasies and beliefs ?
3 = now i have to Relate the above feeling themes to the instinctual passions fear, aggression, nurture and desire
this must be desire for me …
4 = See the good feelings that are maintaining the bad feelings
Feelings of being dejected and ashamed may relate to your prizing of good feelings of status, pride and social respectability.
i guess for me is all because of prizing good feelings …
these good feelings are very dangerous …and cunning …
…
I’ll reply to it on a later point when I have enough time Leila. Here in Germany it’s sleeping time 
@leila the belief would be your reason for feeling bad. Is it a good enough reason?
It can be challenging to see it as a belief, but remember you have the opportunity to feel good no matter what, regardless of what happens, whether someone criticizes you etc.
appritiate your reply Elgin. good night !
One thing that often helps me when I’m having trouble figuring out why I feel the way I do (as in what keeps me feeling that way)… is I ask myself “what would I lose if I didn’t feel this way?” There will usually be an instant thought reaction of “but if I didn’t feel that way then … X”. And X is the thing I’m valuing.
Example if someone interrupts me and I feel annoyed, I know I feel annoyed because I was interrupted , but why is it such a big deal? “What would I lose if I didn’t feel annoyed at being interrupted?” “Ahh that means that people could just walk all over me … no respect!” And that reveals that the underlying identity structure around it is of wanting to feel respected, heard, validated, etc. and then once I see that it’s usually enough to see it as silly, but if it isn’t I dig deeper … “is it worth holding onto this feeling of needing to be heard if it means I’ll feel annoyed whenever someone interrupts me?” Etc etc … by that point I have an “edge” in.
ok i went for my afternoon walk: enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive …even though i was feeling good but i noticed that my mind is running and i am just day dreaming …
i catch my self between day dreaming …it was all about me me me …thinking …and all of a sudden a loud honk of a car scared me …
i looked back there was a car with 4 boys seating in it , laughing and looking at me …my heart was beating like a bird and my mouth was open looking at them …
it took me awhile til i get back to normal …but i was still in shock …
i told myself ok remember they (henrry claudio migule srinath ) said go back to feeling good …i tried , but my mind did not let me …and started this conversation :why did they honk , why were they laughing at me ? why and why?
i noticed that i am checking myself to see if something wrong with my cloth or anything funny about it …and then telling myself : " it is silly …just let go and go back to feeling good ." …
but no i could not ,and i was day dreaming …and my mind started to say : " you have waisted 2 hours , you are not gonna make it ,you are not even gonna become virtually free .let alone to be actually free , you are not even close ,you didn’t even have any PCEs …maybe in your dreams you become actually free …
i noticed that i am rushing to come home and i am frowning …
now i have a question: since my mind talks alot , "day dream "alot …what did Geofrry and srinath do to stop this thinking and day dreaming…?
because if i dont pay attention my mind is gonna take me from here to there …i find it very hard to bring myself back to this moment of being alive most of the times …especially in the evenings …
@leila " i find it very hard to bring myself back to this moment of being alive most of the times …especially in the evenings"
James: Asking oneself ‘haietmoba’ each moment again is very good “to bring myself back to this moment again”. I thought of this to tell you while sitting at the lake and this reminded me also to ask haietmoba. Then I asked myself haietmoba and it helped me to tune in to the purity of the universe.
The thing is that you will fall for it again. As long a self is present you can’t fully “escape” it. But that’s not the point here. The point is to come to a level where you can just nip it in the bud, so that it doesn’t escalate any further. Your pulling the plug so to speak. The trigger level goes from 10 down to 7,5,2,1 and so on. At one point it doesn’t bother you at all. You can go happy and harmless within a few seconds.
So the main issue seems to be validation, which is tied to self-worth. If you seek validation, then the obverse is also true: You will feel hurt by criticism. So you have to find out why you seek validation in the first place to lessen the other side of the coin. Can you see that?
Leila: ‘I’ think/feel people should love me, like me, show me how good, important, cute, intelligent, tender I am etc.
But… that’s not gonna happen.
Some people will, but most will not. Why should they? They don’t need to. People are generally not like that (human condition, just lazy, busy etc). Most people will somewhat fulfill their social protocol and that’s it. They have no obligation whatsoever. And that’s perfectly fine.
Did you have any PCE yet? Because when you had an PCE you’ll immediately see that it doesn’t matter how people see you and react towards you. The whole matter of self-worth is utterly non existant. There is no self to have any worth. Worth doesn’t mean a thing. You are a sentient and reflective human beeing (intelligent per se) and that’s all there is to it. A body has no worth, it is already established, a fact. It looks out to stay healthy and goes on having fun.
If you hadn’t any PCE yet, then it’s a bit more tricky, because you have no reference point yet.
Claudiu made a really great suggestion. You have to inquire. You’ll find the culprit eventually.
You and everyone else 
Don’t worry because this is what we’re all working through on some level. You can fast track your progress if you can manage to have fun with investigating and observing yourself. Turn into a scientist and observe yourself like you’re studying a new species. Remember that you’ll make mistakes and misunderstandings, and that you need to walk a fine line between taking other’s advice and being your own authority. This is a part I imagine everyone struggles with, either leaning to one side or the other.
