Yesterday I had a fundamentally bad time. At times neutral. But very rarely good. Let’s not say very good. This is in stark contrast to my experience on Tuesday night, where I deeply contacted my naivety and experienced a lot of pleasure in simply being alive. Today I woke up again with physical (I think I have a flu) and emotional discomfort. But within these few hours of the morning, I was able to feel good again. And I remember again how it is essential to make the decision to feel good, to choose to feel good and not follow old inclinations. It is a habit that I must overcome and now that I feel better I can observe it more carefully: I have resentment for the simple fact of being alive and that things are not always the way “I” want them. It may help to analyze why I want what I want, but if I look closer, I recognize that what I want is recognition. I long for recognition. I won’t say more because I will be observing that need throughout the day and finding a way to free myself from it.
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