Kub933's Journal

Journals
1204

Kuba: This morning I became fascinated by the fact that ‘I’ cannot possibly be in charge of life. This self imposed burden is actually in contradiction with the facts. I remembered Richard writing in his journal of the gardening work he did whilst being lived by pure intent, how that which required attention could not be ignored, how the next part would present itself naturally, no need for any ‘grand plan’.
It is funny because one of the greatest objections ‘I’ had towards the universe was that no matter how hard ‘I’ tried to be in charge, to make things happen according to the ‘grand plan’, it was to no use. How much anxiety and stress ‘I’ lived trying to force ‘myself’ onto the universe and failing each time.
What ‘I’ didn’t see was that ‘my’ greatest objection is also the direction towards ‘my’ release. The facts of life as it actually happens make it impossible for ‘me’ to ever be in charge. And what a wonderful thing that is! Because it means that whatever burden ‘I’ impose upon ‘myself’ is not required, it was never required. And even if ‘I’ wanted to play that game (which ‘I’ did) ‘I’ could only pretend. Experiencing this utter freedom, of life already always living itself I once again had tears of appreciation running, seeing that this is here for everybody.

Hi @Kuba,

This is music to my ears.

It is fascinating to see how you and Claudiu come to very similar conclusions simultaneously. It is indeed “impossible for ‘me’ to ever be in charge” – which had been the very insight which allowed you to start on this line of inquiry and decide to get out from under control. And once I see that ‘I’ cannot possibly be in charge there is barely any justification left for ‘me’ to stay in existence – being in charge and carrying the burden of that responsibility is ‘my’ very raison d’être. As you rightly conclude, “you are here to enjoy and appreciate only”.

Kuba: I saw it as if the universe, in giving birth to this body has handed out an invitation to paradise. The invitation reads “everything is already in place, you are here to enjoy and appreciate only”.

What a wonderful new and naïve way of phrasing it – life is “an invitation to paradise”. I like it. It is indeed your birthright and your destiny both.

Kuba: It is a funny one though because I notice that the very language of ‘humanity’, the whole thrust of it all is a battle of ‘self’ against the universe, ‘I’/‘we’ have been straining for eons to battle against these facts of life. Sometimes I struggle to talk with others when every word is laden with these meanings e.g. “where do you see yourself in 5 years”, “who are you”, “what are your plans for the future”, “what do you believe in” etc. It might as well be a foreign language at times lol.

Yes, human language is entirely created and developed by feeling beings with a past, present and future as a straight line to go from A to B to C until death. It makes you aware of the aeons of human socialisation which you are about to leave behind.
Therefore Richard put so much care and consideration to find accurate, non-affective words and definitions for his experiential reports in ‘Terra Actualis’ and for feeling-beings to nevertheless understand what he is explaining to them (Abditorium, Index). Re-reading posts from earlier mailing lists I am constantly amazed how meticulously, and repeatedly, he explains the difference of real-world perception/affective interpretation and the descriptions of his own ongoing experience in the actual-world.

Kuba: So it has been a complete turn around for me since the days of the rift thread, of being in favour of ‘new school actualism’. I can see how very important it is for individuals to go completely beyond any shred of that illusion. To maintain ‘humanity’ in any degree is to perpetuate that fever dream in one’s fellow human beings. There are only facts and then there is illusion/delusion, why perpetuate the latter?
I realise there is only 1 person currently alive that exists as a genuinely safe target for others to aim for, 1 person able to speak securely to others completely outside of any illusion, with no shred of it left, and thus unable to perpetuate it in others.

I much appreciate your deep understanding of this fact that “to maintain ‘humanity’ in any degree is to perpetuate that fever dream in one’s fellow human beings”. It is vital for perfection and purity to be accessible for everybody. Yes, presently there is only one person fully free but I am informed that others are well on their way. Moreover –

[Richard]: The words and writings of both an actual and a virtual freedom from the human condition – be they spoken, printed or in pixels are now stored away in brain cells, on bookshelves and hard drives/ tapes/ CD’s/ DVD’s all around the globe. (link)

Kuba: I have so much appreciation for you @Vineeto, that this is what you are, it activates the desire in me to do what I can towards enabling peace on earth and a life in full meaning for all. What a ridiculously high standard and yet this is what I always wanted. Now this is something that I can do.

I deeply appreciate your appreciation. It is a pleasure and delight to write on this forum with so many engaged actualists, quite a few on the cusp of slipping into the actual world at any moment.

I also deeply appreciate and welcome your “ridiculously high standard” – this evolution in human consciousness requires pioneers who aim for the best, if not ‘bester’, and we are not alone in this enterprise.

