Haha or you could re-write this as - there was the fear that fear (aka ‘me’) will no longer remain in perfection. Then the following bit :
I’ll be like a frolicking lamb happily walking to become an easy brunch of wolves
Is seen for what it is, a clever excuse to remain ‘me’, to remain apparently necessary.
Ultimately, ‘I’ am obviously not that ultruistic thing which would jump, or all my lament would have already resulted in that.
Who knows? For someone who has been around so much death, I seem rather determined to ignore it’s immanence.
I would say it’s that naive thing which is missing for me; could the universe truly be benevolent?
So much so that it allows me to continue in misery, as it’s nature is already perfect, and there is nothing in my misery which is not otherwise perfect, in the grand scheme.
It’s perhaps something in the “rotten” core which much become truly greedy and selfish for more of that perfection.
One might say, “what it like nothing else”. 
This whole thing looks different when you consider that ‘you’ don’t actually exist. The universe cannot be benevolent to something that does not exist, just like it couldn’t be benevolent towards Santa Claus.
‘I’ continue ‘my’ own illusory existence and thus perpetuate ‘my’ misery - the universe is not doing any of that, it is ‘me’ believing that ‘I’ exist which does that.
Yet it happens anyway.
Misery goes on, and it’s actions are most definitely actual.
If not, then there would not be any question of ending it.
For something that “doesn’t exist” we sure cause a lot of shit.
For something that “doesn’t exist” we sure cause a lot of shit.
Yeah that’s the nature of a rotten illusion.
Rotten actions in the actual world are actually happening.
That’s my point.
Is it relevant that the cause supposedly “doesn’t exist”?
Seems rather confused to say that it “doesn’t exist” when it’s fruit is plain to see.
I wonder how many victims of war, murder, rape, abuse would care whether it exists or not?
Years ago, maybe twelve, I was briefly involved in an online forum called “brutal truth” or something like that.
It was a “zen” inspired “direct pointing” forum. To graduate one simply had to repeatedly respond to the injunction “You do not exist, Look!”
It took about two days of that, and I was in a “selfless” state. There was no “me”.
Of course, there was a “me”. Just one that was convinced that there wasn’t a “me”.
I swanned around in suitable smugness for about a day before it no longer mattered whether I existed or not; life had gone back to sucking very quickly.
Yes they are rotten actions done by an entity that has no actual existence, an illusion. It does not detract from the rottenness of what is going on to accept that ‘I’ am an illusion, if you really wanna go down that route it adds to it if anything! That all the suffering and mayhem is over a fictional entity.
Or perhaps it is you who is confused 
?
I do not see what is confusing about unnecessary/silly/damaging/atrocious etc actions arising from an illusion, especially an instinctually sourced and socially reinforced one, it is a powerful illusion and it has serious consequences on the well being of its hosts.
Well yeah but comparing this (fabricating a belief) to the direct seeing of the fact that ‘I’ do not actually exist (as is seen in a PCE) there is such a vast difference that those kinda techniques become a joke, as you mention lower down it is just self deception.
For any further reference to this dilemma I would recommend (or not 
) the infamous thread - Drawing the line between feeling and fact
Actually there is something interesting to flesh out here.
Because it seems that depending from where one is looking the answer is different.
So when looking from within ‘reality’ it seems that there are these 2 worlds (actual and real), they have different existential statuses but nevertheless they both genuinely exist in some way.
In fact when looking from the depths of ‘being’ it is ‘reality’ that starts to become the more genuinely existing dimension and the actual becomes a fantasy/idea etc.
