James: I can only see anything I do now as a repeat of many times over many years. I am not quite sure of what I can do that will not be a repeat. Still looking. (link)
Hi James,
You could have a look at which moment your enjoyment and appreciation flat-lined, in that nothing new came up but the same problem stubbornly appeared again and again. This is an indicator that something essential was overlooked, something that perhaps was too dear to be questioned.
James: Earlier when I said ‘I can’t’ you said that maybe it’s really because ‘I don’t want to’ and not because I can’t. I don’t yet know why but this has stuck with me. Maybe I don’t want to even though I don’t know why. It could be that I can’t because I don’t want to.
This could be fear lurking which makes me feel like I can’t. Not sure exactly what it is. Still looking.
Actually, ‘I can’t’ because ‘I don’t want to’ does make sense because if I really wanted to then I could do it. I need to pinpoint why ‘I don’t want to.’ Fear is the most likely culprit. (link).
When I said to you in my last post that “This process is experiential, not intellectual” I meant that you inquire into what is your emotional objection to being / becoming “a happy ‘being’” as Richard explained in this quote, and many others, regarding the actualism method (emphasis for your convenience) –
Respondent: I guess there are no shortcuts.
Richard: What I find telling – and this is a general observation – is just how much peoples object to being happy and harmless … the vast majority of the correspondence in the archives is, in fact, a cutting indictment on the human condition itself.
Do you realise – and this is a personal observation – you have just said, in effect, that you guess you will have to become a happy ‘being’ before you can become actually free from the human condition (as if were there a way to be thus free without having to do so you would not)?
Whereas it is actually such a delight to finally be able to be happy (and harmless) … and a relief. (Richard, AF List, No. 54, 27 Nov 2003).
“A happy ‘being’” means eventually being unconditionally happy and harmless for 23 hrs 59 min a day.
Then, when you become curious and fascinated and look for the trigger of what caused the last incident of not feeling good, it won’t be a theoretical guess (“most likely”) but a valid reason for sincerely exploring why a particular emotional obstacle is preventing you from feeling good.
Otherwise you would be only doing armchair philosophy.
Cheers Vineeto