Kuba: Hi Vineeto,
Thank you for your reply, currently there is so much going on that I don’t know where to look first haha! It’s like there are all these various explorations surrounding harmlessness, then there is this goal of locating naiveté by attending to those childhood hurts and the resentful persona which spawned from them, and thus becoming liking and likeable. And then there is something which has been going on since the other day too, it started with what I always mentioned to Sonya as “actualism headaches”, which happen as an intense pressure right in the nape of the neck (without any accompanying muscular tightness in the shoulders etc) and will typically last a day or two before finalising with heightened experiences of perfection and purity, it’s like the experience of coming to my senses, literally. And this experience of literally coming to my senses has been happening since yesterday and today in a way which I haven’t experienced before. It was particularly “vibrant” just before I wrote my post to you yesterday, like the entire world was shimmering with aliveness. And then there is the seeing that in the world of the senses ‘I’ have no existence at all, and where ‘I’ am not, all is pristine.
Fascinating times indeed. (link)
Hi Kuba,
Enjoy. Your goals and plans only require naiveté to allow fully and with it actively allow pure intent, then they the rest might just happen of its own accord – with your permission – now that the lid is off. I am reminded Claudiu’s description after he came back from visiting Geoffrey –
Claudiu: I would say it like I am now in the position where it’s clear which direction to go, and have no doubt that I can do it and that it will work, and it’s just a matter of ehm … actually doing it lol. It feels like the last pieces of “do I really want this forever?” getting myself on board, but that I do still need to answer that question in the affirmative. The other interesting thing is before I experienced it like there was no brakes anymore, yet I could still put on the gas more or less… now I experience it like not only are there no brakes, but there’s no gas pedal either. There’s nothing I can do to make the process happen faster or slower, it happens at the pace it happens. However I am still able to sort of squirm away from it, it’s not like the process can pull me forward against my will, if that makes sense. But when my will is aligned then off it goes. Even though this makes it sound like I have some control over it, I wouldn’t really put it that way. When I am aligned there’s nothing I can do to accelerate or pause it. But I am able to still ‘misalign’ myself.
I say this not as advice but just description of what is happening lol, and if Vineeto and/or Geoffrey have any advice they can read it and see… but the way forward is clear enough, continue appreciating the enormity of the stakes of total extinction, and see if it really is what I really want, as it is for keepsies. (link)
I know the “pain in the neck” quite well and Richard described it here –
Richard: For about three weeks prior to this she had been experiencing a near-constant pressure-pain in the nape of the neck, so she knew that something was imminent, as well as experiencing what she referred to as ‘an ambrosial immanence’ filling her up, inasmuch from time-to-time she could bear no more of it (such as to cause her to refrain from interacting intensively for two-three days until it dissipated) due to it being ‘too much’ or ‘too overwhelming’ for her.
Then, at the moment she became essentially the same as me (how I have been, on my own, all these years) there was a tremendous upwards surge of that energetic immanence, in and around my head and shoulders region, of such a potency, of such a strength, as would previously (on some occasion) render me utterly passive, completely immobile, and scarcely able to bear with it, to contain its immensity. (Richard, List D, Claudiu, 9 Feb 2012).
It not only happened at this particular time but many times before, I came to consider it as part of getting physically/ sensately accustomed to the immense puissance of actuality. Sometimes I called it getting used to the higher frequency – which might easily be only a metaphor but that is how I experienced it. There was a period when Richard and I lived together, shortly before the time Richard described in the above quote, where lying next to him made me physically so uncomfortably charged up (akin to too much electricity) that I had to move away half a meter in order to go to sleep. It settled down after a couple of weeks.
I am always pleased when I read descriptions like this – “like the entire world was shimmering with aliveness” – when the actual world becomes more and more apparent.
Cheers Vineeto