I find the below is the only means of ‘investigation’ which is ultimately required :
From Milito’s journal
Also I can say with the utmost confidence that I as ‘doer’ has been extinct since 2016. So I have not been ‘doing’ anything as such. I have been busy however BEING every single motha-effin’ feeling while simultaneously having the goal of living the PCE 24/7 for the rest of my life on my mind
This is such a powerful thing to do, not to think about one’s feelings, not even just feeling them, but ‘being’ those feelings. Because by fully ‘being’ those feelings there is no possibility to be anything but fully aware of every single aspect of the thing, this is full involvement, as far as ‘I’ can go as a feeling being. And this exquisite attention engendered by ‘being’ the feeling fully is enough to dissolve the thing over time.
The way I see it these days is like a hierarchy, initially one may only be able to intellectually approach the feeling, this is working from the greatest distance, then one begins allowing oneself to feel those feelings but there is still this split between the doer and the beer. Then one realises that one is those very feelings and experiences from there, this is the most direct and the most transformative level.
Most of the time these days when I find myself wanting to escape onto the lower rungs of that ladder, eg I find there is a pull towards intellectualisation (thinking about the feeling) or there is a drive to moralise the feelings (feeling the feelings) then I am wasting time, the thing to do which works most directly is to go ahead and ‘be’ that feeling, then this feeling is ‘me’ in operation, this is where the situation is ripe for change to take place.