[Richard]: ‘I’ am not alone in this endeavour because ‘I’ can tap into the purity and perfection of the infinitude of this physical universe with a pure intent … (link)

Cheers and best regards Vineeto

PS: If I remember correctly the last concern regarding the ending of ‘you’ was that it is unknown and as such an unknown step. If you look at that again, this is not quite accurate – you know the actual world experientially from your PCEs and you may well remember that during a PCE you knew that you have always been here. This was/is the same experience for me when I became actually free – I have always been here, at the time the whole of my 47 years. :slight_smile:

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1205

Haha yes I have noticed the same thing a few times now. I didn’t initially see this one when I read @claudiu’s recent post but both our discoveries point in the same direction - ‘me’ being in charge / trying to ‘be’ perfect is a burden that is impossible to ever successfully carry out, what is more is that ‘I’ am this very burden. ‘I’ can never succeed in this burden, rather ‘I’ release ‘myself’ from ‘being’ this very burden, seeing that it was never required.

Yes this is exactly what I was trying to get at, I find it takes a bit of adjusting to be able to interact with others when at times it is as if we are speaking a different language. I wonder if this is a skill that one polishes as an actually free person, accounting for identities when speaking with identity encumbered bodies?
This “paying lip service” is more difficult whilst in virtual freedom as ‘I’ am still in some ways stirred by this ‘real world language’, it is like ‘I’ am in-between reality and actuality and can kind of speak both languages, but neither is fluent :laughing:

Yes and this is also what I can see, as identity is calenture it is not that there is anything of substance to be eliminated. It is as if one is possessed by a madness and then finally one comes to one’s senses to find that one has always been here.

However as ‘I’ am that very madness ‘I’ have to be willing to disappear in ‘my’ entirety. This is so that this body is freed from being as if a marrionette to the dictactes of ‘my’ illusions.

This is why it is correct to say that life happens of its own accord AND at the same time that ‘I’ am in control of this body.

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1206

And indeed this body is possessed by a madness that is ‘me’. Only yesterday @Sonyaxx mentioned how her work colleague was stuck on a train as someone threw themselves under it. The person survived but it made me consider exactly this, that the actually innocent flesh and blood body was launched under a train by this madness, by ‘me’.

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1207

This is also a weird one because on one hand I remember very clearly that during a PCE I see that I have always been here, that ‘I’ only imagined that ‘I’ existed and that what I have been all along, underneath all the illusion is this very body.

And yet the ‘I’ that has to self-immolate could use this as a way of bailing out from total extinction? That ‘I’ could try to take ‘myself’ into actuality. It’s funny really ‘I’ have to truly die and yet once ‘I’ die I can see that I was this body all along, and even before ‘my’ total extinction ‘I’ can see/remember this.

Am ‘I’ able to give ‘myself’ up even though ‘I’ know that on the other side there is such security, it seems like it would not be a true sacrifice? Perhaps I still believe that it must be a drama, that it must be somehow ultimately costly.

I remember years ago my brother saying that the way you judge a ‘good person’ is how much they are willing to suffer to benefit others, it’s like I am smuggling this into my contemplations around self immolation.

But seeing it from this new angle there is no drawback at all, that would mean it is extremely easy.

It’s like if I have been driving this low spec, broken down car my whole life, and now there is the offer to trade it in for a brand new, high spec one with no extra cash to be paid.
I have to sacrifice the old car and yet what I am giving it up for is better in every way, there is really no drawback.

Which reminds me of what Srinath wrote in his report of becoming actually free :

Furthermore I realised that what was coming was going to replace me. This new consciousness – of a piece with the body, would do the job of looking after this body and of caring for all, in a way that I could never manage because I was just too self-involved. I experienced for the first time that I was at cross-purposes to this body and was doing it no favours. I had to graciously bow out like a clumsy, incompetent old fool who had bumbled through life just about holding on to his job out of dumb luck. He realised that he had to hand over the reins to super-smart and infinitely better qualified young man.

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1208

[Richard]: The act of initiating this ‘process’ is altruism, pure and simple. (Richard, The Actual Freedom List, No. 60, 3 Dec 2003).
Also you may want to check out what I wrote to JesusCarlos recently - (link)
Cheers Vineeto

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1209

Vineeto: Yes, human language is entirely created and developed by feeling beings with a past, present and future as a straight line to go from A to B to C until death.

Kuba: Yes this is exactly what I was trying to get at, I find it takes a bit of adjusting to be able to interact with others when at times it is as if we are speaking a different language. I wonder if this is a skill that one polishes as an actually free person, accounting for identities when speaking with identity encumbered bodies?
This “paying lip service” is more difficult whilst in virtual freedom as ‘I’ am still in some ways stirred by this ‘real world language’, it is like ‘I’ am in-between reality and actuality and can kind of speak both languages, but neither is fluent. :laughing:

Hi @Kuba,

You wonder if “speaking a different language” is a skill one polishes as an actually free person. In a way yes. When I read Richard’s correspondence I can see how by accurately conveying how he is experiencing himself he is honing his skills to report and describes as clearly as possible to his correspondents how he is experiencing himself as what he actually is. As it is a direct ongoing experience and unmediated by self-image, ethical or moral constraints, imagination and many other ‘self’-inflicted distortions, the description arises from the very experience itself. What can be, and is polished, is a larger variety of word choices, sentence structures, qualifiers to pre-empt misunderstanding and so on.

