I wonder if what @Vineeto wrote to me may be useful to contemplate here @jamesjjoo :
Only when I cared enough to give all of ‘me’ to another person, to give them what they want most, was I then ready to give it to the one I cared for most, the one I was closest to, and then I was able to leave all remnant concerns and inhibitions of my identity behind.
Because the impression I get from your writing is something along the lines of ‘I am too old now, it is all lost’. Yet considering what Richard wrote, that back then ‘he’ would have gladly lived (as an irrevocable actuality) what the PCEs demonstrated for just 5 minutes even if death followed immediately after, that is how precious an actual freedom from the human condition is.
So taking into account how precious it is, would you wish this gift upon a fellow human being even (and especially) as they approach physical death? Perhaps you can tap into how wonderful of a gift that would be, until ‘you’ are ready to gift it to the one you care for the most.
@Vineeto Am I correctly understanding that in the text you included the “one I cared for most, the one I was closest to” was referring to the flesh and blood body called Vineeto? As in when ‘I’ care enough to give to another what they want the most, ‘I’ am ready to gift it to myself, to manumit this body of ‘my’ bondage.