@hunterad So I wanted to write about these ‘tentacles’ because it is exactly what I have observed in action today which is pretty exciting.
I noticed both in my writing here and for example when I am coaching martial arts there is this deeply ingrained habit, it seems core to being a social identity.
Basically the way I operate is as you describe, my intent is mixed with some ‘dirt’, this ‘dirt’ takes form of these ‘feelers’ I am continually sending out in order to be re-assured as to what ‘place’ I am currently in.
I will give 2 examples which became very clear to me this morning, that is when the whole thing ‘clicked’.
I noticed that after writing this post yesterday - Confessions of a Sociopath - #3 by Kub933 for the remainder of the day there was this underlying need to feel reassured, this expressed itself with a need to keep thinking about the post and anticipating what others replies would be like.
Also I have noticed after teaching a class yesterday that there was a similar need to feel reassured by my students that it was done well and that I was on the ‘right’ track.
It would be an oversimplification to say that I am only teaching martial arts to get praised by others or that I am only writing here in order to get likes and praise. Instead it is as you described, mixed. There is the more genuine intent to share experiences here and to coach martial arts to the best of my ability, however there is also this continual sending out of ‘feelers’ in order to be re-assured that what I am doing and where I am heading is good and correct.
This morning I was experiencing some of that residual worry from the above 2 scenarios and instead of trying to end it I decided to go with it and see where it leads, I allowed myself to experience this part of myself fully and immediately saw that it arises out of the need to belong. I stuck with it for a bit longer and I really did experience it as these emotional ‘tentacles’ (this is when I thought I must write to you) forever reaching out, influencing and trying to get an idea as to where ‘I’ can place myself within the group. The most prominent part of this whole thing was the need to feel reassured, it is like these ‘tentacles’ are out there to collect data via others reinforcement/punishment as to how well I am doing.
The other thing that I have been thinking about this morning is that without writing on here, and without applying the method in the marketplace, I would not have had the chance to observe this thing in action, and it is really fascinating to see just how deeply ingrained this thing is.
Also seeing this process in action it is obvious why the hallmarks of being a social identity is to forever be unsure, insecure, manipulative, insincere etc. Because the reactions of others are so unreliable and yet my image of myself, my security, my self esteem is created out of this process of sending out these feelers. No wonder this process leads to feeling unsure, insecure and even resentful to others, or looking to manipulate them in order to get the right sort of feedback.
The other great thing is that seeing this process in action so clearly now I have the chance to replace it with the third alternative!