Journal de Henry

[claudiu]

Hi Scout,

@scout

this struck a cord with me. but namely because the consciousness experiences i’ve had that mostly closely align with the state you and richard describe - where the psychological self/center is completely gone, there are only senses and a direct awareness of infinity - were actually pretty overwhelming. a lot of agitation/remnants of fear were still present and were experienced very acutely without the buffer of the psychological self, kind of reminiscent of the adjustment period richard described, and i definitely felt disoriented too. it makes those experiences feel like a little less of a compass for me because they actually didn’t feel super desirable.

If the experience is not “super desirable” then odds are it was not a PCE.

In a genuine PCE there is no “agitation” or “remnants of fear”. This indicates your felt/emotional self/core of your being was not actually in abeyance, merely masquerading as if so.

Here is an experiential report that may help elucidate matters:

@claudiu

It led to experiencing such a remarkable and out-of-this-world actuality later whilst driving the car during the golden hour shortly before sunset. All of experience, 100% of it, was unimaginably rich and pure. Everything was happening effortlessly and even the slightest motion or adjustment of the steering wheel was a delight to experience. I literally could not believe how pure and rich experience was… and perfect! The words ran through my head “I can’t believe this is real life” .

*There is no doubt at all that what I am aiming for is a life to be experienced like that, 24/7, every second of every minute of the day.* And no doubt that this is eminently achievable – because actuality is already like that. That is what is already happening, so no effort is needed to produce it. It is accessible at any time, 24/7, because that is how the universe is already functioning. So there is no need to ‘wait’ for it to start doing that, or get the conditions ‘right’, because it’s already happening. All I need to do is allow it to happen. [emphasis added]

I have had PCEs that did not stand out quite as much as that one – but it is very important to use as your guiding light only that which you genuinely can be 100% confident is a PCE.

The very first one I had after visiting Richard & Vineeto for the first time was similar in its quality:

The PCE came on sometime from that point to when I exited the park a few minutes later. I simply really took notice of what was going on and was simply enjoying it all. I noticed some motion to my right, stopped suddenly to take a look, and there was a squirrel! I got a bit closer without scaring it away and managed to take a look. I wondered that I hadn’t seen a squirrel in forever. Its heart was beating so fast. At first it seemed timid but then it looked up at me and sort of stood on its hind legs. I think it wanted food.

I moved on, taking particular note of how awesome the trees looked. What ensued was a really brilliant interplay of me noticing something with delight, then me reacting to it/contemplating it with delight, then doing something else with delight, etc., all because it was just delightful. Like I stopped at the crosswalk and I had a red light. So I looked around to see if there were cars coming, and they weren’t. So then I started walking across. Then a car came and started turning left onto the road I was crossing, so I bolted the rest of the way, with no fear at all, almost just because it was fun, but also so I wouldn’t get run over. Then I decided to stand to the left of a parking meter instead of the right, when waiting to cross the other street, because I was curious how that looked. (…)

The ‘WOW’ factor was definitely there. And this ‘WOW’ factor definitely comes from the identity. Unbidden thoughts arising of like ‘wow this is just so amazing!’ I was now at a point where I could choose to go either way. I noticed that thoughts were totally unnecessary, and that indeed I was enjoying myself the most when thoughts were not occurring. This is because they were feeling-fueled thoughts, spinning around about ‘me’, ‘me’, ‘me’. Whereas I could simply enjoy life without the thoughts. All the decisions I made when I described the crosswalk experience were made without thoughts at all, just a direct appraisal of the situation, though of course I understood exactly what was going on and why and I can now put it into words. But it was totally pointless to put what was already going on and being understood into thoughts and then go on thinking about it. That would have just ended the PCE. And I could choose to go either way! I chose to keep experiencing the PCE.

Here’s where I realized ‘I’ cannot tell whether ‘I’ am in abeyance by feeling it out. The feeling function only works when ‘I’ am fully there, not in abeyance. Trying to feel whether ‘I’ am in abeyance (i.e. whether a PCE is happening) only results in ‘me’ coming back (i.e. the PCE ending). A pure consciousness experience is experienced apperceptively. That’s how non-feeling consciousness works. And it’s so delightful!

So, I successfully crossed both streets and was now on the final sidewalk before getting into my apartment building. I was truly having a blast. It was so incredibly simple! Here’s where more understanding started flowing, as a direct result of that experience, and that’s part of how I know it was a PCE.

First of all, it was excessively obvious that a PCE is a factual occurrence and that ‘I’ as a feeling-being play no part in it, because that’s exactly what was happening and I was experiencing it! There was also an immediate recognition in the veracity of the words on the AFT. It’s not a belief system. Rather, the words on the AFT site accurately describe this factual occurrence. Richard described it first, then other people understood and experienced what the words described and then described it as well, which descriptions are unsurprisingly consistent because they are describing the same factual occurrence. It was also clear that really actualism is all about the PCE. *That is how I want to experience life 24/7.* There’s an unshakeable confidence that results from PCEs, and for me, from this one in particular, so much so that even though now ‘I’ am here and a PCE is not occurring, *I have the confidence that the actual world exists and ‘I’ know that that is my destination.*

[…]

I was having the time of my life, walking along on that final sidewalk. ‘Me’ and all ‘my’ desires and fears and addictions and problems and whatever was totally gone. There was no need to do anything to correct for ‘me’ because there were no problems in the first place. Truly amazing! And it was so easy and simple to just be there. [emphasis added] [source]

My advise would be to have high standards, a very high bar for what a genuine PCE is, and to be open to the possibility that there’s far more to it than you’ve seen so far!

Cheers,
Claudiu