Yea! Richard found a new word for this recently: mirific / mirificient / mirificience
Nice! Although it probably won’t assist with the below kinds of situations when I also start throwing words like mirificient about 
Looking a bit more at this fear of being an alien I can see that for most part it does not matter. We are past the days where someone will call the police on me or burn me at the stake for being a little odd. I can see that for most part people can just have me down as that “kinda nice guy who keeps looking out the window and talking about mirificience” In fact most people who know me already see me as a little odd in certain ways and it’s absolutely fine.
I can see there are 2 aspects though which I am still hung up on. 1 is work, especially my weekend work, I am there to work under a certain image, I am meant to be the sexy naked butler, will I forget about or fail to carry out this role sufficiently when I am too busy with the wonder at being here. Also customer service work, will I blurt out to someone that it doesn’t matter that their mattress is not here yet, life is not a serious business after-all! Will I fail to indulge a certain level of seriousness that they crave when something has gone wrong.
2 is my BJJ training, without seriousness will I be more concerned with enjoying and appreciating rather than grinding and being seen as the best, and with this my reputation will slowly decline. And this brings me to the nature of the hang ups. Essentially I am still wanting to be valued in that ‘orthodox mode’, of course no-one can value something they do not understand/experience so they are left with boxing it into ‘weird’ and kind of putting it to the side.
So there is no genuine danger in proceeding, the ‘danger’ to me is not being held in high esteem by people who cannot understand my experience. Ending up “Nice, but kinda odd and a bit of a looser”.
Funnily enough I would probably get those description already haha, maybe sans the looser part, I am still invested in avoiding that one.
I think these concerns are mostly resolved with consideration for others involved - it’s true that usually just telling a customer that it doesn’t matter that their mattress hasn’t arrived won’t help the situation. With an awareness of them and where they’re at, you can act in a way that is most likely to give results (as far as you can tell). Where previously you have acted according to th rules of engagement, with ever-greater enjoyment you can transition to actual caring in which you are genuinely interested in their welfare.
Probably no surprise that you’ll find better results with actual caring than in just following the pre-set lip service rules.
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I find myself drawn to appreciation almost all the time now, it began with appreciating Richard and since has expanded into appreciating this universe, this body and my fellow human beings. It’s almost on constantly now, I find that there is so much that is precious all around. I am still not sure what is required for this to carry all the way through to actual freedom but I am determined to find out. For now I am focused on cranking this up as much as is humanly possible.
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Re-reading one of Richard’s latest articles had a profound effect on me, it was the one about human beings coming already equipped to actualise their destiny. I realised how precious each human being is simply by virtue of existing, what a wonderful achievement it is to even exist in the first place and to be making one’s way through the world.
I see it now whenever I observe my fellow human beings, that potential that Vinneto mentioned, it is clear how it operates even in those who are still squarely trapped within the human condition, those who are not even aware that the third alternative exists, and yet this potential is right there, it is displayed through their kindness, and how impressive it is that this potential still finds a way to be activated.
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I am daring to consider arriving at a place, whilst still a feeling being, where there is virtually only enjoyment and appreciation left, this seems to be the place for take off towards an actual freedom.
I find it interesting what Vineeto wrote about allowing appreciation and how this can melt away some of the last barriers that ‘I’ have. This is exactly what has been happening, it’s like before ‘I’ was dearly holding onto the last few aspects of ‘my’ identity, the last couple of dramas that were keeping ‘me’ glued to ‘humanity’.
Allowing appreciation into those last dramas is indeed melting them away but the fascinating thing is that without those last dramas there is only enjoyment and appreciation left. It’s pretty bizarre that this is possible, that ‘I’ can arrive at a place where whichever way ‘I’ look there is virtually only enjoyment and appreciation left. Where it’s no longer possible to even come up with reasons as to why life on earth is some kind of a sick joke apparently, sorrow and malice can no longer be sustained.
A week ago I had an experience of this, a glimpse of what life is like when there is no longer any aspect of the ‘who’ left, where I am only a what, and therefore I am no longer separated from the perfection and purity by anything that is ‘human’. Then whichever way I look there is only perfection, it’s not so much an escape from the human condition, the human condition itself is eradicated and one lives the fact that there is only perfection.
