João's introduction

Actualism
1

Hi everyone,

Before anything else I would like to congratulate, and express my appreciation for, all the human beings that created and made available any of the remarkable actualism-related material, including the many detailed expositions in this forum.

My name is João and I am from Portugal.

Growing up and thereafter, I was always interested in the human condition and never consciously interested in spiritualism. Yet some years ago I read Jed McKenna’s books and ended up confused. This eventually led me to search the internet and find Artem Boytsov. I sporadically read most of his texts, and in one of them there was a link to The Actual Freedom Trust website that I bookmarked to read later.

When later finally arrived, I was immediately struck by how specific the writing was, the utter command that it implied over the subject matter, and how incapable I was of grasping certain parts of it. I was hooked. It didn’t take long to discern that what I was reading about was what I had been seeking for most of my life.

This was less than two years ago, so my understanding is decent but not perfect. While familiarizing myself I began to investigate anything that came up, with very beneficial results. But after that initial period of mostly reading and comprehending, for a few months now I sense that it is time for applying the method.

So that is where I am, but I have not been able to do it at all. A part of it appears to be a lack of desire for feeling good (there is an extant tendency towards indifference) and a familiar affective unawareness. Also, there is no remembrance of a PCE, even though I find it reasonable that many were experienced as a child.

Quite a few years ago, I intellectually noticed that the source of most of our problems was in the instincts, but I foolishly concluded that there was no solution. Fortunately, it appears that is not the case. There is no reason now not to confirm it for myself and, ultimately, resolve to end the issue.

I look forward to communicating with you all.

PS: To painstakingly produce this introductory post was very worthwhile. Slowly, I realized that the narrative was not according to the facts (to my surprise) and that I was always attempting to spin and to add things that could be used to make me look good (which is probably how, one after the other, the narrative was weaved). It is amazing how much trickery one employs.

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2

Hi João,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for your sincere introduction. Before actualism I too ended up dipping into the spiritual involvements, primarily because they looked to be the only thing on offer. But deep down like you I was always interested in finding an irrefutable solution to the ‘human condition’.

Later on those spiritual involvements were exposed not only as ultimately ineffective but actively problematic, as in 180 degrees opposite to the goals and means of actualism. Many of the habits from my spiritual years had to be actively undone, reading about your feelings of indifference this may potentially be one such case.

Yes this is the root of the radicality of actualism, in that a human being discovered (and others since replicated) that it is indeed possible to change human nature irrevocably via altruistic ‘self’-immolation. Although in the meantime before this takes place there is much to be done as a ‘self’ by committing to the challenge of being as happy and as harmless as humanly possible.

Reading your words it seems like there is perhaps some forgotten/deeply lodged memory of the actual perfection and purity which exists here on earth. The connection to that actual perfection and purity is key, ultimately that is the guiding light for an actualist.

Wishing you success on the wide and wondrous path!

Kuba

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Hi Kuba,

I have to say, it feels a bit weird to be replying to you. I almost feel as if I had been reading some comics, or something like that, and all of a sudden jumped into it and started interacting with the characters :sweat_smile:

Thank you. As was apparent from my post, it appears that I have work to do, but I do try to be sincere.

I definitely relate to that. Even though, strictly speaking, there never was a spiritual practice, I nevertheless assimilated and acquired quite a few pernicious beliefs and habits, with some still to be undone. The habit of feeling indifferent is certainly one of them.

That is what I think too. There is a vague familiarness, but unfortunately, for now, nothing more than that.

Thank you for your kind words.

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João: Hi everyone,
Before anything else I would like to congratulate, and express my appreciation for, all the human beings that created and made available any of the remarkable actualism-related material, including the many detailed expositions in this forum.
My name is João and I am from Portugal.
Growing up and thereafter, I was always interested in the human condition and never consciously interested in spiritualism. Yet some years ago I read Jed McKenna’s books and ended up confused. This eventually led me to search the internet and find Artem Boytsov. I sporadically read most of his texts, and in one of them there was a link to The Actual Freedom Trust website that I bookmarked to read later.
When later finally arrived, I was immediately struck by how specific the writing was, the utter command that it implied over the subject matter, and how incapable I was of grasping certain parts of it. I was hooked. It didn’t take long to discern that what I was reading about was what I had been seeking for most of my life.
This was less than two years ago, so my understanding is decent but not perfect. While familiarizing myself I began to investigate anything that came up, with very beneficial results. But after that initial period of mostly reading and comprehending, for a few months now I sense that it is time for applying the method.
So that is where I am, but I have not been able to do it at all. A part of it appears to be a lack of desire for feeling good (there is an extant tendency towards indifference) and a familiar affective unawareness. Also, there is no remembrance of a PCE, even though I find it reasonable that many were experienced as a child.

