For an actualist the importance of intent is obvious – if you are practicing a method specifically designed to facilitate your becoming less harmful and more happy, and you have no intent to become less harmful and more happy, then any attempt to be attentive as to how you are experiencing this moment of being alive will be an aimless practice, a meaningless practice, an ineffective practice and a fruitless practice, or to use your words – ‘just a mental thing’. Peter SC Sincere Intent, Pure Intent
Today I woke up feeling stuck in my process. When observing my feelings during the early hours of the morning, I discovered aggression. Anger. Nothing really strong, a state of subtle discomfort. Some bitterness. For some reason, this old pattern of resentment in general was reactivated. What I can detect is that it has to do with the fact that I feel threatened in my new work environment. Defense mechanisms were activated. That ancestral animal that I was able to recognize, integrate and eventualy send to rest during the July PCE. At that time, that instinct was active in relation to the fear of feeling rejected by my partner. Today is this other situation, of feeling under attack in the work environment. This quote that I put above reminds me that the only way to continue, and get out of stagnation, is to recover the pure intent, lower my arms and not seek to defend myself. Instead, from a sincere intent (to use the terms more precisely), try to look at the situation anew and act harmlessly.
The only thing I will gain by acting aggressively, or defensively, is more of a perception of being under attack. I want to change perspective and learn to live in harmony with my fellow human beings even in this environment. But I’m having a hard time seeing the silliness of the situation.