Maybe I’m misunderstand you, but how can the results of actualism be invisible or unknown to people?
The very acting, the very putting it into practice is the visable thing. They may not know that it is actualism what is being shown, but they know that something about you is genuwine, sincere and straight forward. They know the qualities you have and demonstrate in your daily life. I very often here the words: “If I just were in your shoes, if I just could see it as you, if I just could drop that like you, how can you be so at ease with this thing, why doesn’t xy bother you” etc. Of course they often have an internal and simple excuse for why things are different and easier for you, but that is the very recognition of you putting it into practice. People happily ask me for advice, because they know that I am unbiased, that I can really listen and understand etc. It doesn’t get more visable then that!
There was a considerable change however in regards to anonimity. When I was in trouble and had this “fear of dissapearing” I was looking for a certain kind of validation. I wanted to be the talk of the day, I wanted people to recognize how valuable I am, how impactful I am in their daily lives. I wanted to hear it, I wanted them to say it out loud, that it was because of me!
But then something different happend: people just became more open towards me, more genuwine, more sincere towards me. In some I saw changes happening and I saw that my input was part of it. Of course they often sold it as their own ingenuity/insight and sometimes even began lecturing me about the same-same thing which I was pointing out in the last conversation. It can get quite hilarious at times. But the change, the new thing for me was that I had much more interesting discussions with people in general. This in itself gave me much more then any validation I had hoped for. It was just so cool to be able to talk straight and openly with them. Here I learned that I absolutely love to talk and chat with people about almost everything. Before that I always wanted to steer and manipulate the conversation, to bring it back to me, to highlight what I was thinking about it etc. I wanted to occupy and hijack the conversation. Often I was not even really interested in their talk, which seemed like a superficial waste of time to me. It was not that they weren’t interesting, but that I was not interested.
It all became much more relaxed after I realized that my tendency almost always lead to boring and uninteresting discussions. People didn’t want to discuss this “serious” stuff and I was pushing. I was sucking out the fun, while I couldn’t learn anything new from it.
That was a major realization for me. From then on most conversations were fun, no matter how trivial or seemingly unimportant. It’s the little things which I missed all the time. People communicate great stuff through seemingly trivial things. And it’s just enjoyable to talk about this and that.
I was reading Kub933 response with interest as well, but I can’t really relate to it I guess. I have no clue what will happen with ‘my’ sex-life after ‘I’ dissapear. It’s mostly inconceivable to me and I don’t bother thinking about it too much. My sex-life depends very much on desire and passion. There is so much flirting, teasing, provoking, getting horny etc involved that I can’t know what will happen without any of these traits. What will happen with my style, my kind of sex-talk, my humor, my crazieness, my “moods” which can lead to more tender or more rough sexual intercourse? There is such a huge varaiety involved which is very stimulating for both of us. I sometimes have this image of a stale and boring body which cannot please my girlfriend. I know that it’s nonsensical but it still pops up here and there. I guess it’s because I have never experianced a PCE or EE while having sex or being very close to someone. I had very intimate and very pleasurable experiances with sex of course, but it’s difficult for me to seperate the bodily pleasures from my passions while I’m at it.
This may also stem from a belief that woman are ultimately different than man. I have observed this belief in some of my friends. This may superfically be true, but on a deeper level very, very wrong. They want exactly the same: good and fun sexual intercourse. There is this belief that woman always want more of a man: a relationship, a bond, a future vision, security, wealth etc. That’s so absurd to me, because I haven’t got any of these things nor did I ever communicate it. I was very honest and sincere with woman about my intentions. When asked I always told them that I didn’t know what would happen, but that I liked them. I just wanted to find out and have a great time. Of course some would outright reject me for it, but that’s the price for being straight with them. They were looking for something serious, for “realtionship-material” which is fair.
I remember a show I watched together with my girlfriend in which a quite famous german feminist was invited (Alice Schwarzer). She was basically making a huge deal about womans sexuality. She went into hormons, into pheromons, into specific areas within a womans brain, how they were stimulated, how they differ from a mans brain, how feelings are the most important thing to a woman etc. She made a huge mysterie out of it, which become more complex and complicated by the minute - all the while we could’t stop laughing about it. It was a comedy. We were sure that this woman didn’t know or understand anything in regards to sexuality. It was all theoretical mumbo jumbo, just statistics, sterile data. In my opinion woman are pretty basic and straight forward in that regard. There is a difference in pace, sure, but is that considered a mysterie? Pff!
The rest for me are conventions, beliefs and taboos which just muddles the waters. For me there is absolutely nothing mysterious about woman, but something quiet magical. The way they move, they dress, they communicate, they express etc.
The concerning thing was that thousands or even millions of young people watched this nonsense and may have adopted the view and belief that sexuality, especially womans sexuality is this very serious, precious and complicated matter, where everybody involved has to be super careful. Where is the fun in that?!
Yes, that makes a lot of sense. On top of this is the danger of maybe screwing it up and having even less possiblilities then before. I guess peope in rural areas are rather looking straight for relationship material? I would be a different person with that backround for sure. I don’t know how I would approach this thing, but what could be better then sincerity with my intentions? There is something magical about sincerity and honesty. Even when I was rejected by woman, in some of them I could see that they were unsure about it. That they may have missed an great opportunity to have a lot of fun.