In normal life conversations (not on a specifically topical mailing list) I find there is a fair amount of ‘lip-service’ but I still stick to facts as much as possible when someone asks me for instance how I am today. In longer meetings I often am happy to take the part of listener and let the prevailing intimate atmosphere do the rest. It is often astounding how intimate some shorter or longer conversations can become when the other person is perceptive of/sensitive to the vibe-free and friendly milieu.

Only yesterday morning when visiting the workshop of the person fixing my air conditioner, we ended up having a conversation for about an hour where I had asked them about their medical troubles, which they had mentioned in passing the day before. They regaled me with their medical and practical odyssey which I found very interesting and informative and we both enjoyed each other’s company because of the intimacy which ensued from the absence of psychic vibes (on my part), the undivided attention and mutual interest.

I don’t think you need to be much concerned, Kuba, as it will be sincerity and naiveté which determine what you say, and only if you would want to present an image of what you are not, you could get tangled up in ‘language problems’.

Cheers Vineeto

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1210

Hi @Kuba,

The reason I answered in my last response (link) as I did was because of what you wrote regarding “that ‘I’ could try to take ‘myself’ into actuality.”

Kuba: And yet the ‘I’ that has to self-immolate could use this as a way of bailing out from total extinction? That ‘I’ could try to take ‘myself’ into actuality. It’s funny really ‘I’ have to truly die and yet once ‘I’ die I can see that I was this body all along, and even before ‘my’ total extinction ‘I’ can see/remember this.
Am ‘I’ able to give ‘myself’ up even though ‘I’ know that on the other side there is such security, it seems like it would not be a true sacrifice? Perhaps I still believe that it must be a drama, that it must be somehow ultimately costly.
I remember years ago my brother saying that the way you judge a ‘good person’ is how much they are willing to suffer to benefit others, it’s like I am smuggling this into my contemplations around self immolation.
But seeing it from this new angle there is no drawback at all, that would mean it is extremely easy.

When you start with “that ‘I’ could try to take ‘myself’ into actuality” it seems insurmountable because the instinct for self-preservation it too strong. You may have the best rational reasons and the best intentions but that is not enough. That’s where pure intent needs to guide you to consider something outside of ‘yourself’ in order to initiate the process for self-immolation. Viz.:

Richard: “There is an intrinsic trait common to all sentient beings: self-sacrifice. It manifests in humans in the way that ‘I’ will passionately defend ‘myself’ and ‘my group’ to the death if it is deemed necessary. All of ‘my’ instincts – the instinctive drive for biological survival – come to the fore when psychologically and psychically threatened, for ‘I’ am confused about ‘my’ presence, confounding ‘my’ survival and the body’s survival. Nevertheless, ‘my’ survival being paramount could not be further from the truth, for ‘I’ need play no part any more in perpetuating physical existence (which is the primal purpose of the instinctual animal ‘self’). ‘I’ am no longer necessary at all. In fact, ‘I’ am nowadays a hindrance. With all of ‘my’ beliefs, values, creeds, ethics and other doctrinaire disabilities, ‘I’ am a menace to the body. ‘I’ am ready to die (to allow the body to be killed) for a cause and ‘I’ will willingly sacrifice physical existence for a ‘Noble Ideal’ … and reap ‘my’ post-mortem reward: immortality.
This is called altruism … albeit misplaced.”

Richard: “The word altruism can be used in two distinctly different ways—in a virtuous sense (as in being an unselfish and/or selfless ‘self’) or in a zoological and/or biological sense (as in being diametrically opposite to selfism)—and it is the latter which is of particular interest to a person wanting to enable the already always existing peace-on-earth, in this lifetime as this flesh and blood body, as it takes a powerful instinctive impulse (altruism) to overcome a powerful instinctive impulse (selfism)—blind nature endows each and every human being with the selfish instinct for individual survival and the clannish instinct for group survival (be it the familial group, the tribal group, or the national group). By and large the instinct for survival of the group is the more powerful—as is epitomised in the honey-bee (when it stings to protect and/or defend the hive it dies)—and it is the utilisation of this once-in-a-lifetime gregarian action which is referred to in my oft-repeated ‘an altruistic ‘self’-sacrifice and/or ‘self’-immolation, in toto, for the benefit of this body and that body and every body.” (Altruism)

In other words, ‘you’ dare to care, ‘you’ care so much that ‘you’ are willing to give up willingly and irremunerably what ‘you’ consider ‘your’ most precious by making the most noble sacrifice that ‘you’ can make.

As you can see this has nothing at all to do with your brother’s belief that to be a ‘good person’ one has to be “willing to suffer to benefit others” – that would be the real-world virtue of unselfishness.

There is no suffering involved in self-immolation, it is the most wonderful experience when it happens, and by doing so you relieve yourself (your actual body) and your fellow humans from the burden of ‘your’ own ‘rottenness’, i.e., the burden of ‘your’ demands, dominance or subordination, jealousy, all psychic vibes and any potential future malice and sorrow.

Cheers Vineeto

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1211

Thank you @Vineeto this is all becoming clearer, and things are getting more and more wonderful. I am certain that I am going to do it.

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