Thanks, it has really clicked for me to give up my objections in order to become af. I can’t allow it to happen if I am objecting to it.
The bottom line to my objections is they are nothing but memories. This leads me to believe that the ‘me’ itself is made up of memories or at least supported by memories. It doesn’t make sense to continue suffering because of memories. Richard said we are addicted to suffering which is the ‘me’. This is all because of memories. No memories, no objections, no ‘me’
Upon further observance I think it is more correct to say that memories stimulate the ‘me’.
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Objections to becoming af (continued) :
I am too old now. Struggling with skeletal pain and low energy. My time has passed.
Possible remedies: Pain Dr is sending me for MRI this morn and and MD has agreed to increase dose of my testosterone injections.
Good news: I’m still breathing which means there’s still a chance.
Reality: losing hope.
Actual: I’m still breathing.
As long as I’m still breathing it can happen. I’ve got too much to live for.
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Well, you said “I take 50 mg of Pregabalin twice a day”.
Due to the rupture of a SECOND disc, until 1 month ago I was taking 600 mg a day, with all the side effects that entails (one was high blood pressure, which sent me to the hospital).
So they switched to different doses of Buprenorphine, but the maximum didn’t work either. They tried Tramadol, but it gave me a severe anaphylactic reaction, so they went back to Pregabalin + antihypertensives. Always additional to physical therapy, etc.
Now I am on another “cocktail”.
And I always observe the same: the emotional suffering is worse than the physical pain.
You may still have a long and successful road ahead of you (as I understand, Richard had his spondylolisthesis of L5 at age 24, long before he was even enlightened).
Good to hear from you Miguel. Sorry to hear about your extreme pain. I had an operation 14 mos ago for a herniated disc. Unfortunately, I have degenerative discs and the same problem is returning. My pain Dr is like the grim reaper. He said: It can only get worse. I had an MRI yesterday and will see what the options are. At this point I guess we are trying to manage the pain and stay on our feet.
The challenge is for us to become af in the face of this. I am working on getting back to feeling good. Not too far from it now. It is achievable.
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Aah the pain diaries…I have much experience with this from the past 2 decades…when it comes to relief I found that a combo of 325 mg paracetamol + 100mg aceclofenac has worked like a charm…because my weight
is quite low, so even half of this dose works for me…I think there is really something to aceclofenac
Another thing I recall…Once after a surgery they had applied Nupatch near the site of pain…it would work pretty good for 24hrs…basically slow releasing Diclefenac
Once a week or so I take half of tramadol 37.5 mg + paracetamol 325mg…but I take it for mood enhancement rather than pain killing effect…It also kinda sedates me in a really good way
However I’ve also come to realize that the emotional suffering due to my gut issues for instance are way worse than say physical pains in my spine, disc etc
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Yes, I have used those drugs by usa names. I am using paracetamol now which is known as tylenol here along with pregabalin. I loved the pregabalin but have had to switch to a low dose due to side effects. I am managing to keep my pain level tolerable now , but as you know this is subject to change. I can’t get around much.
What kind of gut issue do you have? I use sauerkraut for my gut.
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My gut gets triggered often so I have to visit the loo but when I did all sorts of tests, nothing was found so its just IBS I’m guessing
Now I got a dna based gut microbiome test done and it seems there is an imbalance of good n bad bacteria(which in turn leads to inflammation)so I’m trying out all sorts of food n supplements to see if it fixes things
I realized that I have recently fallen into a self-fulfilling prophecy of failing health and shorter life due to age, chronic pain and Richard’s death.
I have now decided to adjust this outlook to: I expect to live a
long, healthy, happy and harmless life. Also, to get back to feeling good asap.
Also happened on ‘hygge: the Danish art of happiness’ which sounds sensible. It struck a chord and does not conflict with actualism. It is about focusing on the little things in life that bring you warmth and happiness like the coziness of a warm blanket. This fits in to my limited movement due to back pain.
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Great news, I persuaded my dr to increase my testosterone injections by 25% starting yesterday and I woke up this morn feeling good and the chronic pain in my back was gone.
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More objections:
I don’t want it bad enough.
It’s too late.
I just made an important distinction. It’s not about getting rid of the pain and then enjoying and appreciating. It’s about enjoying and appreciating even with the pain.
Yes exactly
And to be even more explicit: it’s not about enjoying and appreciating the pain itself. It’s about enjoying and appreciating being alive, as much as is possible, despite the pain.
Excellent point, the key to these things is to be specific.
More objections:
What chance do I have?
Vineeto is the only one who has actually done it and she was in immediate proximity with Richard for years.
Peter couldn’t go all the way and he was in close proximity to RIchard for years. Evidently he couldn’t give up his family in the end.
The others I don’t know. We don’t hear enuf from them to know if they are newly free or what.
The one advantage that I have is I don’t have any friends or family to go back to. I literally have no one left. So what is holding me back? I don’t know.
After V’s reply it is obvious that objections are holding me back. Will try to answer her post when electric returns.
I have no objections to becoming af.
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Feeling good and enjoying and appreciating. The pain is no problem. Pure intent and af will come when I am ready. No need to push. I’ve got all the time in the world. Thing to do now is enjoy and appreciate this moment of being alive.
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