I’m so excited to have you here @leila. It’s nice to have women participating and I hope more start to become interested in Actual Freedom. I hope you find it as rewarding as I have so far.
A useful way to look at it is ‘fascination’
You’re not to where looking at these emotions is fun, but can you find fascination with how you operate? You’re a human alive on the earth with a certain strange & interesting way of operating!
This fascination can mount & create its own momentum which can become fun
I’m really happy to hear that it’s been getting easier for you!
no apology needed! I’m really glad we have a discussion space where you’re able to talk through your feelings and process like you did here. It’s also a good sign that even though you felt very angry, you saw how it was your reaction (“there is still anger … even though he has not hurt me”) and you were able to let the feelings subside without suppressing them. If there were actualism reward points you would get some 
.
I also thought it might be good for me to explain more where I am coming from with the comments on the translation, so you can “appreciate” my position more (this is an interesting thing in English, “appreciate” can also mean “to fully understand” – I wonder if the new Farsi word you found can have a similar meaning?).
Now it is very possible you already translated everything perfectly, and not a single word needs to be changed. But it’s also possible that there are either mistakes, or if not mistakes, things that can be done better. And this isn’t because you are “Leila” who “makes mistakes” It’s something that’s true with anything people do. Things can generally always be improved, and it’s rare that the first or second or third version is the best version.
Even Richard and Vineeto are not immune from mistakes. I frequently have e-mailed Vineeto with mistakes I saw on the AFT site, and she corrected them. We recently found some wording on the home page that could be improved, and Srinath e-mailed Vineeto and they changed it very quickly. And even ‘big’ mistakes – around 2012/2013 or so, they literally went through every instance of using the word “pure intent” on the entire website and changed some of them to “sincere intent” or “naive intent”, to be more accurate.
Also it took me like more than 5 years to realize, over and over, that the actualism method really is just enjoying and appreciating being alive, by feeling good as much as possible. So I know how hard it can be to really understand the method and the writings fully, from my own experience.
So when I’m pointing out possible issues with translation, I’m coming at it from this perspective ^, not from a “Leila in particular doesn’t know anything” perspective
And also I didn’t know I was right. I really can’t evaluate how good your translation is, because I don’t speak the language. It is clear that you put a lot of time into it and did your best – which is to be commended – but just because you put a lot of yourself into it… doesn’t mean it’s perfect! sorry but that’s just the way things work in the world hehe.
But you can probably see how you have an ‘identity’ around the translations, you feel attached to them, you get defensive if someone even suggests a problem with it. That is all normal, nothing to beat yourself up about – but you can probably see how it actually ends up preventing you from doing the best you can (like finding a better word for ‘appreciation’ than the one you already used).
So in any case I didn’t know there was any issue with the word… it’s just that, I saw that if you hadn’t really spent a lot of time thinking about the difference of these two words in English (gratitude, and appreciation) , that it’s possible you chose the Farsi word closer to “gratitude” rather than one closer to “appreciation” (if there even are these different words). It’s not guaranteed that you did… but it was a possibility. So that is why I suggested taking a closer look .
And also personally I don’t think there is anything ‘wrong’ with doing a translation, then improving it over time, as you learn more things or find better words etc. It can be an iterative process… doesn’t have to be ‘perfect’ from the start
Yes! Same with everyone here haha. Except the actually free. We prevent peace on earth, until we don’t… seeing this is a good motivation to continue!
Cheers,
Claudiu
Yes exactly! I was just thinking that ‘appreciate’ means something like ‘to recognize the value of’. That’s why it works for art too (appreciating art) and also appreciating a position or argument or situation etc. There’s a recognition in it. Etymologically in English it comes from Latin “to set a price to”, “ad-” to/toward and “pretium” price, as in the sense of using judgement to figure out the value of it so you can set a price to it. It looks like you found exactly the same word in Farsi
Yes it’s like you enjoy this moment of being alive… and you appreciate this moment of being alive… as in, recognizing that it is your only moment of being alive, and valuing this moment highly. I also find you can appreciate enjoying the moment of being alive too Like I can recognize that I am enjoying being alive, and valuing that enjoyment of being alive. Interestingly, the enjoyment itself of being alive, is the way that I appreciate the moment of being alive. The appreciation is done by the feeling of enjoyment !
So you appreciate the feeling of enjoyment ?
I can appreciate the feeling of enjoyment as well.
But what I was saying is that the feeling of enjoyment is the way that I appreciate this moment of being alive. The appreciation is done via the enjoyment. The “way” that I appreciate this moment of being alive… is by enjoying this moment of being alive! It goes hand in hand.
you can translate it… but please add a note to it that Claudiu wants it to be read with this understanding: “Please note this was written by a feeling-being who has not become actually free yet, and the most reliable reports, explanations, descriptions, advice, etc. for becoming free are to be found on the Actual Freedom Trust website: http://actualfreedom.com.au/ .”
Good! 
