I know you are onto something here Vineeto because recently I have observed a certain severity in my relating with Sonya, a kind of fierce, unforgiving, sharp energy, this is the outcome of not being friends with ‘myself’. Now that same fierceness that ‘I’ apply to ‘myself’ has spilled out onto others.
Well except those above mentioned events no I wouldn’t, as in I would not wish for them to carry that burden for even a second when it is not required, but it seems ‘I’ do not afford ‘myself’ that same treatment, funnily enough in the long run it means ‘I’ don’t afford others that treatment either.
So yes it is as Richard wrote :
eventually ‘I’ come to realise that the very best thing that ‘I’ can do is altruistically ‘self’-immolate for the benefit of this body and all bodies
It’s a circle of sorrow and malice, ‘I’ don’t allow ‘myself’ to drop the burden and so ‘I’ suffer, despite ‘my’ best intentions ‘I’ end up hurting others too. And the more severe ‘I’ become with ‘myself’ the more we all hurt in the end.
Allowing ‘myself’ to drop the burden is the way out of this. Otherwise ‘I’ remain hurt and continue hurting others too, despite ‘my’ best intentions.
So this is where I am not at fully yet, in that I do not see without a shadow of a doubt that “the very best thing that ‘I’ can do is altruistically ‘self’-immolate for the benefit of this body and all bodies”. But I see it more now after what you have pointed out, as in I see the pointless and circular nature of suffering in any degree, not just for ‘me’ but for everybody.