Hi Vineeto,
Reading your reply 1 word comes to mind - narcissism. I was doing some reading on pure intent on the AFT website yesterday and under related correspondence there was some old correspondence between me and you. I can’t tell you the cringe that I experienced reading it, because I could see that narcissism in those words written by me.
And now your reply has highlighted exactly that this is what I have been ‘being’, I haven’t seen this part of how ‘I’ tick before, not this clearly/totally anyways. Of course all ‘beings’ are narcissistic by nature (and thus susceptible to self-aggrandisement), whether this is more in me (for whatever reason), perhaps, mainly though I now acknowledge that this is indeed how ‘I’ tick. Actually the various components of ‘my’ persona I can see how they all coagulated under this intrinsic narcissism. And it also makes it clear why ‘I’ as the ‘controller’ always return, ‘I’ return to claim ‘my’ credit, to feed back into the story that is ‘me’ etc. It also makes it clear why ‘I’ am not willing to maintain a connection to pure intent, because with that narcissism ‘I’ am looking for something that circles right back to ‘me’, in one way or another.
So I know I haven’t addressed any of your points directly, but it is just that I have never seen this overarching narcissism so clearly. And at this point it is a fork in the road, that there is no more progress possible whilst ‘I’ am harbouring this narcissism, only going round in circles.