Well this one reached a truly dramatic crescendo whilst travelling back to the UK 
. I have always had a slight fear of flying however this was never an issue. However this time around after finding out about the recent plane crash in Korea I made a beast out of this like no other.
Actually I am not sure which part is to do with this overall fear of flying and which part is as @Vineeto wrote - “I can well understand from memory how inventive ‘I’ can be, when ‘my’ existence is more and more demonstrably at stake”, I guess it is ultimately one and the same thing.
Either way I found myself in a weird place, on one hand I seem to be so close to going all the way, on the other hand I realise that ‘I’ will never become actually free anyways as it is ‘me’ that has to die and then on the 3rd hand ‘I’ am convinced that this time around ‘I’ am going to die on this plane, and not just psychically but physically - again can ‘I’ really tell the difference anyways?
Now it is a long journey back to the UK, 3 planes and about 25 hours of flying in total, plenty of time for ‘me’ to experience this complete dread at what is apparently going to happen any second. Before setting my foot on the plane I had already set the intention to do the below no matter what :
• [Richard]: ‘A deep feeling of dread, the abject intuition of impending doom, is fraught with foreboding, be it a grim, dire, or awful presage, and this intensely apprehensive trepidation is symptomatic of the existential angst (the anguish of the essential insecurity of being a contingent ‘being’) which underpins all suffering. As such an occasion of profound dread is an opportune moment to plumb the depths of ‘being’ itself (‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being) … rather than avoidance through realisation of the portentous event as all manner of phantasmagoria can be manifested by such evasion. With pure intent one can enable a movement into the existential angst, rather than despairingly grasping at doomsday straws, which movement facilitates the bright light of awareness being shone into the innermost recesses of ‘my’ presence … which is ‘presence’ itself.
Such an active perspicacity in ‘my’ moment of reckoning will reveal that ‘presence’ itself feeds off ‘my’ fear – it is its very life-blood as it were – and this functional acuity brings an abrupt end to its nourishment. Whereupon all-of-a-sudden one finds oneself on the other side of the wall (to keep with the ‘cornered’ analogy for now) with the hitherto unseeable doorway to freedom closing behind one … and one is walking freely in this actual world where one has already always been living anyway.
All what happened was that upon ‘my’ exposure dissolution occurred and the Land of Lament sank without a trace.
And this is what ‘I’ did, on the 3rd plane something shifted, indeed I saw that “‘presence’ itself feeds off ‘my’ fear – it is its very life-blood as it were”. It was as if that fear (that is ‘me’) would ‘fold on itself’ and create something like a feedback loop that could rise through fear all the way to utter terror and dread. This “feedback loop” seems to be what keeps ‘me’ in place as a self.
When this was seen it was as if out of the 2 items which were required for this feedback loop, 1 was taken away. All of a sudden what I previously experienced as this unmovable core of fear right in the chest region all of a sudden became kind of airy, so much so that I had the urge to laugh, like I could laugh it out of my chest for good.
This is certainly no self-immolation and in general all very weird stuff However since then something has shifted, whereas before actuality seemed to be ‘out there’ like this other dimension I would have to enter. Now it seems right here now, with the flimsiest bits of ‘me’ keeping reality in place and thus blocking what is already always here now. It seems so utterly ordinary on one hand, like “of course I am here as this body where I have always been” and then at the same time there is this exquisite purity and a magical ambience. It seems so close (as it is already always here now) that all I have to do is accept that invitation to the party, for good.
There is a quote from Richard that reminds me of this but I cannot for the life of me find it! He explains that he meets the same people, things and events that others do, as if nothing has happened and yet something has changed irrevocably, in that there is an immaculate perfection and purity permeating all of existence.
So it is as if self-immolation would simply clean that last dirty bit, then I am here where I have always been, all this time. Without that last layer of dirt the perfection and purity (which has been here all this time) can now be lived. Then I have joined the party.