Just wanted to record this in the log. The text Vineeto was quoting below was written by me, back during the 2024 Ballina trip wherein I met both Richard and Vineeto. What really stands out to me—and what had me recall this particular episode today—is the realization of how “I do not have to be/feel the way blind nature dictated that I feel”. This revivified naive memory is also from prior to the development of the “almost always brooding in their vicinity” (#4) resentful memory I’ve often carried through my life.
Full quotation below:
May 10, 2024 (naiveté)
There’s a good chance I somewhat misunderstood Richard/Vineeto in last meeting. I don’t have to give up my autonomous enjoyment (and liking myself). All I need to do is stop repressing entirely; and channel the (now-open) energy of passions towards enacting an EE/PCE in that very moment. That’s it. No compromises needed, or even lifestyle changes needed (much less seek advice to that end from others often in vain).
[..]
“I don’t have to be this way” - a glimmer of being like a kid
Ooooh, just had an interesting insight!
I entered the [Traveller’s Lodge] kitchen lobby with an empty bottle, making my way to the sink to fill it. I was holding the bottle somewhat loosely, which lead to me dropping it as I brisk-walked my way to the sink. I picked it up – and as I was picking it up, I found myself to be like a kid again for a brief moment. And in that being-like-a-kid revivification, it occurred to me with a crystal-clear clarity and obviousness as to how I do not have to be/feel the way blind nature dictated that I feel (with libido, for example, along with the attendant feelings).
This insight, further simplified my outlook on this whole thing (which was already simplified by my aforementioned message). Naturally, I came to an understanding that being still a feeling being, I’ll continue to experience instinctual passions … BUT, instead of acting all adult (ie., following the dictates of these sophisticates), I could simply channel the instinctual energy to the ends I think is best – which is to become actually free (via, first, having EE/PCE happen) as well as have tremendous fun in computers.[1]
Damn, I consider this to be as key of a insight as affective vibes perception I had with Jon back in 2013.
Can I rememorate and revivify this at will?
Being like a kid, in that brief moment, was so easy to be - and obviously a much better way to live (as long as one is not gullible). In comparison, the normalcy of normal being sucks (there’s a “heaviness” to it)
In fact, I’m trying to rememorate now (I’m seated in the couch, sipping a cup of coffee) … and I feel a sense of heaviness/thickness in the middle of the chest (as if to suggest, in contrast, what the ongoing normalcy is).
I’m reminded of Richard’s Clay-Pit Tale
The ‘being naiveté’ experience occurred as feeling-being ‘Richard’ was climbing out of the clay-pit, onto the closely-cropped grass surround, [..]
And it was as ‘he’ was clambering out onto the grassy sward—both ‘he’ and the young lad were stark naked and covered in creamy wet clay—that ‘his’ heightened state of awareness (a state of amazement, marvelment, and delightment, due to the exuberant joy stemming from making a living as an adult playing with mud and the sheer joie de vivre of life itself) slipped into being a childlike state of wide-eyed wonderment best expressed by the word naiveté.
Now, I wouldn’t say in that brief moment I had wide-eyed wonderment, however it was certainly a childlike state.
[End of report from May 10, 2024]
Editor’s note: of course, this goes for just about any activity, even “doing nothing” Doing nothing - #6 by Srinath ↩︎