Hi João,

Welcome to the Discuss Actualism forum.

I appreciate your gracious and sincere introduction and took particular note when you said you found in the description of an actual freedom something you “I had been seeking for most of my life” . This will give you a solid basis to persist in not only finding it in the writing but more and more experiencing it yourself when you start applying the actualism method. It seems the main obstacles at present is what you call “a lack of desire for feeling good (there is an extant tendency towards indifference)”, which might well be a both a basic resentment as in ‘I didn’t ask to be born’ plus what you have practiced when applying the teachings of those you named above.

So when you are ready to ‘roll up your sleeves’ and decide to aim for feeling good the initial inertia would be one of the habits to pay attention to and replace it with enjoying being alive (however little it may be at the start) and appreciating both your own success in doing so and appreciating the wondrousness of the world around you. I remember when feeling being ‘Vineeto’ did ‘her’ first baby-steps in actualism ‘she’ suddenly noticed that ‘she’ had never really looked at the sky, or the weather, because ‘she’ had been so busy with ‘her’ often sullen, always serious, thoughts and feelings about life.

You may have already found the page on the actualism method with its many informative tooltips and Richard’s selected correspondences on it as well as numerous other topics.

João: Quite a few years ago, I intellectually noticed that the source of most of our problems was in the instincts, but I foolishly concluded that there was no solution. Fortunately, it appears that is not the case. There is no reason now not to confirm it for myself and, ultimately, resolve to end the issue.
I look forward to communicating with you all.

The instinctual passions and the identity formed thereof are at the core of the disease called the human condition. However, at first glance many people assume that by suppressing/ repressing emotions they can solve their problems. Here is something you might find informative in that regard –

RICHARD: Often people who do not read what I have to say with both eyes gain the impression that I am suggesting that people to stop feeling … which I am not. My whole point is to cease ‘being’ – psychologically and psychically self-immolate – which means that the entire psyche itself is extirpated. That is, the biological instinctual package handed out by blind nature is deleted like a computer software programme (but with no ‘Recycle Bin’ to retrieve it from) so that the affective faculty is no more. Then – and only then – are there no feelings … as in a pure consciousness experience (PCE) where, with the self in abeyance, the feelings play no part at all. However, in a PCE the feelings – passion and calenture – can come rushing in, if one is not alert, resulting in the PCE devolving into an altered state of consciousness (ASC) … complete with a super-self. Indeed, this demonstrates that it is impossible for there to be no feelings whilst there is a self – in this case a Self – thus it is the ‘being’ that has to go first … not the feelings.
It is impossible to be a ‘stripped-down’ self – divested of feelings – for ‘I’ am ‘my’ feelings and ‘my’ feelings are ‘me’. Anyone who attempts this absurdity would wind up being somewhat like what is known in psychiatric terminology as a ‘sociopathic personality’ (popularly known as ‘psychopath’). Such a person still has feelings – ‘cold’, ‘callous’, ‘indifferent’ – and has repressed the others. What the wide and wondrous path to an actual freedom is on about is a virtual freedom wherein the ‘good’ feelings – the affectionate and desirable emotions and passions (those that are loving and trusting) are minimised along with the ‘bad’ feelings – the hostile and invidious emotions and passions (those that are hateful and fearful) – so that one is free to be feeling good, feeling happy and harmless and feeling excellent/ perfect for 99% of the time. If one deactivates the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ feelings and activates the felicitous/ innocuous feelings (happiness, delight, joie de vivre/ bonhomie, friendliness, amiability and so on) with this freed-up affective energy, in conjunction with sensuousness (delectation, enjoyment, appreciation, relish, zest, gusto and so on), then the ensuing sense of amazement, marvel and wonder can result in apperceptiveness (unmediated perception). If it does not … then one is way ahead of normal human expectations anyway as the aim is to enjoy and appreciate being here now for as much as is possible.
It is a win/ win situation. (Richard, List B, No. 19c, 26 Jun 1999).

Especially when you are looking at the feelings which prevent you from enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive now, the phrase “‘I’ am ‘my’ feelings and ‘my’ feelings are ‘me’” is well worth remembering as it can inform you when you are keeping your feelings at arm’s length while attempting from a distance to unsuccessfully shuffle them around, or if you really take on board that you are your feelings from which experience you can then, quite easily, decide to be a more felicitous feeling.

João: PS: To painstakingly produce this introductory post was very worthwhile. Slowly, I realized that the narrative was not according to the facts (to my surprise) and that I was always attempting to spin and to add things that could be used to make me look good (which is probably how, one after the other, the narrative was weaved). It is amazing how much trickery one employs. (link)

I much appreciate your sincerity in noticing and remedying the difference between narrative and facts – so your “painstaking” diligence produced beneficial results right away. Sincerity is the key to becoming more happy and harmless and eventually to be naïve.

