Kuba: OK so update on how things have been going as ‘I’ am still here .
The best way I can describe where I find myself lately is what Srinath wrote here : (snipped quotes)
There really isn’t anything else ‘I’ can do now, there aren’t even any more problems to solve even if ‘I’ was to go looking for them. What a bummer, ‘I’ ran out of things to do!
Experientially it is almost like it does not reflect my experience properly to use the scare quotes anymore? Of course ‘I’ am still a ‘self’ but now it would be precise to say that ‘I’ am ‘my’ passions and ‘my’ passions are ‘me’, it seems that is virtually all that is left of ‘me’, whereas before ‘I’ was a psychological operation on top of / arising out of those passions.
The main way that ‘I’ can tell that ‘I’ am still here is those very passions burning away, without them ‘I’ would no longer exist. Exactly as Srinath wrote – “It seemed like I was hanging on by a very thin thread that stayed firmly in place… The spoonful that weighed a tonne. ‘I’ would roar back into full existence creating havoc for this body and every body, given half a chance”.
So by all means this seems to be great news, because now it is only self-immolation that is left, the only other thing that can be done, there is literally nothing else I can do. There have been many times in the past week or so that it seemed like it could happen at any moment, like everything that I could do has been done and everything that could be in place to ensure it happens, has also been done.
So ‘I’ have been doing nothing, even “allowing it” does not seem to properly reflect what is going on because that is still something that ‘I’ would be doing. Basically it has been happening and ‘I’ have been doing nothing, being insubstantial ‘I’ cannot do anything anyways.
I think this is as much as I can write which accurately describes what has been going on. It seems something needs to trigger the altruism at this point? (link)
Hi Kuba,
What a wonderful report.
Even though you say “even “allowing it” does not seem to properly reflect what is going on”, you still have the opportunity to ‘lean into’ the growing stillness whenever it beckons. This seems to be a bit of a challenge (naturally), because further above you say “What a bummer, ‘I’ ran out of things to do!”
Perhaps this section of Richard’s journal can give you the reassurance that being still, doing nothing, savouring the “nothing to do” stage – without impatience, guilt, questioning or labelling it as something negative or something amiss – and instead fully embracing, welcoming, enjoying and appreciating every single moment. It will be now when it happens, you can’t miss it.
Richard: Pure intent is an actually occurring stream of benignity that originates in the purity that is the chief attribute of the perfect and vast stillness that is the essential character of the infinitude of the universe … which is the life-giving foundation of all that is apparent. When one gives way to that, when one realises that ‘I’ cannot do it on ‘my’ own, that purity enables one to live one’s life as it is meant to be lived. One is meant to be benign, benevolent and blithe … life was not meant to be ugly, brutish and sorrowful. It is only when ‘I’ instinctually feel - and thus arrogantly think – that ‘I’ know better than the universe how life should be lived that the troubles and miseries begin. ‘I’ have arrogated responsibility with self-evidently disastrous results.
Pure intent absolves one from the duty to perform. The stream of life, which this moment in time and this place in space is, is the universe living itself as a sensate human being … and, as such, is capable of reflecting on its situation. One is supported by the universe - as it were – and one can do no harm. All this and more is indicative of having achieved a state of virtual freedom. After living in the condition of virtual freedom for sufficient time to absorb all the ramifications of a blithesome life, it is highly likely that the ultimate condition can happen. ‘I’ do not make it happen, because ‘I’ cannot make it happen. What is more … ‘I’ am not required to make it happen. An actual freedom happens of itself only when one is fully ready, and not before. One has to become acclimatised to benignity, benevolence and blitheness, because the purity of the actual is so powerful that it would “blow the fuses” if one was to venture into this territory ill-prepared. To precipitously apprehend the vast stillness of infinitude would be too much, too fast, too soon … one could go mad with the super-abundance of pleasure that pours forth. The in-built tendency of the universe to achieve the optimum knows best as to when the time is right. (Richard’s Journal, Article Twenty-Three).
Cheers Vineeto