I was considering some other feelings after reading your post. Feelings that one normally is ashamed of. One was a feeling of relief when I imagined one of my friends dead. It was just immediately there!
So what is so good about this ‘imperfect world’?
Is it the hiding? The guilt? Everything I have built and done to be a “good person”, when in a split second I can feel relief at the idea I don’t have to deal with someone because they could be dead?
What could possibly be stopping me?
Such a fundamentally rotten being, obviously desperate to hide the evil that so easily spills over the elaborate constructions of beliefs around my goodness.