João: Hi everyone,

Adam: Enjoyment is pretty straight forward: this moment feels great! That’s awesome! Wow, look at that! This is fun! This feels so pleasurable!

João: Isn’t this appreciation instead of enjoyment? Or at least an acknowledgment of this moment of being alive instead of a relishing in this moment of being alive.
Am I missing something? (link)

What Adam described in the above quote is indeed a mixture of enjoyment and appreciation but there is no need to separate them in your experience of having fun being alive. Appreciation is putting the stamp of approval both on your sensate and your affectively-felicitous experience and thus increase and perpetuate the enjoyment. I would say that at some point in the actualism process enjoyment and appreciation are experientially so closely linked together as to be inseparable. And isn’t that wonderful!

Once you figure out experientially how appreciation exponentially increases and expands on your enjoyment, you can notice how your bottom line (such as indifference) almost automatically up-levels to feeling good, then feeling great, and so on. You can find more on appreciation here but the most important part is to experience it whenever you remember to do so.

Cheers Vineeto

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Kub933's Journal
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Hi Vineeto,

Thank you. The forum is an inestimable resource which your active participation greatly enhances. I don’t quite compute that I can just communicate with you, but here I am.

When seeing that quote singled out I paused and pondered whether I had been a bamboozler once again, especially since this was a late inclusion, when urging to end and publish, already mentally fatigued of how long it was taking. The phrasing is not very precise and lacks “, and more” after, but you understood the gist of it. After careful consideration, what I can say is that, although I believed it to be unseekable, which contradicts what I said, the flavor of the phrase is unquestionably sincere. Favorably, this appears to be the pertinent part.

I have no awareness of ever practicing anything of those I named above, all I did was read and ponder. But since I appear to have given an inaccurate impression, I will clarify with additional information that should have been included from the start. In my effort to excise my cunningness I appear to have excised excessively (or cunningly, not sure).

While growing up, I was inculcated and/or acquired a misguided way of dealing with life. As far as I can tell, that and it’s offshoots are the main obstacles that I am facing now. The indifference is one example: it was inculcated and acquired as a way to avoid suffering. So I actually know where it comes from, it mostly comes from my own intentional doing.

I much appreciate you saying this, it is very worthwhile to read and reread.

Indeed. That is connected to the indifference and is another inculcated and acquired thing, the belief that feelings are bad and that one is better off without them.

I experience myself as a cognitive being that has a feeling from time to time, which is detected and, usually, the trigger identified. Although I don’t mean that there is a feeling from time to time, it must be that I am not aware of the other ones.

Thank you for clarifying and for the additional information. When I looked at it what I saw were expressive statements about one’s experience, which sounds like appreciation to me instead of enjoyment. But I don’t think I was necessarily separating them, it was more a telling them apart. I do see how they may intertwine and become inseparable, at least intellectually.

There was another thing that I noticed in Adam’s thread and that I don’t think I had ever noticed before. In the phrase “enjoyment and appreciation of this moment of being alive” what I see is enjoyment of this moment of being alive and appreciation of this moment of being alive. Yet (at least) you and Claudiu speak about appreciation of the enjoyment of this moment of being alive. I am a bit confused by that. In my mind that almost seems as if this moment of being alive is being slighted, that all one appreciates is one’s enjoyment of it, in a self-centered way.

-

I appreciate you taking the time. I can see that I am thinking more than I am doing. Addressing this sooner rather than later is definitely a sensible thing to do.

1 Like
6

Hi Joāo,

The forum is indeed a great resource together the Actual Freedom Trust website. There are many useful and sincere reports from active participants of what worked for them and also what didn’t work.

Vineeto: I appreciate your gracious and sincere introduction and took particular note when you said you found in the description of an actual freedom something you “I had been seeking for most of my life”. This will give you a solid basis to persist in not only finding it in the writing but more and more experiencing it yourself when you start applying the actualism method.

Joāo: When seeing that quote singled out I paused and pondered whether I had been a bamboozler once again, especially since this was a late inclusion, when urging to end and publish, already mentally fatigued of how long it was taking. The phrasing is not very precise and lacks “and more” after, but you understood the gist of it. After careful consideration, what I can say is that, although I believed it to be unseekable, which contradicts what I said, the flavor of the phrase is unquestionably sincere. Favorably, this appears to be the pertinent part.

