Kuba: I know you are onto something here Vineeto because recently I have observed a certain severity in my relating with Sonya, a kind of fierce, unforgiving, sharp energy, this is the outcome of not being friends with ‘myself’. Now that same fierceness that ‘I’ apply to ‘myself’ has spilled out onto others.
Vineeto: Would you treat any of your fellow human beings the way you seem to be treating yourself such that you are “‘screaming’ constantly”?
Kuba: Well except those above mentioned events no I wouldn’t, as in I would not wish for them to carry that burden for even a second when it is not required, but it seems ‘I’ do not afford ‘myself’ that same treatment, funnily enough in the long run it means ‘I’ don’t afford others that treatment either.
Hi Kuba,
Yes, that is exactly it – when you treat yourself badly it does result in you consequently treating others badly too, plus emanating negative vibes as well. Perhaps this recognition might give you an incentive to become more friendly, less demanding, less pushing with yourself.
Kuba: So yes it is as Richard wrote : “eventually ‘I’ come to realise that the very best thing that ‘I’ can do is altruistically ‘self’-immolate for the benefit of this body and all bodies”.
It’s a circle of sorrow and malice, ‘I’ don’t allow ‘myself’ to drop the burden and so ‘I’ suffer, despite ‘my’ best intentions ‘I’ end up hurting others too. And the more severe ‘I’ become with ‘myself’ the more we all hurt in the end.
I am pleased you can see that.
At present it’s not about “to drop the burden” but to drop the need to control and to get back to feeling good in order to step out of the cycle “of sorrow and malice”. When there is no moral demand on yourself but sheer enjoyment and appreciation for the thrilling process which is happening of its own accord, especially when ‘you’ don’t interfere, then there is no room to be impatient, to suffer and hurt others.
Kuba: Allowing ‘myself’ to drop the burden is the way out of this. Otherwise ‘I’ remain hurt and continue hurting others too, despite ‘my’ best intentions.
So this is where I am not at fully yet, in that I do not see without a shadow of a doubt that “the very best thing that ‘I’ can do is altruistically ‘self’-immolate for the benefit of this body and all bodies”. But I see it more now after what you have pointed out, as in I see the pointless and circular nature of suffering in any degree, not just for ‘me’ but for everybody. (link)
The way out of this is to get back to feeling good and then enjoy and appreciate this unique and exciting adventure of a lifetime. “The more severe ‘I’ become with ‘myself’” is another way of saying you want to control the way it is going to happen … and that is not possible by the very nature of ‘self’-immolation –
Richard: ‘I’ do not do the deed itself for an ‘I’ cannot end itself … (Richard, List B, No. 12, 6 Mar 1998).
It is really hard to sit back and enjoy the ride, isn’t it? 
Cheers Vineeto