Then one goes along and starts to come across the actual world which starts to be experienced more and more as an undeniable fact. But one is still ‘being’ so ‘reality’ still holds some genuine existential status it seems. So now it is like I have 2 worlds that apparently genuinely exist, they are just different dimensions and I can jump from one to the other
Then a PCE happens and it swings entirely the other way. Now from this current vantage point of the PCE it is seen with complete certainty that none of ‘reality’ had any genuine existence at all. It’s only existential status (if it could even be called that) is one of illusion, arising out of calenture. It is all a product of a confused/corrupted state of mind, but the fact remains that none of that stuff ever actually happened, ‘my’ story never actually took place - and what a relief it is to see that! That is why in a PCE the entire land of lament disappears, never to have existed in the first place, that is why it is the most incredible experience. Because it is not just that life is no longer wrong, it is seeing as a fact that life was never wrong to begin with, and neither could it ever be wrong (before one is inevitably plunged back into illusion )
All of the misery and suffering is happening to a fictional entity (which does not mean that the suffering is not real), and this can be seen with a complete confidence. In fact that is the very reason WHY it is possible to be free, specifically because none of that stuff is genuine.
If ‘reality’ was genuine then life on earth would indeed be a sick joke.
“ruthless truth”: was the forum.
I mean, what use is it to assert it?
Illusion? And?
That illusion, which is you, (not something you as Geoffrey says can be seperated with so many quote marks), but the very thinking feeling person you are has to die.
Die.
No amount of assertion that reality is an illusion (which has been tried for at least 5000 years) is going to convince you that you are the one who must sacrifice everything.
A question you dodged many months back, was what would you cut your arm off for?
If one can’t answer that, then is it even useful to discuss death? You, the one reading, according to Richard, must happily and willingly die.
Not an illusionary death. Or a virtual one. Or any other trick of words or rhetorical “gotcha” insights.
Everything that is precious to you, everything including you must die.
Yup, it’s ultimately all my trickery to remain “me” forever…the drama goes on lol
I just finished watching “Die Hard 2”.
The thing is that this is not something that is merely asserted, it is a fact and therefore it does not need to be asserted in order to be true, it is simply the way things actually are.
It seems you have a problem with accepting this fact, why? What is at loss if this was to be accepted?
Is it because all the suffering would have been for absolutely nothing?
Sorry for the hijack…Here is more 
I watched a 70 plus year old man I know shuffle half a step at a time in front of me across the carpark road last week.
A man that I have sat with in the President of Ghana’s neighbourhood drinking whiskey and hearing his story’s of the Balkan wars.
He, in his 60s had married a woman 40 years younger than him and fathered a child, built a property empire with her. Only to find out a handful of years back that he had been “cuckolded” and the son wasn’t his.
He didn’t recognise me as I watched him inch in front of my ute.
Everything will be taken away, eventually. No matter what one tries to be someone.
You younger peeps will indeed be true heroes in giving up your life. So much precious potential for everything that blind nature churns out; to willingly die with so much going for you?
It deserves a public holiday.
Lol ok I will reply this time, here is the kind of situation where I would think that cutting my arm off makes sense :
I am in a cave which is being rapidly filled by water, and somehow I managed to get my arm completely crushed by some rocks, there is no-one nearby to help, I happen to have a saw in my free hand. Although actually in practice I might just panic and end up drowning or cut off the arm and die of blood-loss before reaching the hospital.
As with the genie example recently though, there is no need to cut an arm off in order to self immolate so I definitely won’t be cutting it off for anything actualism related when it can be done without mutilation.
I have no problem in theory, but it is obvious, like you, I have a problem in practice.
It should indeed be easier for me, considering I have nothing to loose.
Perhaps it will turn out that way. Who knows?
My point isn’t that I have any issues with what is an illusion, my point is that death isn’t a “check mark” you will tick off.
Ah, thanks!
So, to save yourself, you would, in theory, cut if your arm. (which a guy actually did, I assume you are referring to that story).
You dodged it because you knew that, like me, you wouldn’t do it for anyone else.
That is the issue.
How to channel that absolute selfishness into the ultimate altruistic action?
Wow Andrew come on now you’re just making up a story, I don’t actually remember the question but if I saw it now I probably wouldn’t reply cos I wouldn’t take it as a serious question to begin with/ or one warranting a reply because it’s silly.
If anything it is demonstrating the utter self centredness of the identity, that rather than doing the sensible thing of allowing self-immolation, ‘I’ would rather start mutilating this body.
And using that as an attempt to prove that I am not altruistic enough or something along those lines is just more morality, pointless morality.