Kuba: Hi Vineeto,
Reading your reply 1 word comes to mind – narcissism. I was doing some reading on pure intent on the AFT website yesterday and under related correspondence there was some old correspondence between me and you. I can’t tell you the cringe that I experienced reading it, because I could see that narcissism in those words written by me.
And now your reply has highlighted exactly that this is what I have been ‘being’, I haven’t seen this part of how ‘I’ tick before, not this clearly/ totally anyways. Of course, all ‘beings’ are narcissistic by nature (and thus susceptible to self-aggrandisement), whether this is more in me (for whatever reason), perhaps, mainly though I now acknowledge that this is indeed how ‘I’ tick. Actually the various components of ‘my’ persona I can see how they all coagulated under this intrinsic narcissism. And it also makes it clear why ‘I’ as the ‘controller’ always return, ‘I’ return to claim ‘my’ credit, to feed back into the story that is ‘me’ etc. It also makes it clear why ‘I’ am not willing to maintain a connection to pure intent, because with that narcissism ‘I’ am looking for something that circles right back to ‘me’, in one way or another.
Hi Kuba,
It is an excellent discovery of a persistent pattern and great that it explains to you “why ‘I’ as the ‘controller’ always return”. It informs you where to focus your attention on in order to dissolve this pattern.
I had attributed your delaying tactics rather to a large dose of self-centredness –
Alan: As we have previously discussed, ‘my’ desire to savour the purity and perfection is not sufficient motivation for ‘my’ extinction.
Richard: Aye … that is self-centredness operating. (Richard, AF List, Alan-a, 31 Aug 1999)
*
Alan: Am ‘I’ really willing to sacrifice ‘my’ self to allow this to happen?
Richard: The question that the ‘I’ that was inhabiting this body back in 1981 asked was: ‘what am I saving myself for’? (Richard, AF List, Alan-b, 13 Dec 1999)
Here is the dictionary definition so that you can confirm if that description fits –
Narcissism: [from Latin: Narcissus; from Greek: Narkissos: a youth in Greek mythology who fell in love with his own reflection in water and pined away]: self-love, extreme vanity; (psychological): emotional or erotic gratification gained from contemplation of one’s self or one’s appearance; (noun): narcissist: a person affected or characterized by narcissism; an excessively self-admiring person. (Copyright © 1998 Oxford Dictionary).
You also once said you were a Messiah-archetype (link), perhaps that goes in the same direction of excessive self-importance. The reason I said “It is fortunate you avoided a more serious condition with this scheme of ‘self’-exaltation” is because you have invented/ created a new-to-me version of how to apparently proceed in actualism while ensuring that success will never happen and ‘I’ can stay in situ. The extreme form of empowering the ‘controller’ this way when allowing your ‘being’ operating without pure intent is an ASC or a permanent ASC. It is not a fate I would wish on anyone and the outcome is indeed narcissism reigning supreme.
Kuba: So I know I haven’t addressed any of your points directly, but it is just that I have never seen this overarching narcissism so clearly. And at this point it is a fork in the road, that there is no more progress possible whilst ‘I’ am harbouring this narcissism, only going round in circles. (link)
The ‘normal’ reaction would be to castigate oneself or feel remorseful, trying to purify one’s ‘self’ and thus disperse all the affective energy arising from this perspicuous insight (and shock) that narcissism is overly developed in your modus operandi. Instead you can use this very insight, and its accompanying affective energy, to turn around your modus operandi and finally and sincerely invite pure intent into your life. Then, as Geoffrey said, “the door is as wide as the universe”. (link)
Respondent: Can an insight, one moment of insight, have an effect here? Does this not call for something that is from moment to moment, ongoing.
Richard: Yes, indeed it can. One fundamental moment of insight can alter the entire course of one’s life wherein becoming free of the Human Condition is no longer a matter of choice – it is an irresistible pull. And, yes, then there is something that is from moment to moment, ongoing. I choose to call this something: ‘Pure Intent’. Pure intent is a palpable life-force; an actually occurring stream of benevolence and benignity that originates in the perfect and vast stillness that is the essential character of the infinitude of this physical universe. One can bring about a benediction from that perfection and purity, which is the essential character of the universe, by contacting and cultivating one’s original state of naiveté. Naiveté is that intimate aspect of oneself that is the nearest approximation that one can have of actual innocence – there is no innocence so long as there is a self – and constant awareness of naive intimacy results in a continuing benediction. This blessing allows a connection to be made between oneself and the perfection and purity.
This connection is what I call pure intent. Pure intent endows one with the ability to operate and function safely in society without the incumbent social identity with its ever-vigilant conscience. Thus reliably rendered virtually innocent and relatively harmless by the benefaction of the perfection and purity, one can begin to dismantle the now-redundant social identity. Pure intent is not to be confused with being a ‘do-gooder’, or being full of ‘righteousness’, or being ‘moralistic’. Pure intent is the quality that encompasses what morals and ethics aspire to but never reach. ‘Good’ fails to reach its desired goal because it opposes ‘Bad’ … the fight between Good and Evil has raged for centuries. Pure intent enables one to be liberated from both Good and Evil. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, List B, No. 20, 17 Feb 1998).
The other reason I suggest not to castigate yourself is because ‘I’/‘me’ am the best ally there is in this pioneering enterprise –
Richard: Because ‘you’ as ego/soul are your own ally – if and/or when ‘you’ choose for peace-on-earth – and ‘you’ will happily, cheerfully and altruistically co-operate by jumping in boots and all for the good of ‘your’ body and every body … and thus going out in a ‘self’-sacrificial blaze of glory. This is because such a noble ‘self’-immolation is what makes ‘your’ petty life worthwhile … such a magnanimous ushering-in of the already always existing peace-on-earth is ‘your’ crowning achievement.
The way to peace is not through war. (Richard, List C, No. 3d, 13 Apr 2000)
Cheers Vineeto