I was thinking that I might feel better about it if Vineeto apologized for abusing me all those years ago but then that is the ‘me’ that wants an apology.
The best that I can do is that I have made Vineeto into my father who is long dead.
I’m afraid to say what the ‘me’ really thought about Vineeto in those days.
Ok, Vineeto did presently say that when there are no more objections then one can allow it (af) to happen. I heard that and it did help me so that helps me overcome my objection to her.
It might help to expose the ‘me’ a little: I hate Vineeto
Hi James,
Vineeto wrote me the following to send to you, which I reproduce below:
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Hi James,
I am currently contemplating the animosity that the "male’ and ‘female’ polarities of the human condition have towards each ‘other’.
When I was with Richard and Vineeto, I was acutely experiencing this dichotomy and my own harbouring of animosity.
I had offered to help out when I was there, and we had been building a small project that Richard had planned out. On one of the days, Vineeto had left to do some shopping and Richard and I were talking. After some time, Vineeto returned, and I felt a panic that I hadn’t done anything towards the project. This same feeling has been my experience in all my relationships as well; that I was there to perform some task. A nebulous feeling of guilt/responsibility mixed or maybe fuelled by a desire to be acceptable to the ‘female’.
My current contemplation, which is obviously informed by my now many experiences of 'male/female ’ interactions, is marked with a growing sense of puzzlement that it never truly occurred to me just how bizarre the situation is between ‘males’ and ‘females’.
I would wager 10000 pesos that the heart of this issue of resentment has nothing to do with Vineeto as a person, but rather the larger (largest) animosity that (bizarrely) ‘exists’ between ‘men’ and ‘women’/ '‘women’ and ‘men’.
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Could be Andrew. It’s hard to know for sure as these things get murky the deeper one gets. I think my problem with Vineeto is not about her but with my father who is long dead.
ps: It is related to authority.
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What do authorities make you feel? How do they do that?
Yes Vineeto, it does seem more than a bit silly. LOL
Authorities make me feel angry by controlling me. This is related to my father who was my authority figure.
How did they control you?
By telling me what I can and can’t do.
But them telling you doesn’t actually prevent them from doing this or that. It amounts to an opinion, you’re still free to do this or that
When I was younger I worked for my parent’s family business and I took them wanting me to work there as law, it’s only now looking back that they never forced me to do it; I just took it as something I didn’t have a choice in. I always had a choice, but I blocked it when I saw them as an authority.
It can be backed up by enforcement. For example, I can’t use an herb to help with my pain and enjoyment or else I can’t get the prescription drugs I need to survive and of course you have heard of law enforcement.
Yes, that’s true. We all live in relation to those forces. However, I don’t have to energetically respond to them as authorities. I make intelligent decisions to avoid inconveniencing my life, for example following local laws, but I don’t feel them controlling me, because I experience it as freely making a decision to avoid conflict with people. It strikes me as the most sensible to avoid conflict most of the time. However, that also leaves me free to ignore those laws when I think it’s sensible to.
Yes, this sounds sensible. This ties in to what Vineeto said about having no objections. I see that I need to have no more objections to become af.
Nowadays I see anyone acting the part of authority not as having any power over me, but rather that they’re stuck in a delusion that they are an authority. In that sense, they’re both causing an unnecessary ruckus to the detriment of overall peace, but they’re also themselves missing out on the potential peace they could be experiencing. My biggest interest is in finding an angle that I can show them that. Of course, most of the time no such angle arises.
Good luck on your investigation!
Thanks, it has really clicked for me to give up my objections in order to become af. I can’t allow it to happen if I am objecting to it.
The bottom line to my objections is they are nothing but memories. This leads me to believe that the ‘me’ itself is made up of memories or at least supported by memories. It doesn’t make sense to continue suffering because of memories. Richard said we are addicted to suffering which is the ‘me’. This is all because of memories. No memories, no objections, no ‘me’