Josef: I’m back! It’s been over half a year since I last posted, but I’ve still been on the forums and on AFT reading a lot. There’s been quite a few big changes in my life recently, namely that I am living with my partner now. This has bolstered my motivation even further as I can see the effect that my bad moods, or just being a ‘self’ in general has on her. Right now my focus is on applying the method, enjoying and appreciating no matter what is going on in my life. I have realized recently that I have not been applying the method correctly at all. Whenever I would have an uncomfortable feeling, I would immediately begin to investigate it, often getting frustrated and lost in the mazes of my mind as feeling good “failed to show up”. Some kind of weird dissociation. I guess I wasn’t even willing to feel these uncomfortable feelings, as I had to be successful in applying the method ASAP.
Hi Josef,
Welcome back.
It is excellent that you gain additional awareness of your moods and how ‘you’ tick, and with it motivation to change, by living with your partner now. It brings it out into the open how both the felicitous/ innocuous feelings and the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ feelings have a beneficial/ detrimental effect not only on yourself but on the other person as well.
In the process you also discovered that you automatically dissociated/ disassociated from the “uncomfortable feelings” which opened a whole new area of “applying the method”.
Josef: To rectify this, I am being more patient when I feel bad, trying to really see what’s going on. And then once I’ve got a good handle on what I’m feeling (and any investigation happens simultaneously when I’m not pushing feelings away, since I get curious), I can “choose” to feel good. More accurately, it dawns on me that it’s silly to feel bad in this situation when I can feel good instead. But I cannot force this seeing. (link)
Remember to get back to feeling good once you come across one of those “uncomfortable feelings” before you endeavour to investigate them. Often they are merely bad habits and easy to nip in the bud, but sometimes, when they return again, they need further exploration, like when you “cannot force this seeing”. Then there might be a dearly held belief or a personal truth or a cherished desire which keeps it in place.
The more you get “a good handle” on it and appreciate your success the very exploration becomes increasingly fun.
Cheers Vineeto