OK so making headway with this one, it’s fascinating stuff. I was on holiday in France the past few days and something kept popping up time and time again. Also had a PCE and a long EE probably due to the holiday atmosphere, these helped to clarify things even further.
Somehow I began to see all the emotions, all the various interactions in light of the fundamental ‘human’ drama of ‘being a group member’. It clicked one day that virtually all that I deal with day to day comes directly from this, it’s an ancient and fundamental aspect of what it means to ‘be human’.
The long EE I had was a glimpse of what it would be like each moment again if I no longer identified as a ‘group member’, it was a glimpse of a life of freedom.
The PCE was a glimpse of what it is like when this archaic drama called the ‘human condition’ is completely out of the way, it’s only perfection.
The reason I wanted to write this is because I can see why I am on the look out for vibes, why I leave that window open, why it is apparently necessary. It is intricately linked with this aspect of ‘being a group member’. In the past, being a valued group member was a necessity for both survival and reproduction, this deeply imbedded habit of constantly feeling others out and then getting involved in all sorts of messy relationships was the way of life. It was a necessity for ‘me’ to fulfil ‘my’ instinctual imperative.
The stakes were high for sure, if I piss of my tribe and they decide to ostracise me I am as good as dead and with no access to females either. This is before I could just go get a new job or call the police or complain to the HR or go on tinder to find a new partner.
So there is this instinctual tendency to (constantly and in each situation) turn other human beings into ‘groups’, and from there to relate in light of this ancient drama with ‘me’ as the group member. Which is silly as none of these things apply anymore, it is an outdated way of living, although I do not see this fully yet. What I can see though is just how pervasive this aspect is and also how it relates to this need to feel others out at all times.