Nice, I couldn’t have summed it up better myself! I think this is good to experiential realise though. It’s not that there is anything intrinsically evil about wanting to be emotionally intimate, it’s more that you realise that it just cannot work, the emotions are always there to swing from the good to the bad despite your best intentions.
I don’t think I’ve experientially realized it yet. Or else I’d stop 
How can I accelerate this process?
Yeah I have been wondering the same thing with some of my own dramas… How to sincerely make myself want something different than I currently want - now that is a paradox
I guess on one hand that emotional landscape has to be fully explored and understood but then on the other hand it may be very useful to look back at these dramas from the place of feeling good, great, excellent or a PCE - where you will probably come to the same conclusion that I have (regarding my own dramas), which is that there is something far better available.
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I’m a big fan of the ‘fuck around and find out’ approach… if you sincerely want something, keep trying to get it. As long as you’re sincere and don’t give up, you’ll find out how and why things aren’t working. With experience, the third alternative becomes clearly the best option, and with the benefit of added sincerity due to the experiential decision rather than an ‘I should’
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This is superb stuff…so simple and it comes at the right time !..A girl Ive been meeting these days started crying…now I did try to comfort her but I need not feel any kinda “bonding” emotions(while careful that its not repressing) because that will perpetuate the sorry go saga thats been going forever on Earth…I need that unilateral aim of being unconditionally happy n harmless…as much as humanly possible hehe
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I’ve been tackling the issue of resentment at work recently. The “peasant mentality” article was a huge help in this regard, as I realized some of the beliefs I’ve been harboring.
I resent work and I hate being there. I resent the very fact that I have to work to earn a living (disfranchised feeling). Moreover, there is shame and guilt if I’m struggling with a task, or not being productive, or slacking off. The other side of the coin is that I take great pride in my work (when it’s going well). It’s a part of my self-worth.
These investigations cleared up some of the feelings I’ve been bringing to work. I was able to function not as a “super skilled” worker, but simply as someone doing their task. And it may sound bland, but it felt lighter than bringing all the identity stuff into it. Plus then I could focus on the task without thinking about, “is this going to advance my career?” or “I would rather work on something more interesting”. I’m seeing a decrease in the tension, rigidity, and sheer hatred I bring to work.
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@Josef hi,
I may have asked before, or if I was better at remembering details I would know if you had already shared,; what do you do for work?
I’m a software dev
can you share the article? thanks!
I’ve made a bit of a dent in the temporal resentment that plagues me during the work week. Without the pride and futile attempts at being “a master of my craft”, I am finding work to be lighter emotionally. There is then less pressure for deadlines too, as I am doing the work and it will get done when it gets done. It feels weird though, I feel a bit listless and aimless with this approach. Like I’ve turned away from the career oriented feelings that drive everyone. Reading Peter’a article on materialism has also driven home to me what the nature of work really is. Im trading my time and effort for money, and this is the fact of it. I think, in the real world, you have to create an identity around your vocation in order to cope with the sheer fact that you’ll be doing this for the next 40 years. But such an identity always needs more food, whether it’s a new job or new title or more interesting work.
Will continue with this approach and see where it takes me.
Can you do me a favour?
Split your job into five categories, then, from 1 to 10 tell me how much you hate it vs enjoy it; each category.
1 being you enjoy it, 10 being you hate it.
Спасибо
Which categories?
I seem to be in some ASC state after a deep investigation on how the seeking of emotional intimacy is the root cause of the problem of love and attachment. It became clear to me how every time I am seeking love or security through my actions, I am actually making a choice to do so. And that I could choose not to. Now that I’m choosing not to, there is a loss of that bond between me and my partner. I also feel fearful about whether I’m repressing the loving feelings, but it simply doesn’t make sense to go that way anymore. Maybe the fear is still love in action.
Love can be described as creating a bond, and then sacrificing yourself in order to maintain it. You maintain it so you can drink from the fountain of validation, acceptance, and emotional connection. But you have to keep losing your autonomy in order to make sure it does not waver.
But without it, what is there? My partner then just feels like another person. I can say whatever I want to them and do whatever I want. This is freeing, but is this the third alternative?
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Is this why you are calling it an ASC? If so then I think it’s more likely to be a weird transition period rather than an ASC.
It’s a little like what Peter described in the Actualist guide - of going through periods where none of the usual meanings and values make any sense and one finds oneself all alone and adrift from normal ways of relating.
I definitely remember going through these kinds of periods but they always resolve and the thing stabilises, the key is to bear in mind that the transition phase is not an indication of what the destination is like.
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Thanks, I needed to hear that. Everything is shifting right now, I guess I will keep my hands in my pockets and wait out the storm.
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It’s clear to me that this above type of investigation has nothing to do with the actualism method…
Back to feeling good
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Feeling great atm, even a small taste of purity is so so above all the shit in the real world, it’s amazing
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Continuing to feel good. A problem I’ve had in the past with the method that seems to be cropping up again is that I stop caring about all my real world problems (they’re not really practical problems, just random worries) when I feel good. When I come back to normal though, there they are again, and I haven’t done anything about them. It seems what “I” want to do is go into deep investigations to try to find an answer. But the happy and harmless “me” doesn’t give a hoot about the problem to begin with
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Something I’d really suggest is to try reflecting on those problems once feeling happy and harmless! This way you can actually resolve them so that when back to normal they don’t suck you in again. There may be some sensible things to do in your life that it would be sensible to do, which you can easily uncover this way. Or you may see more clearly how those aren’t actual problems if there’s nothing to be done about whatever the situation may be.
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