I’ve had some experiences last few days where I feel I’m dissolving and the world takes on that glowing beautiful way of existing effortlessly and the stillness within that comes with that. Reading other peoples experiences here on the forum and also interacting has been more beneficial than I thought it would be and my days are more and more becoming light and happy.
My main issue with Actualism has been not quite understanding what to do even though it always felt close to how I try to live life anyways. But discussing and being able to ask questions has made it clear that some parts of the practice is much easier than I thought and I have been overcomplicating or overthinking many things.
Whenever I have time in the mornings I try to start with reading someone’s journal and even though I don’t read fast I take in parts of what they write and that helps me see those things in myself. And consequently better understand how to face them and not be tricked by my feelings or make excuses as to why not to let go of them.
I had an interesting experience yesterday evening when I went to bed. I was falling asleep and was just at that edge when I felt like I dissolved and I was lying there in complete and utter contentment. There was a glow to existence and it had that familiar feeling of safety and outside of time. I had full control over my body but it felt like it wasn’t my body, not that it was someone elses body or that I was some other body. The body just existed in this most effortless way without any input from me.
There was that strong spiral upwards of feeling good and I leaned into that and felt how I felt even better lying thar just enjoying how nice it was to be alive. The more I leaned into it, the more “I” disappeared even though the experience itself was crystal clear and there was no fogginess or sense of it not being real. Reality was still and solid.
I’ve also had more experiences than normal where the Actual world feels close and the world sparkles. I’ve seen people use terms as excellent which kind of makes sense but to me it’s more of a scale of being here as a feeling being and being here in the actual world and it doesn’t matter so much what we call it. Even though I can see the advantage of being able to share and discuss. I think I’m not used to discussing these kind of things with others so I am more focused on how it feels.
If I break any untold rules about where to or how to discuss things feel free to point them out. I feel that I’m all over the place gathering inspirations from reading peoples journals and holding discussions without considering where I’m at in the forum. I’m enjoying the practice and doing it this way has been a lot of fun 