Don’t be too hard on yourself - as many have pointed out with my semi-recent breakup, the ‘normal’ in such situations is to be feeling terrible for awhile, so even feeling ‘okay’ is an accomplishment. Pain & suffering have been closely linked throughout human & animal existence - it is unsurprising that you’re having difficulty.
Once you don’t chastise yourself so much for being stalled, perhaps it will get easier to feel good. I’m interested to hear how that goes.
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I’m having an interesting time, I found @JonnyPitt and @edzd’s recent visit very productive as well as revealing the areas I was falling short on. I’m also recovering from many late nights and now having to wake up early for a regular workday again 
It has become apparent to me that I’ve created a very large narrative of failure over the last 7 years, which only this year I’ve been able to notice significantly. I found @Elgin’s recent description of the psychic apparatus very useful in putting those connections as well.
It seems that no matter what I’m doing as a human, I’m plugging myself in somewhere in the psychic battle, whether as a winner or a loser, authority or follower. I’ve been existing as something of a loser for some years, with some battling to prove that I’m a winner sprinkled in there as well.
This explains why I’ve had strong reactions to ‘winner’ themes in movies & sports events recently.
It’s useful having a view of the larger situation.
Much of how we know if we’re ‘winning’ or ‘losing,’ has to do with the reactions of others. But it’s not 100%. Sometimes others believe in us, but we don’t fully believe them. Or, others think we’re a loser but we believe that we’re secretly awesome and they just don’t understand. There’s some kind of superposition happening here, of being in both places at the same time. This likely has to do with the ‘yin/yang’ situation, where the light contains the dark and the dark contains the light.
I’m still putting it together 