Autonomy; and boundless appreciation of autonomy!
I’ve sufficiently explored all desire-feelings (the good and the bad; top to bottom). They are all but sandcastles built upon the fleshly act of sexual penetration itself,[1] and I now find it critical to remember this insight. They are longwinded trains to ‘rompville’. A prolonged dry simulation before wet friction. A nervous stuttering preceding rhythmic thumping. A marathon of flowery prose ending in a monosyllabic grunt. The intricate weaving of emotional safety nets shredded by a downward thrust. A grand tour of psychological depths terminating at the shallow pelvic slam. A labyrinth of strategic “getting to know yous” leading to the raw deep slide. The slow unbuttoning of social grace ending in a hard heave. The curated mask of the “good date” stripped off for the blind pelvic drive.
And then, sensuousness provides a superior alternative to these sandcastles, as originally observed here:
With feeling good as a reliable baseline, a more sensuous enjoyment can readily be accessed by rememorating my PCEs with superlative gusto. I also like how Srinath put it, presumably idiosyncratically based on his own PCEs (link):
SRINATH: You want to get into your senses and to relish and savour whatever sensory experience is on offer. Most often it is easiest to start with the eyes, let your eyes fall gently on whatever is in your purview. Have them ‘caress’ whatever is around you that is appealing. It might be the blue sky, a tree, a pebble on the ground, a bowl on your desk. See with the very ‘surface of the eyeballs as it were’. Initially, there may be only one or two things that produce sensuous pleasure. See if you can gradually take pleasure in seeing other things. Bring the other senses into it – hearing, touch, taste, smell. Hearing and touch especially. You want your whole body to be caught up with the pleasure of the senses. If you get any worries or anxieties, see if you can set them aside. If they are persistent you may need to spend a little time examining them before you dispatch them, but do so without too much effort. The idea is to get back to sensuosity.
For me, both ‘immediacy’ and ‘arriving here’ (link) are the rememorative cues just prior to sensuousity coming into picture.
A great way to consistently feel great to excellent!
Prior to immigrating to North America, about two decades ago, I was constantly in touch online (later we met when she visited India) with a remarkable, funny and highly intelligent woman of identical origin as me but living in the US, who would make more or less the same observation. Incidentally, she was the 2nd woman I fell in love with. ↩︎