I did understand what you meant, feeling being ‘Vineeto’ had a similar reaction when ‘she’ grasped what an actual freedom was about. It is also useful to realise and remember that the dictum of “do not seek” or “do not desire” is part and parcel of the unliveable and impractical spiritual paradigm, and has nothing to do with actualism. For instance –

Respondent: Nay, the seeker just wants.
Richard: Not for nothing do I say ‘I’ am desire and desire is ‘me’ (desire is one of the instinctual passions). Yet one can harness this powerful affective energy so as to bring about what one actually longs for: perfect peace and understanding.
The injunctions from the bodiless entities (which is what these ‘do not seek’ or ‘do not desire’ psittacisms are) are not easy to put into practice. Speaking personally, the ‘I that was inhabiting this body all those years ago sought like all get-out … ‘he’ desired peace-on-earth like ‘he’ had never desired anything before. And now I am freed to be here … each moment again. (Richard, Selected Correspondence, Desire)

Vineeto: It seems the main obstacles at present is what you call “a lack of desire for feeling good (there is an extant tendency towards indifference)”, which might well be a both a basic resentment as in ‘I didn’t ask to be born’ plus what you have practiced when applying the teachings of those you named above.

Joāo: I have no awareness of ever practicing anything of those I named above, all I did was read and ponder. But since I appear to have given an inaccurate impression, I will clarify with additional information that should have been included from the start. In my effort to excise my cunningness I appear to have excised excessively (or cunningly, not sure).
While growing up, I was inculcated and/or acquired a misguided way of dealing with life. As far as I can tell, that and its offshoots are the main obstacles that I am facing now. The indifference is one example: it was inculcated and acquired as a way to avoid suffering. So I actually know where it comes from, it mostly comes from my own intentional doing.

Good, you start where you are at – slowly taking notice where you push an unpleasant feeling into the background, keeping it at arm’s length. Then having noticed that you can instead embrace it (instead of fearing or fighting it) and realising that you are the feeling … being the feeling instead of having it you have the easy choice to be feeling good instead.

Have another read of the article “This Moment of Being Alive”, including the informative tool tips, and you might understand a bit more of how it works. When you start doing it rather than thinking about it you will discover more layers, previously unnoticed, each time you read it.

Vineeto: The instinctual passions and the identity formed thereof are at the core of the disease called the human condition. However, at first glance many people assume that by suppressing/ repressing emotions they can solve their problems.

Joāo: Indeed. That is connected to the indifference and is another inculcated and acquired thing, the belief that feelings are bad and that one is better off without them.
I experience myself as a cognitive being that has a feeling from time to time, which is detected and, usually, the trigger identified. Although I don’t mean that there is a feeling from time to time, it must be that I am not aware of the other ones.

Ha, you will find out that this feeling “from time to time” is practically going on all the time, often as a background anxiety or resentment. Putting the actualism method into practice will give you more detailed information how you tick and also how to decline (not suppress) the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ feelings you become aware of and eventually direct all your affective energy towards the felicitous feelings.

‘You’, the identity, will resist this change, as it is through ‘good’ and ‘bad’ feelings that the identity asserts itself, so don’t be discouraged when this is happening – rather take it as a challenge of pioneering a different and entirely new way of being alive.

Vineeto: What Adam described in the above quote is indeed a mixture of enjoyment and appreciation but there is no need to separate them in your experience of having fun being alive. Appreciation is putting the stamp of approval both on your sensate and your affectively-felicitous experience and thus increase and perpetuate the enjoyment. I would say that at some point in the actualism process enjoyment and appreciation are experientially so closely linked together as to be inseparable. And isn’t that wonderful!

Joāo: Thank you for clarifying and for the additional information. When I looked at it what I saw were expressive statements about one’s experience, which sounds like appreciation to me instead of enjoyment. But I don’t think I was necessarily separating them, it was more a telling them apart. I do see how they may intertwine and become inseparable, at least intellectually.
There was another thing that I noticed in Adam’s thread and that I don’t think I had ever noticed before. In the phrase “enjoyment and appreciation of this moment of being alive” what I see is enjoyment of this moment of being alive and appreciation of this moment of being alive. Yet (at least) you and Claudiu speak about appreciation of the enjoyment of this moment of being alive. I am a bit confused by that. In my mind that almost seems as if this moment of being alive is being slighted, that all one appreciates is one’s enjoyment of it, in a self-centered way.
I appreciate you taking the time. I can see that I am thinking more than I am doing. Addressing this sooner rather than later is definitely a sensible thing to do. (link)

You are welcome.

It seems you are worrying/ thinking a lot about details, most of which will sort themselves out when you start doing it – then you find out what works and what doesn’t. Given that being happy and harmless is not reinforcing ‘me’ but rather diminishing ‘me’, it is totally ok to enjoy being alive and appreciating it. Of course, if some of your appreciation turns out to be pride, which is one of the ‘good’ feelings, then you pay attention to that.

Have fun and learn to be a friend to yourself.

Cheers Vineeto