It’s been becoming very obvious lately how much I center lust/libido in my priorities, as well as some of the pitfalls of that approach, so I have been poking around in it a bit more. It seems my loop is boredom - desire/lust - anxiety. They depend on eachother, as in boredom is an escape from anxiety, desire/lust is a fantasized escape from boredom, and anxiety occurs when something interrupts or breaks the fantasized desire.
Seemingly every moment of ‘my’ life has been within that loop in some way or another, I can see how many of my habitual activities are driven by one of those 3. Perhaps you could add anger-aggression as a step after anxiety (rebelling against feeling the anxiety, which eventually collapses into boredom/depression).
In contrast to this loop is fun, as @Vineeto has reminded me on a few occasions! Fun is interesting because it exists completely on its own, it does not depend on any outcome in contrast to desire-lust, which depends on certain instinctual cues which then must be engineered/controlled. No wonder it’s always disappointed! Fun happens here & now. I’m having a very interesting time right now contrasting this against ‘my’ loop, they exist on such different existential threads. I can be a Henry that loops through those 3 familiar states, or I can be a Henry that enjoys and appreciates what is happening now.
My most consistent interruption of PCEs/excellence in the past has been that I ‘remember’ my ‘important mission’ to seek out my symbols of desire, and then turn my attention toward acquisition, which I now see is just one step in the looping.
I am informed here by Vineeto’s description of the woman of Indian birth becoming free:
As I recall moments of my life, I can look for moments of particular vibes and see how they have repeated metronomically, whether in the hourly, daily, monthly, or yearly scales. This is ‘my’ life, what ‘I’ have proven myself to be.
And then there is now, where there is a choice to be made of how to be.