But the fascinating thing is, and I always doubted this, is that ‘I’ can arrive at this virtual freedom where although ‘I’ am still in existence, ‘I’ cannot help but enjoy and appreciate, there is just nothing else left to do, every other distraction has been seen for what it is. This seems like the place for ‘take off’ because if there is only perfection and purity left, if there is only enjoyment and appreciation to be done, then what am ‘I’ still hanging about for?
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Very interesting! If you have indeed dealt with the last dramas that tie you to humanity, ‘you’ might not be hanging around for long! What you describe sounds like the last days of ‘Vineeto’.
I thought I was there once, for a few weeks in 2021, but it turned out I was still placing a few conditions on life that came back to bite me hard and taught me that a seemingly virtually free ‘me’ is still a complete ‘me’ that can come roaring back to life.(a valuable lesson in itself).
Why say this to you now? Not to be a downer, but rather, if you find yourself in a place so good it doesn’t seem to matter if you go the final yards… it does 
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So just to be clear the dramas have not been eradicated yet but there is movement on this front, whereas before they seemed to be locked in place and would not budge. And there is movement because I am daring to allow appreciation to permeate into every aspect of ‘my’ life. As in no longer being content to place any conditions, or play that game at all.
As Vineeto wrote it is kind of overwhelming at times, because those last boundaries are so dear to ‘me’ and allowing appreciation to be poured over them is dissolving them. If I do allow it though there is something very magical that happens, there is something so precious there.
For some reason this post of Geoffrey’s has been popping up into my mind :
RICHARD:I am full of admiration for the ‘me’ that dared to do such a thing. I owe all that I experience now to ‘me’. I salute ‘my’ audacity.
Who is that ‘me’, if not humanity?
‘I’ am humanity. And as such, ‘my’ destiny can be achieved.
“Pleasant and wholesome” could become a refuge, a hiding place, for an individual ‘I’, a special ‘I’, fortified in dissociation from the dark soil of humanity by its acquired ‘actualist identity’.
If one is to be humanity, then nothing of humanity shall be foreign to one.
“The psyche is a frightful place” indeed.
What is it that Richard admires about ‘me’? Daring, and audacity.
There is something so admirable in this whole state of affairs that we find ourselves in. I guess this is the potential that Vineeto wrote about. This potential is already in ‘me’ and also in ‘humanity’.
Just to be clear there is nothing admirable about the wars and the rapes and the suicides, it is this potential which is precious and what is admirable is that it finds a way to be activated even as ‘me’.
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Sounds brilliant. Nothing to say but
It is so lovely when these things come together, Richard’s article has been on my mind a lot - Marvelling At How Well-Equipped Human Beings Are.
and now looking at Geoffrey’s post it makes sense :
RICHARD:I am full of admiration for the ‘me’ that dared to do such a thing. I owe all that I experience now to ‘me’. I salute ‘my’ audacity.
Who is that ‘me’, if not humanity?
‘I’ am humanity. And as such, ‘my’ destiny can be achieved.
“Pleasant and wholesome” could become a refuge, a hiding place, for an individual ‘I’, a special ‘I’, fortified in dissociation from the dark soil of humanity by its acquired ‘actualist identity’.
If one is to be humanity, then nothing of humanity shall be foreign to one.
“The psyche is a frightful place” indeed.
What is it that Richard admires about ‘me’? Daring, and audacity.
In short both ‘me’ and ‘humanity’ are equipped to actualise our birthright and destiny. But this will not be done by an individual ‘I’, a special ‘I’, fortified in dissociation from the dark soil of humanity by its acquired ‘actualist identity’.
‘I’ am ‘humanity’ and as such ‘my’ destiny can be achieved.
So… guess what this post is going to be about? More appreciation!
It’s really fun inserting appreciation into ‘my’ dramas and then seeing what becomes of them.
This thing that clicked now makes me think back to that typical science vs religion thing where apparently without God the universe is an empty place, that if you reduce the universe to physical phenomena only, it makes it somewhat less interesting or less meaningful.
But actually it’s the other way around, it is inserting this story of a god who made the earth in 7 days etc that is less interesting. If one considers the mind blowing complexity and the immaculate simplicity that exemplifies the workings of this universe, this makes the ‘god story’ pale in comparison. The metaphysical explanation actually robs one from being able to fully appreciate the wondrous workings of this universe.
