Leila's journal

[leila]

Just a reminder for myself …

@Vineeto

It’s helpful to remember that ‘I’ am a lost, lonely, frightened and very, very cunning entity and will invent and engender any trick to prevent one diminishing the scope of ‘my’ dominion. For ‘Vineeto’ it became more and more like a fascinating puzzle or mystery-solving game to discover and dismantle ‘her’ tricks, lies and furphies, which were preventing ‘her’ from feeling (unconditionally) good. Like a chess-game of intelligence vs. human nature.

Vineeto : “Can you see that the deciding factor between analysing your past and seeing the fact now is that you have the choice, right now, to actually change – not because you are forced to for moralistic reasons but because you are intelligent and have a benign and benevolent aim in life?”

Vineeto : After you understand that the whole actualism process is about diminishing the ‘self’ – both ‘I’ and ‘me’, controller and soul, good and bad feelings – and that enjoyment and appreciation is the successful way to do that, then you can more easily recognize (and decline) where and why ‘I’ cunningly step in to sabotage the endeavour. Then complaints such as “the actualism method is too hard” or “I can’t do this” are part of the same attempted sabotage and can be explored intelligently.

@Vineeto

(…) what you need is the sincere intent, an obsession if you like, to do whatever is necessary to get back to being as felicitous and innocuous as possible – both for your own benefit and that of your fellow human beings.

@Vineeto

simply being attentive to one’s thoughts and feelings (à la buddhistic attentiveness) is not the actualism method –

@Vineeto

That event might well be an indicator that you are not at the point where taking “a holiday from ‘doing’” is a path to take but rather that your imaginary map to actual freedom is giving you the wrong coordinates. This “getting stressed over” such a minor occurrence like a slow phone transfer is clearly a “warning buzzer”, a “flashing red light” that one has gone astray and that it’s time to take out the instruction manual (Richard, This Moment of Being Alive) to look up exactly what is amiss or where one has missed a vital ingredient.

@Vineeto

• [Respondent № 27]: Also specifically which emotions are advantageous to ‘not express’?
• [Richard]: All and any emotion … what I would oft-times say to people twenty one years ago, when I first put this into practice, was that emotions are life’s way of reminding oneself that one has gone astray (that one has wandered off the wide and wondrous path to an actual freedom from the human condition).
An emotion is like a warning buzzer … or a flashing red light. [emphasis added]. (Richard, AF List, No. 27a, 24 Jan 2002).

@Vineeto

This particular quote is included because it depicts the identity inhabiting this flesh-and-blood body all those years ago uncritically declaring how it was via the emotions (i.e., per favour the affections generally) – and not cognition (i.e., not per favour being cognitively attentive) – that it became noticeable ‘he’ had gone astray. (Richard, List D, Claudiu4, 3 Feb 2016)

@Vineeto

• [Respondent № 04]: [Okay, then why is it important to ascertain causation and the succession?] Does it help to see the silliness?
• [Richard]: (…)
The name of the game is to habituate an affective imitation of the actual each moment/ each place again – to consistently feel as happy and harmless (free of both malice and sorrow and, thus, their antidotal pacifiers love and compassion) as is humanly possible whilst remaining a ‘self’ – so as to enable the already always existing peace-on-earth to be apparent sooner rather than later … therefore whenever/ wherever there is the slightest diminution of that felicity/ innocuity it speaks for itself that some event, which has been constantly granted the power such as to customarily render that peace and harmony short-lived, has been permitted, via a lifetime of continuous/ routine ignoration, to wreak its havoc once again. [emphasis added]. (Richard, AF List, No. 4a, 31 Jul 2005).

important :

@Vineeto

therefore whenever/ wherever there is the slightest diminution of that felicity/ innocuity it speaks for itself that some event, which has been constantly granted the power such as to customarily render that peace and harmony short-lived, has been permitted, via a lifetime of continuous/ routine ignoration, to wreak its havoc once again. [emphasis added]. (Richard, AF List, No. 4a, 31 Jul 2005).

@Vineeto

If what you describe is what counts for looking at the causation of getting upset about “a phone transfer to go south” then this clearly has not worked and will not work to prevent it from happening again and again.

