Kuba: OK so things are getting pretty fun! Something clicked the other day with regards to control or with regards to ‘me’ living ‘my’ life, and it is that ‘I’ don’t even exist . Of course there is an ‘I’ currently in residence inside the flesh and blood body called Kuba, but ‘I’ am an illusion. It’s odd in that deep down ‘I’ already know this but I guess this hasn’t yet fully worked it’s way through the totality of ‘me’. So ‘I’ am here on one hand and yet on the other hand ‘I’ know (experientially) that ‘I’ am nothing but an illusion. The fun part is that this has now flipped from being a serious affair and over to enjoying and appreciating in gay abandon.
Because ‘I’ don’t have to worry about anything anymore, ‘I’ don’t have to do anything anymore etc. It’s not that ‘I’ release the reins, it’s more that it is realised ‘I’ never existed in the first place.
I remember a few years ago a brief PCE where the breath breathed itself, this exact experience was what got me back onto the wide and wondrous path after a long lay off. I remember the incredible sense of release in seeing that just like the breath breathed itself, life lives itself.
And now I am starting to experience life in this manner, that everything is already always in place and has been all along, life was perfect all this time and ‘I’ only believed that ‘I’ existed – that is the crux of it all. (link)
Hi Kuba,
It does sound wonderful and fun and it is great you enjoy letting go of the controls of ‘me’ living ‘my’ life. But something doesn’t seem quite right.
When you “know (experientially) that ‘I’ am nothing but an illusion” then the illusion disappears, just like when you see through a belief and discover the fact, you cannot make this fact unseen and go back to take up the belief again.
I wonder (and I can be wrong) if that ‘knowing’ “that ‘I’ am nothing but an illusion” is merely a narrative providing the veil which prevents the final altruistic act of immolation for the benefit of this body and every body to become actuality. Only the genuine permission to go into oblivion will do the trick.
Richard: Needless is it to add that, had it not been for that identity’s totally dedicated/ utterly devoted pure intent to not have intelligence be the loser, yet again for the umpteenth billionth time, this conversation would not be taking place (and that neither would this mailing list exist either)?
Respondent: Intelligence won and your identity ‘lost’, right?
Richard: No, blind nature lost … the identity got precisely what ‘he’ wanted more than anything else (the blessed release into oblivion) thereby allowing intelligence to operate unimpeded. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, AF List, No. 68d, 10 Oct 2005).
Cheers Vineeto