And I notice ‘I’ am equally robbing enjoyment and appreciation by inserting ‘myself’ into each situation. ‘I’ arrogate responsibility and in the process ‘I’ obscure the wondrous workings of life. I notice this when ‘I’ want to know how a situation will play out before it happens, ‘I’ want to know the solution without having first encountered the problem. It is probably some security seeking aspect of the instinctual programme but the outcome is a lack of actual involvement and hence a lack of fulfilment.
This is somewhat alluded to when people say “it is not about the destination but the journey” what they are trying to get at is the fact that when ‘I’ am only concerned with placing another feather in ‘my’ cap, in order to grow ‘myself’ even larger and thus generate more ‘security’ then ‘I’ miss out on experiencing first hand the wondrous workings of life - and this is where fulfilment is to be found, in the actual living out of life which must by definition entail a full involvement - the solution cannot be known before the problem is tasted, this would indeed lead to an imperfect universe, an empty one, a boring one, and luckily we find ourselves in a perfect one.
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I find the below is the only means of ‘investigation’ which is ultimately required :
From Milito’s journal
Also I can say with the utmost confidence that I as ‘doer’ has been extinct since 2016. So I have not been ‘doing’ anything as such. I have been busy however BEING every single motha-effin’ feeling while simultaneously having the goal of living the PCE 24/7 for the rest of my life on my mind
This is such a powerful thing to do, not to think about one’s feelings, not even just feeling them, but ‘being’ those feelings. Because by fully ‘being’ those feelings there is no possibility to be anything but fully aware of every single aspect of the thing, this is full involvement, as far as ‘I’ can go as a feeling being. And this exquisite attention engendered by ‘being’ the feeling fully is enough to dissolve the thing over time.
The way I see it these days is like a hierarchy, initially one may only be able to intellectually approach the feeling, this is working from the greatest distance, then one begins allowing oneself to feel those feelings but there is still this split between the doer and the beer. Then one realises that one is those very feelings and experiences from there, this is the most direct and the most transformative level.
Most of the time these days when I find myself wanting to escape onto the lower rungs of that ladder, eg I find there is a pull towards intellectualisation (thinking about the feeling) or there is a drive to moralise the feelings (feeling the feelings) then I am wasting time, the thing to do which works most directly is to go ahead and ‘be’ that feeling, then this feeling is ‘me’ in operation, this is where the situation is ripe for change to take place.
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Also it’s crazy that when I talk about feelings these days I am talking about tiny blips, as opposed to huge mountains that I would experience in the past. It’s like if there was a scale from 0-10, those problematic feelings never even get above say 3 on that scale, whereas in the past they would readily roar into the top numbers. I guess this is partly why I find it easier to ‘be’ those feelings, because in the past I almost had to place a bit of a buffer, otherwise it felt like I would be overwhelmed, as in like faint or go crazy or something haha. Whereas now I can go ahead and ‘be’ whatever feeling fully, as they are experienced more like a nuisance getting in the way of perfection and purity rather than a monster I am running from.
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OK some more reasons why one may not be allowing oneself to ‘be’ ones feelings :
It seems there is an aspect related to maintaining control, as in the social identity wants to comment and shape these raw feelings into a story-line that is more palatable, or even a story line that ‘I’ am used to, in line with who ‘I’ am.
So for example allowing myself to ‘be’ a feeling of shame might go against the narrative that ‘I’ as social identity hold with regards to ‘my’ place in the group, an image which ‘I’ have been asserting all this time.
There is a fear that ‘I’ will find out something that ‘I’ simply cannot accept to be the case, yet this is ‘me’, so of course playing that game of deluding oneself is ultimately going to lead to hurt in one way or another. There has to be a willingness to invite change, because this new information will shift things in ways which simply do not align with the image ‘I’ have of ‘myself’ as a social identity.
There seems to be something like a radical sincerity required in order to ‘be’ one’s feelings, because then ‘I’ might as well throw any image of ‘myself’ out the window, it cannot be sustained in light of what is about to be unleashed haha. But this is a great thing actually, because one’s social identity will inevitably crumble at these experiences and one becomes more genuine.