@Vineeto

Your explanation is attributing causation of this event onto your mother, your childhood experience and habituation since having been a toddler, and this does more to justify and cement your reaction rather than uproot it. Also, “dissolving the whole thing” in one go is a typical all-or-nothing approach and certainly not the only option.

@Vineeto

Whereas when you look at the event itself it is very simple – there was an expectation and a strong desire to have it happen quickly and smoothly (because you had probably already planned out the follow-up events) – and when things didn’t go your way you got “stressed”, perhaps even angry, and, as you say, you had this MO since forever.

Seeing the fact very clearly how destructive this MO is not only to your mood but for everyone else around you, there is no sensible reason at all to react in the same way again, ever. All it needs is seeing the fact and the sincere intent to be felicitous and innocuous and then put some such events which are not in your control genuinely on the preference basis.

@Vineeto

Can you see that the deciding factor between analysing your past and seeing the fact now is that you have the choice, right now, to actually change – not because you are forced to for moralistic reasons but because you are intelligent and have a benign and benevolent aim in life? This intelligence with benign and benevolent intent means (according to the actualism method) you proceed by getting into the habit of affectively monitoring your mood and therefore detect finer and finer diminution and therefore catch the habitual “stressing” before it has time to grow into a large event

@Vineeto

Richard: As to how simple, easy and thus effortless this way of living/ this course of action is, when sincerely put into practice. it may be handy to also anecdotally reference how the identity inhabiting this flesh-and-blood body all those years ago took the first step, on what has become known as the wide and wondrous path to an actual freedom from the human condition,
(…)
For what ‘he’ had twigged to, in the beginning stages of their joint venture (and particularly exemplified by ‘his’ wife’s predilection for venting over voicing), was how it was far, far easier and simpler to stay in a good mood come-what-may – preferably a happy mood of course – than claw ‘his’ way back up to feeling good, again and again, after having habitually reverted to type.
Hence being (affectively) aware, each moment again, of more and more subtle variations in the quality of one’s moment-to-moment enjoyment and appreciation of being alive/ of being here so as to earlier and earlier pre-empt any potential reversion to type.
Also, repeated experience had shown ‘him’ that minor dips in that quality presaged each major diminution – indeed miniscule blips soon became evident even earlier than those minor dips as ‘his’ ability to (affectively) detect subtle variations in the affective tone of mood and temperament became evermore fine-tuned – and the earlier such habituated silliness could be (affectively) discerned the sooner ‘he’ could thus nip these instinctual potentialities in the bud. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, List D, Claudiu4, 3 Feb 2016).

@Vineeto

can you see how daring (to change) comes from caring? “Giving grace” is rather an ominous choice of words as it includes “showing compassion, extending leniency, offering forgiveness”, whereas when one doesn’t take offence then there is nothing to forgive or offer leniency. I am sure you will be working out those pitfalls in due course – the simple awareness to not blame oneself and/or the other for being a feeling being makes such perfect sense that to “give grace” would not be required once the habit of blaming is eradicated.

@Vineeto

being vitally interested in becoming actually free from the human condition is a necessary ingredient for success.Any lukewarm dabbling in actualism will only result in a lukewarm outcome.

@Vineeto

Your description reads as if “an affective awareness up-and-running” did not yet include “participation”. Just to head a possible misunderstanding at the pass, the actualist affective awareness, which Richard emphasises wherever he explains the actualism method, is far more than sitting on the sidelines watching one’s thoughts and emotions go by – the affective awareness is employed for the sole purpose of taking action whenever one’s mood dips below feeling good and needs attention. I posted something on this very topic a few days ago (Kuba14, 4 June 2026).recognize (and decline)recognize (and decline)

@leila

• recognize (and decline)
  via the emotions you had gone astray (flashing red flash)
  via a lifetime of continuous/ routine ignoration,
  the sincere intent = do whatever is necessary to get back to being as felicitous and innocuous as possible – both for your own benefit and that of your fellow human beings.

for looking at the causation of getting upset , i do this : by attributing causation of an event onto my mother, my childhood experience and habituation since having been a toddler ! and by doing this I justify and cement my reaction rather than uprooting it.