Vineeto to Ian: ‘Vineeto’ was impressed, and at the end of the video ‘she’ said “if she can do it I can do it”. (…)
So ‘Peter’ and ‘Vineeto’ went to the bedroom, and with such naïve demonstration it was indeed easy to imitate and replicate the naïve unbridled enjoyment of sexuality and sensuality. That’s how ‘Vineeto’ lost ‘her’ own inhibitions. (link)
Kuba: That is wonderful story, so much so for doing anything sudorific to traverse that wall of fear… Actually in this case it might have been : Sudorific – relating to or causing sweating.
So I wonder once ‘Vineeto’ lost ‘her’ inhibitions via naïve unbridled enjoyment of sexuality and sensuality was that the end of feeling like a fraud for ‘her’?
What was it like for ‘Vineeto’ once ‘she’ had stepped out from control to interact with Richard? Did that fear of “what he could discover” disappear?
Hi Kuba,
I had to think back and I can’t remember any feeling “like a fraud” after the event described above. I would say it was due to the fact that ‘she’ was already fully committed to ‘her’ demise without any reservations ‘she’ was aware of. ‘She’ was cognisant that as long as ‘she’ was a feeling being ‘she’ was an impostor but that was not a problem as ‘she’ knew ‘she’ was unreservedly heading towards ‘her’ destiny fast. That knowing comes with the experience of being out-from-control.
For instance I remember that day we set off on the journey to our summer holidays in the remote rainforest wilderness, a two-day journey along the main river towards the long and winding tree-framed Bungawalbin Creek, ‘Vineeto’ was sitting on the bow deck while Peter was steering, and her heart was singing all the way because ‘she’ knew with utmost confidence that sometime during those 4-6 weeks of holiday “it” would happen, and every mile travelled brought ‘her’ closer to ‘her’ destiny. It was a glorious day and a wondrous journey, full of joyous anticipation. … And “it” did happen!
Kuba: I wonder if this is the direction of the remaining inhibitions for ‘me’ – that there is this shame or fear of knowing that ‘I’ am a fraud. That somehow ‘I’ am ashamed of ‘being’. ‘I’ am ashamed of ‘my’ fear aggression, nurture and desire.
It’s like as long as this shame is in place ‘I’ cannot ‘be’ naiveté, because ‘I’ have something to hide. And it is weird because it is ‘my’ fear, aggression, nurture and desire which ‘I’ am hiding and yet in the process of it ‘I’ blame the body? I can see this with the repression of sexuality, in that ‘I’ am the only dirty thing about sexuality and yet the body with its delicious functions was blamed.
Look, such existential ‘problems’ are not solved by ruminating about it and dissecting what others have done, only to again busy oneself with ‘my’ shortcomings. You need to live it, do it, and whenever you find a hesitation due to moral and ethical constriction, overcome it instead of habitual hiding or retreating –
Richard: Yes, once altruistically set in motion, a momentum happens of its own accord. One knows, from the perfection of freedom from the human condition as evidenced in the PCE, that it is possible to live the actuality that is already always here. What ‘I’ do is unreservedly allow ‘my’ eventual demise to occur … pure intent, born out of the connection between one’s inherent naiveté and the perfection of the infinitude of this physical universe, will provide one with the necessary intestinal fortitude. And once embarked upon the wide and wondrous path to an actual freedom, you are not on your own: this perfection is with you all the way … but if you waver, you are indeed doing it on your own. It is a matter of having the courage of your convictions and letting nothing stand in your way; determination and perseverance are the essential prerequisites to ensure success … coupled with application and diligence. One finds one must – one needs must actually do it – for no one else will do it for you as no one else can do it for you. And although one may think and feel that it would be a lonely journey to take on one’s own it is not … it is the most joyous escapade one can ever enter into.
It is the jaunt of a lifetime. [Emphases added]. (Richard, AF List, Alan-b, 13 Dec 1999)
Richard: (…) no one has ‘the necessary intestinal fortitude to proceed’ before they proceed: it comes in sufficient quality, and only as required by the circumstances, as one proceeds. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, AF List, Alan-b, 28 Jan 2001)
Kuba: This seems important, because how can ‘I’ self-immolate if ‘I’ am still playing some game of pretence, if ‘I’ am dissociating from ‘my’ roots. (link)
It is naiveté which is the cure for pretence and dissociating. Play as genuinely as you allow yourself to be. 
Kuba: So now it is like ‘I’ am allowing ‘myself’ to see what it means that ‘I’ am the ‘many’, no matter how diminished ‘I’ may be. To see this without a shred of shame or dissociation it seems a necessary step in order to allow ‘my’ self-immolation. This all seems in the correct direction – of recognising that I am a fellow human being.
I wonder now and I am also excited at what will end this shame for good. (link)
Mmh, the opposite of shame is pride – no pride no shame (or humility).
(It’s a general rule of thumb ‘Vineeto’ found in ‘her’ investigations – if ‘she’ couldn’t shake off a bad feeling it was usually that ‘she’ wanted to keep/ defend its opposite good feeling.)
Come out more and more from your habitual safe place and discover … playmates. How close can you get?
Cheers Vineeto