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So lately I have had these experiences of briefly seeing others as flesh and blood bodies only. It happened the other day when I was looking at some pictures of my mum, it was quite astounding to realise that I have never actually seen her. Who I saw my whole life was a phantom of my own creation and now all of a sudden I saw a fellow human being, I saw her as she actually is, super fascinating!
The other one happened in person yesterday when I briefly saw Sonya in the same way, it was like this whole cloud of stuff which I was previously relating with disappeared and indeed there was simply a flesh and blood body in front of me.
These experiences have been weird though because they are not full blown PCEs, it seems ‘I’ am still there in some degree but somehow getting a glimpse of the actual state of affairs, or perhaps it is ‘me’ commenting on the experience from the position of abeyance.
Either way the fascinating thing is that when only flesh and blood bodies remain then also all of the dramas disappear, because all of the dramas related only to those phantoms which are no longer extant. I can see how some people could see this as ‘throwing the baby out with the bathwater’ because it is an extreme solution, it goes right to the core of the problem and eliminates the very ‘entities’ that cause the problems in the first place. Then with flesh and blood bodies left there is nothing left to fight about or get sorrowful about. Looking at Sonya and seeing a flesh and blood body only there is nothing that could possibly get hooked onto with regards to sorrow and malice.
But it is a weird experience, in a fascinating way, that indeed others are made of stuff only, skin, eyes, hair etc I guess you can’t get any clearer about this than “flesh and blood bodies” haha.
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Recently I have been re-reading a book which I started years ago but never finished, nevertheless it made a big impression on me back then, it’s - the better angels of our nature, by Steven Pinker.
The author first lays out the gruesome history of humanity, which in itself is a great reminder of why we are all doing this thing called actualism. But then he demonstrates that there has been a consistent trend away from brutality and towards human flourishing. It’s a big book so there is alot of different transition points but the whole time I am left thinking exactly what Richard always stated. That actual freedom is the next stage in humanity’s development.
It’s interesting because more than a few times in the book the author suggests that it is difficult to explain this trend towards the ease of suffering by specific or single causes, and yet it has been happening, almost as if guided by some ‘divine cause’.
Somehow against all these handicaps humanity has been progressively moving away from brutality and towards happiness, as Richard wrote - it is amazing what has been achieved despite the human folly.
What I am left wandering at, with amazement, is that actual freedom is indeed our destiny, it is what we are all here for. And in a sense it cannot be stopped, this potential that Vineeto wrote about recently is at core our essential character, it will find a way sooner or later.
My choice then is whether I do what I can to ensure the spread of peace and prosperity sooner rather than later, it is not if it will happen, it is when will it happen.
The other thing that leaves me with such appreciation is the understanding that all through the human history there have been individuals who did what they could to elevate humanity out of this brutality, even if just by a little bit.
It is obvious to us now that burning someone at the stake is pure madness and yet there had to be the individuals who were able to somehow peek outside of the orthodox way, of what was considered normal back then. And these were not little things to accomplish, they were pioneers just like we can now be pioneers - with regards to ending sorrow and malice once and for all.
The ground has been getting laid down all this time, we are standing on the shoulders of giants. What we are doing now is a continuation of the human endeavour to end suffering, a progression which has been working away all these thousands of years.
This potential which has been behind it all, is pure intent, and now this pure intent is squarely within the human consciousness. Contemplating all this leaves me with this ‘call to action’, it’s not so much that I have the obligation or responsibility but how could I not proceed in light of all the above?
Yesterday heading to one of my hen party gigs I was contemplating all this in a state of excellence and it was quite astounding, the ramifications. I could see that what ‘I’ am is the product of all this confusion and madness which has been bubbling away for centuries, and that whatever boundaries ‘I’ have which set ‘me’ apart are ultimately arbitrary. They are actually meaningless as there is no separation in actuality. I could see then that ‘me’ dissolving would be a simple case of being seen for the illusion that ‘I’ am. It seemed this could happen quite easily and quite suddenly. When I got to the hen party though I came out of excellence, some petty worry about the group thinking I am weird did it. But I am not disheartened at all because there is no reason I cannot get back on that horse again, it seems more and more accessible now.
In fact heading back from the hen party I experientially understood what Vineeto referred to in her email to @claudiu. That being ‘me’ is experienced as a burden, I felt this burden viscerally as soon as I found myself slowly gravitating back to reality. This burden does not belong to just the lone ‘I’ though, it is carried by all of mankind, this burden is ‘me’ just as much as it is ‘humanity’. There was a choice made then, that I am done with it, that I cannot accept going back there.
