Alan: Was this not enough? Was it not better to enjoy this life as ‘Alan’, the personality, than risk all on an unknown future?
Richard: I can recall the ‘Richard’ that was considering this very question … yet ‘he’ just knew that ‘he’ would not be able to look in the mirror of a morning if ‘he’ did not proceed. Is it an admixture of pride and dignity, perhaps?
Kuba: This quote from Richard has been on my mind, indeed it describes the situation well for ‘me’. I remember what ‘I’ was like 10 years ago and ‘I’ would have given anything to experience life in the manner that ‘I’ do now.
And yet ‘I’ know that it is still second best, the thing is the first place is not for ‘me’! So it is that either ‘I’ would continue to live the second best or ‘I’ give up all of ‘myself’ so that this body, that body and everybody can live the first place. It’s not ‘me’ giving up second place so that ‘I’ can have the first place, rather it is ‘me’ giving up the best that ‘I’ can have for something infinitely better for this body, that body and everybody.
Hi Kuba,
The fascinating aspect of your observation when comparing your life today with what it was ten years ago, is that without wanting to go all the way you wouldn’t be how you are today (as you say yourself further below). The pure intent garnered from your PCEs was part and parcel of your journey.
It may be different for everyone how they choose to live their lives but feeling being ‘Vineeto’ always knew that virtual freedom, both before and after being out-from-control, was a precarious stage and could be lost any time if/ when pure intent was lost. So even in those periods when ‘Vineeto’ was ‘running away’, procrastinating or feeling stuck, there was one grim determination that made ‘her’ persist and that was “don’t do a Devika”, i.e. don’t ever turn away completely. Devika, when transmogrifying into Irene gave ‘her’ an excellent demonstration of what not to do. It all helped to finally leave my ‘self’ behind.
Kuba: And it is odd that ‘I’ know that ‘I’ will do that exactly, as Richard wrote “Is it an admixture of pride and dignity, perhaps?” – After-all ‘I’ did set off on this adventure in order to go all the way, and furthermore how could ‘I’ ever settle for ‘my’ second best when ‘I’ know something so much better is available, just not for ‘me’ haha. (link)
Indeed, and it’s more than “an admixture of pride and dignity” in ‘Vineeto’s’ experience, it is also the pure intent, even when temporary dormant. It can be resurrected any time you ask for it. After all, the beneficence and benevolence of the actual universe itself is right here now the moment you direct your attention to it.
Kuba: So I have been fascinated that there is this capacity which ‘I’ have, an aspect of the programming bestowed by blind nature which can be utilised in order to end the human condition. And that this aspect of the programming does not require any learning or cultivating or anything like that, it requires the correct situation in order to be triggered. And I don’t mean that ‘I’ passively sit back and wait for something to happen. Rather I mean that the gun is already loaded and the finger is on the trigger, it’s all set to go in other words (this is not in reference to any “special psychic gun” btw, just that ‘I’ am already capable of altruism by nature of being a ‘self’). (link)
Instead of thinking about altruism as a programming or a “psychic gun” (i.e. conceptually), there is an easier way to approach it experientially – you can become aware of such situations whenever you have a choice of being less self-centric than you would habitually be, simply because it feels good. Being less ‘self’-centric is the natural consequence of more and more naïve enjoyment and appreciation. Increasing kindness, generosity, magnanimity, bonhomie, friendliness and consideration will noticeably decrease being concerned about ‘me’ and ‘my’ problems, and appreciation, marvel and wonderment widen the outlook and horizon about all the magnificent happening beyond ‘my’ own narrow horizon – and a magical fairy-tale-like world becomes more and more apparent.
Cheers Vineeto