I had taken a sleeping pill and nodded off.
My thoughts exactly! He’d never have lived that down! 
I had taken a sleeping pill and nodded off.
Ah, I thought (and hoped!) that might be the case
I don’t think I would have been missed which probably is a good thing.
I assume you mean this literally (about it being a good thing). If so, I think I know where you’re coming from. At first it can be terrifying or depressing to think of vanishing as if we’d never existed. But it has a liberating aspect too, as Richard noted.
I get that when I think of some far distant future when everything we know and everything that knows us, the whole solar system itself, has been utterly destroyed, gone without a trace, as if none of this ever happened at all. Nothing really matters in the ultimate sense. It’s liberating.
Yes, I was thinking it is the ‘I’ that wants to be remembered. That’s why I am opting for cremation.
I’d rather be eaten by birds or wolves, but it’s not really practical where I live. Fish, maybe 
If I die home alone and nobody misses me I would most likely be eaten by roaches and rats. I don’t like that idea.
Yeah, it’s not the fairytale ending people dream about in their golden years. Usually a better chance of coming true though.
This is part of what I found profound about Richard’s death, what he lived and what he did was truly remarkable and yet he disappeared into oblivion all the same, and one day all of it will be forgotten too, ultimately it wouldn’t have mattered one bit.
This is something that made me appreciate him even more because he was an enlightened being, he could have stuck to the delusion of immortality and of some ‘special status’ in order to escape death. Yet he chose to dissolve all that in order to be ordinary, to be mortal, to be actual.
When I contemplate all this the words “actual innocence” come to mind every time, to be completely free of anything that is rotten, to willingly relinquish any and all power, and to demonstrate this all the way through to its eventual conclusion, that is like integrity but on steroids.
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Something happened this week that has disappeared or at least greatly reduced the ‘I’. How do I now disappear the ‘me’?
Objections to disappearing the ‘me’ :
I don’t know how.
I don’t feel good.
I have objections to Vineeto. I encountered Richard on an old K site and made great strides in a short time. Then I went to the Actualism site and encountered Vineeto where I set myself back from which I have never fully recovered. Note: I said that I set myself back. No one forced me to talk to Vineeto.
What I am getting lately is that it is not ‘I’ that disappears the ‘me’, it is the perfection and purity. So ‘my’ only job is to allow it fully.
This does sound correct. My experience is that the “I” seems to have disappeared and I am now looking at my objections to the ‘me’ disappearing. The objections are not allowing it to happen.
Objections to disappearing the ‘me’ continued:
I have objections to Vineeto. I encountered Richard on an old K site and made great strides in a short time. Then I went to the Actualism site and encountered Vineeto where I set myself back from which I have never fully recovered. Note: I said that I set myself back. No one forced me to talk to Vineeto.
@jamesjjoo …If this anecdote helps…Before I fully embraced Actualism, I remember Richard telling me quite sternly that I must’ve developed some sort of a reading or learning disability when I was trying to convince Richard to marry Actualism n Buddhism…that reply from Richard had got me quite pissed against him for a while but once I finally understood what Actualism is about and that I was quite maliciously trying to force my shit on him, then the pissed feelings dropped away for good hehe
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What I found is that recently the objections I had towards Vineeto virtually disappeared, they were actually just my own projections of authority which I was then battling against. Especially since Richard’s death there is largely just appreciation left. There is still some authority which I project onto her and this will probably remain as long as authority itself remains. Mostly though this ‘authoritative vineeto’ has been stripped away and I can see her clearer now. When I read her recent writings there is this clear sense that what she does and what she writes is to facilitate the spread of actual freedom and therefore actual peace on earth, how could I object to that?
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My problem was clearly with authoritative Vineeto. Richard never imposed his authority on me.
OK so I guess the key question is :
Does this ‘authoritative Vinneto’ exist in actuality or only as an entity in your ‘reality’?
I think it was both at the time. I haven’t talked to her since but the objection is still there because of the memory.