Jesus Carlos Journal

[jesus.carlos]

@Vineeto

Can it be that the problems you listed are related to your resentment you talked about a month ago – not getting recognition?

Indeed! Is the same.

@Vineeto

Naturally you experience “the fear of feeling rejected by my partner” and “feeling under attack in the work environment”. In this modus operandi you are competing with every other feeling being for the highest amount of recognition you can get, just as they are doing, and you are naturally in battle with every person you are in contact with. A lose-lose situation.

That´s totally true, I’m not sure that with “every person” but the ones I perceive as a threat in these two fields.

@Vineeto

The alternative is to get back to feeling good and recognize that you can be a friend to yourself and treat others as fellow human beings rather than competitors in a futile battle for recognition of a fake ‘identity’.

I can see now that I lost being a friend with myself. So I ask from others what I can’t give to myself. And I think this have a link with stress. Ultimately, stress is triggered because I have stopped having the best possible relationship with myself. I perceive a “threat” in an emotional way, fear or anxiety about something is triggered. When those emotions persist, stress is triggered. Those emotions persist because I forget to return to that friendship with myself, which consists of a form of emotional attention (affective attentiveness) that immediately inclines me towards feeling good (I already know that feeling good is a choice, as I have been able to confirm a few months ago). This is HAIETMOBA in action (just recognizing the problem, after an insight, is not enough, it becomes knowledge and not transformation of myself).

@Vineeto

The key to unlock naiveté is sincerity, “which is that intimate aspect of oneself that is usually kept hidden away for fear of seeming foolish (a simpleton) … it is like being a child again but with adult sensibilities (wherein one can separate out the distinction between being naïve and being gullible/ trusting).” (Richard, AF list, No. 79, 7 June 2006).

This hits the nail on the head. This is my main problem. I have this fear of being seen like this. The entire political culture around me warns the opposite: you have to be clever, outsmart the other guy who wants to use you, beat you, win, etc. The morality of this world dictates “he who hits first hits twice.” The Christian antidote of turning the other cheek is well known. And it doesn’t work, because you just end up trampled, humiliated and ultimately sacrificed, all for upholding the value of humility. Separating the distinction between being naive and being gullible/trusting seems to be what I must discover as a third alternative. Allow the intelligence of this body to operate for the greatest benefit of itself and everyone else, without a false identity to uphold.

@Vineeto

With naiveté operating in your life you can like yourself and like others … and it is a wonderful way of experiencing each moment, far more enjoyable and inducive in providing fun, appreciation and dignity in your life than any battle for recognition can ever deliver.

I have to access again to that naiveté to be able to confirm this wonder. I will be remembering the PCE for that. Thank you very much for your assistance @Vineeto .

p.d. I remember a wonderful moment in particular during that PCE. My gaze was fixed on the horizon, far away, and beyond the horizon, towards what was no longer visible. A thought associated with infinity arose: what I really am has the capacity to see very far, further than what is considered normal. This is its true capacity. To be able to see beyond the present, towards the enormous and infinite of this vast universe. And with that gaze, to look again at the immediate: there was perfection.