OK so things are getting pretty fun! Something clicked the other day with regards to control or with regards to ‘me’ living ‘my’ life, and it is that ‘I’ don’t even exist 
. Of course there is an ‘I’ currently in residence inside the flesh and blood body called Kuba, but ‘I’ am an illusion. It’s odd in that deep down ‘I’ already know this but I guess this hasn’t yet fully worked it’s way through the totality of ‘me’. So ‘I’ am here on one hand and yet on the other hand ‘I’ know (experientially) that ‘I’ am nothing but an illusion. The fun part is that this has now flipped from being a serious affair and over to enjoying and appreciating in gay abandon.
Because ‘I’ don’t have to worry about anything anymore, ‘I’ don’t have to do anything anymore etc. It’s not that ‘I’ release the reins, it’s more that it is realised ‘I’ never existed in the first place.
I remember a few years ago a brief PCE where the breath breathed itself, this exact experience was what got me back onto the wide and wondrous path after a long lay off. I remember the incredible sense of release in seeing that just like the breath breathed itself, life lives itself.
And now I am starting to experience life in this manner, that everything is already always in place and has been all along, life was perfect all this time and ‘I’ only believed that ‘I’ existed - that is the crux of it all.