James: I still love her. I’m never going to be free if I don’t get past that. This was a 50yr love affair. It’s been off and on for years at a time.
It’s all feeling/ memory now which still lingers. I told her not to call or write anymore and that hasn’t ended the feeling/ memory.
I need to see the futility of it. (link)
Hi James,
To simply avoid the person you feel love for is not going to eliminate the feeling you have for her – on the contrary, the image you have of her can grow more rosy in absence.
The first thing to figure out for you if you “need to see the futility” or if you want to do that and why. ‘You’, your ‘self’, can provide many soothing reasons to keep having sweet memories of love. Hence letting go requires the conviction of your experience of the enjoyment and appreciation of being alive now, and for instance the rememoration of your long-lasting PCE last year (6 Nov 2024) to have something far more valuable to replace those affective memories with. Kuba said it well in his recent messages –
Kuba: With the immediate reward being the wonder and amazement itself rather than any intellectual answer. I am amazed each time this flavour is tasted because it is just as wondrous every time. This flavour, what it is and where it leads is the direction I want to go in, and not as a means to an end but as an end in itself. It is what I want to do with my life. And there is a golden clew in place now back to this flavour, and it is so very worth it every time. (link)
And –
Kuba: Having experienced pure intent ‘I’ can never fully forget the experience, the wheels are in motion and ‘I’ can either kid ‘myself’ or press on. (link)
So you see, “I need to” is not going to eliminate/ dissolve your feeling/ memory of love, as powerful as the feeling of love can be, you can only find the reason why love is not good enough, in fact “mere baubles”, in comparison with the rememorated or direct experience of the actual world.
Richard: When one walks naked (sans ‘I’ as ego and ‘me’ as soul) in the infinitude of this actual universe there is the direct experiencing that there is something precious in living itself. Something beyond compare. Something more valuable than any ‘King’s Ransom’. It is not rare gemstones; it is not singular works of art; it is not the much-prized bags of money; it is not the treasured loving relationships; it is not the highly esteemed blissful and rapturous ‘States Of Being’ … it is not any of these things usually considered precious. There is something ultimately precious that makes the ‘sacred’ a mere bauble.
It is the essential character of the infinitude of the universe – which is the life-giving foundation of all that is apparent – as a physical actuality. The limpid and lucid purity and perfection of actually being just here at this place in infinite space right now at this moment in eternal time is akin to the crystalline perfection and purity seen in a dew-drop hanging from the tip of a leaf in the early-morning sunshine; the sunrise strikes the transparent bead of moisture with its warming rays, highlighting the flawless correctness of the tear-drop shape with its bellied form. One is left almost breathless with wonder at the immaculate simplicity so exemplified … and everyone I have spoken with at length has experienced this impeccable integrity and excellence in some way or another at varying stages in their life.
This preciosity is what one is as-one-is – me as I am in actuality as distinct from ‘me’ as ‘I’ am in reality – for one is the universe’s experience of itself. Is it not impossible to conceive – and just too difficult to imagine – that this is one’s essential character? One has to be daring enough to live it – for it is both one’s audacious birth-right and one’s adventurous destiny – thus the pure consciousness experience (PCE) is but the harbinger of the potential made actual. (Richard, List B, No. 21g, 26 Oct 2001a).
The insight you are looking for is experiential, not cognitive.
Cheers Vineeto