The thing which I can see is that I flipped things around, because as long as ‘I’ am an identity then indeed it is ‘dangerous’ to get close to other identities. This brings it back to what you wrote a while ago about feeling beings bemoaning the dearth of actually free people. So knowing that ‘I’ cannot get close to other identities ‘I’ settled for a distance. And yet all the while I have enjoyed and appreciated the safety that interacting with you offers, not necessarily a safety for ‘me’ as ‘I’ am being constantly challenged but rather the safety of knowing that whatever is happening is to everybody’s benefit.
But of course someone has to go first otherwise there would be no actually free Vineeto to offer this safety. Whereas it is as if ‘I’ decided that since other identities will not provide this safe ambience then ‘I’ have to simply distance ‘myself’ from ‘them’. It seems ‘I’ never wanted intimacy with other identities because ‘I’ know that it will inevitably leave all concerned bruised, metaphorically and literally lol. So ‘I’ have been afraid to get close to others as ‘I’ felt that it would have to be an emotional involvement. When I looked at that picture of me and Sonya I glimpsed that there is an actual person there, not an identity but a flesh and blood body, I saw that actual intimacy with her is utterly delicious and safe.
It seems I have answered my own question here - basically ‘I’ created an unnecessary boundary, using emotional intimacy as a trailer for what actual intimacy is like, ‘I’ then used this to fuel ‘my’ fears about getting close to others. Of course there is no danger at all to actual intimacy. In actual intimacy there are no identities, it is something that happens between flesh and blood bodies only.