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This is something that I am finding in myself lately, to some degree of course as I’m not actually free (and there is some dispute as to Milito’s claim). But I have noticed that lately it’s as if my mind is becoming free to ‘do it’s thing’, and quite marvellously too.
It’s like ‘problems’ are now these areas where the mind can be directed towards and wondrously come up with novel solutions. It’s really quite amazing to experience this, and this is happening with things related to work and security, things that would usually be ridden with thick and gloomy emotions or many confusing beliefs clashing etc.
Whereas now it’s like the mind is this super cool gadget that has an absolute blast coming up with solutions to problems, and the whole thing is not experienced as a chore, it’s actually so much fun. Things only become ‘real problems’ when ‘I’ step into the picture and turn the fun game into a battle for survival.
There is so much else I want to write about, lately it’s like what Srinath described in a quote which I can’t find, but he wrote how prior to self immolation he would find ‘himself’ almost as if splitting into different personalities.
I find ‘myself’ as if 2 different people that take over during the day. At times ‘I’ am this ‘me’ that is bathed in excellence, ‘he’ is quite wafer thin and this is where all these cool things happen, like the mind doing it’s thing so effortlessly and with such gusto.
This can sometimes go on for hours (in varying intensity) and there are so many cool things to contemplate when in that state, wonder seems to be directed at anything and everything. This ‘me’ sees life as a wonderful activity in a magical universe, I guess naiveté is the word here.
For example I was playing Elden ring again the other day and I was almost blown away by what I was doing, how fun it was, what an adventure haha, writing it sounds kind of silly as I’m only playing a video game!
I was contemplating one of Geoffrey’s posts when in excellence yesterday, it was the ‘leathery armchairs’ post. And I got it, what he is referring to when he says :
For I had been exploring the unknown continent, its golden cities and living clouds, for weeks, without a word. When some letter found its way to me, its ink faded from the sea voyage, enquiring about matters so home-bound as to appear foreign
I got the extent of this, the magnitude of the distance between ‘reality’ and where Geoffrey is writing from, a distance so great that it cannot be breached. Of course these matters concerning ‘reality’ appear foreign, meaningless, how to even approach it, to grasp it, how to wrestle with something that is so impossibly distant and so completely meaningless?
But then there is this ‘grumpy old me’ that will take over for a few hours here and there, when there is something too dear to ‘my’ heart and the decision is made to go back into the old ways instead of remaining in excellence. It’s quite funny how from that position of the ‘grumpy old me’ everything is seen once more as a matter of life or death, living life is some kind of a chore, everything seems to take ‘effort’ and life in general is lacking this dynamic quality.
And how this can shift all of a sudden when the ‘naive me’ comes online again, now it’s like I am a kid in a playground, yet with adult sensibilities, it’s all just a fun game in a magnificent world, so effortless and so delightful.
I am finding that my recent advice regarding ‘being’ ones feelings as the only necessity for investigation is the thing that makes me go from ‘grumpy old me’ to the ‘naive me’. In fact focusing on this approach means I do not get caught up in that old dead end of ‘investigating’ for hours or days whilst actually just wasting time feeling bad.
So instead I notice I have been stuck in a rut, I decide to ‘be’ that feeling fully, before long it is seen how silly it is, and now I am back to excellence.
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Re-reading that post, the last sentence caught my attention, sending tingles through the body :
For I had been exploring the unknown continent, its golden cities and living clouds, for weeks, without a word. When some letter found its way to me, its ink faded from the sea voyage, enquiring about matters so home-bound as to appear foreign: a quarrel about definitions, from the Royal Society of leathery armchairs, asking for my judgment. My ruling.
Please differentiate! they ask. Please settle our quarrel!
We wish to classify, exactly, those birds we’ve never seen!
So the golden city and the living clouds laughed and danced and sang:
"Won’t they open the windows? Won’t they bathe in the stream?
Won’t they take off their clothes, and swim through the sea?"
Damn this hits hard! indeed this is all ‘I’ have to do, take off ‘my’ clothes and swim through the sea, this is ‘my’ dissolution.