This is really fascinating stuff, thanks for sharing! it’s exactly the kind of points that have been on my mind also. This problem of ‘pushing’ only solidifying ‘me’ further but then again sitting back and waiting for it all to happen by itself being the backseat approach.
So what is the third alternative here? It seems one needs to push forward but not in the normal terms this is understood in.
It somewhat reminds me of performing techniques in parkour or BJJ, where if ‘I’ try to desperately push the thing ‘I’ actually get in the way by getting all emotional about it. Yet it is not about ‘me’ doing absolutely nothing, as then ‘I’ am still halting the works but by adopting this new mantra of ‘not trying’.
I like the advice to get to excellence and then actively commit to remaining there indefinitely, so in this way ‘I’ am pushing ‘myself’ but not in the normal terms of getting all emotional. The ‘pushing’ is ‘my’ ongoing (and active) commitment to allowing perfection and purity.
I also like the last bit that Vinneto wrote and these have been my exact thoughts lately :
Become more and more friends with ‘me’ in that ‘I’ agree on more and more points that ‘I’ am indeed redundant to the stage where ‘I’ joyously acquiesce to lay down ‘my’ burden (it is indeed experienced as a burden) and fullfill ‘my’ deep-down yearning to finally go into oblivion.
When there is no objection left there is only joyous anticipation and no fear at all.
As I wrote :
I also find this aligns with what I have been considering today, about fully ‘being’ ones feelings (Kub933's Journal - #1076 by Kub933), allowing ‘myself’ to - “Become more and more friends with ‘me’ in that ‘I’ agree on more and more points that ‘I’ am indeed redundant to the stage where ‘I’ joyously acquiesce to lay down ‘my’ burden”.
Also this is probably just my own antics but I no longer see Vinneeto how I did in the past, it’s like this whole layer of projections I was placing on her have been removed.